“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog”: The Final Cut: Off to North Korea! Prime Minister Trudeau Calls Me a Flea-Bitten Mutt! Sipping Drone Cocktails: Will Kim Jong Un be Invited to the Next Canadian Grey Cup Game? Chapter Sixty Nine (69)

After we wake up and have our bowl of kibble and a half cup of jasmine tea in our water bowl Bob takes me and Dylan the Westie aside and informs us we have a call with President Joe Biden at 2 p.m. What is going on with Joe?

At 2 p.m. we have a virtual meeting with President Joe Biden and his new German Sheppard puppy Commander. Commander has a vicious hissy fit and after biting a Secret Service man (again) and he is hauled out of the room.

Joe talks with Bob and mentions he would like, if agreed to by Bob and Fay, send Dylan the Westie and I to North Korea on a “friendship tour”. We are not to act as spies. We are to contact their Supreme and Blessed Leader Kim Jong Un and tour the country and meet North Koreans. We are apolitical ambassadors from the West and North Korea has allowed my two Disney movies to be shown to the public and they love the film making it a perfect time for a visit. Bob will take a message to Kim Jong Un from Joe saying please welcome Reggie and Dylan the Westie who wish to discover the glorious republic of North Korea and establish a friendship base that we political leaders can build upon. There is a certain confidential message in a secure flash drive I am to give Kim and it will be attached to my collar.

We arrive in Pyongyang, North Korea on our private jet and Bob, Fay, Dylan the Westie and I step off the plane and there is a band playing the Canadian national anthem and children throwing flowers on our path to a huge Russian Zil Limousine apparently a gift from Tsar Putin “to the friendly masses of North Korea”.  North Korean politicos shake Bob and Fay’s hand vigorously and nod and bob like we are old friends. We have brought a reporter and photographer from Set The Bar in Windsor, Ontario to record the visit.

We are whisked to our hotel and have a huge suite. Bob says we are being watched so I feel uncomfortable especially since North Korea’s famine has resulted in “bourgeois dogs” being rounded up and used for food! We have a rest and Bob has a shouting match on his phone with swear words I best not repeat. Bob was red faced and, in a rage, as, “That shit Justin Trudeau was pissed royally that he wasn’t invited and that we didn’t ask his permission for the trip. He called Reggie a flea-bitten mutt.” Was this Mr. Nice Guy Trudeau who invited us to the Grey Cup in Hamilton. What a hypocrite!

We eat a delicious meal at a restaurant with some dignitaries. No expense has been spared and Bob and Fay feel a bit guilty considering that Western media has been reporting a terrible famine in North Korea. At least we dogs are not on the menu! At least not tonight. And Mr. Gordon Lightfoot music plays over speakers. These guys know everything about us?

We have a restless sleep on our gift beds which have a hammer and sickle on them. Back to the days of Stalin? How do these guys know we have a collection of special dog beds in Toronto?

We spend the day with a guide seeing the sites of Pyongyang and are back at our hotel named “Hotel of Our Glorious Leader”. At 5 p.m. a variety of cocktails are served in the Victorious Proletarian Ballroom by waiters in white outfits with white gloves. The featured cocktail is “The Drone”. Wasn’t that The Mookster’s favourite cocktail here before he defected?  Bob and Fay have showers and at 7 the Zil arrives again for our trip to the Palace of Our Glorious Leader where we will have dinner with the Supreme and Blessed Leader Kim.

We are welcomed like long lost brothers and Dylan the Westie and I are taken to Kim for a quick private meeting. Bob and Fay being barred by soldiers with bayonets. And those bayonets are not ceremonial ones.

So here Dylan the Westie and I find ourselves with who many think is a crazed leader. Kim welcomes us with a chicken treat. He says come my friends and we jump on his lap. He strokes our heads and says in perfect English that we are welcome in his country and he wants us to meet its people. He sees the message from Joe on my collar and reads it and laughs. He seems to be in agreement with it. I motion for him with my snout to take the flash drive from Joe on my collar.

I have seen many news articles and documentaries about Kim that he is a bloodthirsty tyrant but who is this man really?

Bob, Fay, Dylan the Westie and I have a private dinner with Kim and his sister Kim Yo Jong and the talk is of Canadian football and Canadian wine. We noticed that there are wines from Meyer Family Vineyards from British Columbia. Kim loves the Pinot Noir. Bob brought several mincemeat pies from Toronto for dessert which Kim counters with Kentucky Bourbon! Kim asks shyly if he can be invited to the next Canadian Grey Cup championship football game.

There must have been twenty courses served. We dogs get rice and “Great Revolution” chopped chicken! YUM! WE DOGS LOVE CHICKEN!

With good spirits and bloated bellies, we retire to a private screening room to watch the final version of “A Dog Saved My Life”. With Bob and Kim smoking Cohiba Cuban cigars and drinking Japanese single malt whisky we are one happy family. Is there something wrong with this picture? Fay has fallen asleep in a chair with Dylan the Westie snoring up a storm on her lap.

Photo: Kim Tong Hyung (AP)