You humans have an expression “big shot”. Please bear in mind when you watch me zipping around in limousines, travelling around in a private jet, eating Beverly Hills kibble, sleeping over at Ritz Carltons I am Reggie The Egyptian Rescue Dog. Survived the streets of Cairo you say. Damn it you are right so even when you hear about me eating pistachio cream cake from Snoop Dog’s favourite Beverly Hills bakery “In the Weeds”, I remain a humble and very thankful dog!
And you remember in our initial negotiations with Disney they did mention a security detail was required whenever I was involved in any sort of Disney promotional tour for the Disney film about my life. As Disney said to Bob I am an extremely valuable “corporate asset” and if I was ever “taken out with extreme prejudice” it would cost Disney millions and according to their “bean counters” as Bob calls them indeed given potential Disney profits I am Disney’s hottest property.
As I am a Muslim dog and that will be dealt with in the Disney animated film about me there may be some Islamic extremist backlash or even a fatwah leveled on my little noggin. Likewise the far right Christian “fundamentalists” could seek to “neutralize” a corruptive Islamic influence on the children of the world. I am nothing but a pediatric terrorist to certain members of the Islamic and Christian fringe community.
Bob and Fay are not thrilled about this security detail but feel to protect themselves, Dillie The Westie and me security is necessary. I saw a bunch of armed men on the telly (where are the women?) wearing white baseball caps and AK 47’s burning my picture in street demonstrations and shouting with unfathomable hatred in their voices, “death to America”! Those turkey heads are so ignorant they don’t know I am Canadian! In any case Bob calls these fanatics Houthi and The Blowfish rebels. They are in some country near Egypt Bob tells me.
We will introduce my security team shortly but here is a brief snippet about them.
Ollie is a King Charles Cavalier. He is a neighbourhood dog and friend. What he was a king of I am uncertain. He was a bomb sniffer for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) and took a piece of shrapnel in the eye just after discovering a mini-plastic explosive device intended to take out the King of Borneo who was visiting Canada. His tremendous sense of smell and experience with explosives and operating within a sophisticated security detail will prove invaluable.
Mookie, a 13-year-old Bichon Poodle is also a neighborhood pooch and my pal with eyesight twenty times superior to a bald eagle. Sharp eyesight will be invaluable. As a North Korean defector “The Mookster” as dogs in the hood call him, for a time was in the inner cabal of the “Supreme One” in North Korea until he launched a “seditious” movement “Keep Dogs Out of the Hot Pot Luncheon Specials”.
Believe it or not we have a Portuguese superdog Kit Kat hailing at 16 pounds out of Porto, Portugal. He was a key member of the PPS (Port Protection Squad) entrusted with crushing counterfeit Port rings throughout the world. After his PPS retirement he assumed a crucial role for protecting film stars working with the globally famous Obrigado Studios headquartered in Lagos, Portugal. His knowledge of the entertainment business gives him a great ability to “sniff out” interlopers…those who clearly are misfits in a crowd.
Also from Porto there is a human in my security detail Mr. Antonio a small arms expert and driver famous for navigating treacherous winery roads in the Douro. It is said his driving skills make James Bond look like a novice. Gran Turismo!
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