We have been following the Penniless Pensioner over the past few months. His financial reserves and lifestyle were decimated by the failed criminal Bernie Madoff litigation. So when he told me about his engagement to Celine Serpent I received a boost to my bottom line by inking a nice wine consulting contract from Serpent for the engagement party but it was PP that was required to pay the bar tab so I had to go cheap. The engagement party was a roaring success and Serpent was delighted with my wine selection.
But my friends a couple of Panamanian bank accounts of PP have been “unfrozen” so there might be some more possibilities to upshift in wine for a wedding reception.
However PP contacted me in a panic with a slightly slurred voice as he admitted to having consumed a half bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label scotch. No blame on him as he told me a shocking story! He truly loves Serpent despite the fact she is a Plus size at 240 pounds.
I noticed at his engagement party there were so many ladies but few men! PP says it might have been all the Texas Tito vodka Serpent had with the oyster course or the 12 glasses of Tawny Port she had with dessert. The bottom line is that she admitted she was “formerly “a lesbian that had since undergone “conversion therapy” so she has “progressed” to becoming bisexual.
PP is freaked out. As an old school guy lesbianism and bisexuality are naughty deviant words. He said to me that he has no beefs against such people but to marry one is a different story.
I am not a psychiatrist but need my wine consulting contract to consummate with a marriage! About the only thing I can say is he should sleep off the Red Label and go to bed so we can talk in the morning.
The poor man is blubbering away and I just must hang up after wishing him the best.