As disclaimers and “transparency” are soothing words spouted by public relations firms desperately trying to “manage” the transgressions of deep pocketed corporations I must disclose that I am President and Chief Executive Officer of “The Pan Canadian Society for the Purity of Opera”. Our goal is ensuring operatic performances maintain minimum standards including “proper management” of audiences. Unruliness of operatic performances and of audience members must not be tolerated.
I attended my second performance of The Opera Revue recently at the Granite Brewery in Toronto. One simply must not give performances at a brewery when we have a plenitude of more “appropriate” venues in massive concert halls that make an audience member cower in awe and respect. Really now drinking beer, eating supper and listening to opera is against all basic standards of the opera.
Listen to the rules announced at the beginning of Opera Revue’s performance.
- Talking permitted
- No need to turn cell phones off
- Dressing up for the “opera” as they call it is discouraged
- Drinking more improves your experience
OUTRAGEOUS!
No talking is a cardinal rule of a “proper operatic” performance. An operatic audience is best managed with a silence rule and schussing upholds the purity of a performance.
Masticating food during performances reduces opera to a dinner theatre as please one must not confuse Toronto with The Catskills! Imagine hearing a bottle of wine being opened in the middle of a song or watching some patron gobbling greasy chicken wings leaving a greasy chin for all to see. If there is any food at the opera a $23 glass of wine and a $32 ham and cheese on a croissant from one of Toronto’s best bakeries (COSTCO) is the way to go. Opera patrons are all barons of industry and Muskoka cottage owners so what is a “little premium” on food.
Not turning off your cellphones is a slap in the face of decorum.
Bathroom breaks a la volonte? If you can’t hold it in and suffer there is no place for you in a proper operatic audience.
Do you know how many people were wearing jeans at the performance I attended? A pair of jeans at an opera! What moral decline! What an affront to humanity! What next, pets at the opera or Loonie hot dog performances. Is Opera Revue offering “discount opera” in the nosebleed section. And the performers dress style? Best not delve into that but that baritone guy in a T-shirt. Ooooh!
Opera lovers know all the plots and acts in an opera but The Opera Revue explains the numbers before performed. Ignorance is bliss in opera. To explain destroys mysticism.
You are getting the picture right?
The biggest violation of operatic rules absolutely “beyond the Pale” is Opera Revue’s insidious attack on opera by performing numbers from popular musicals such as “Guys and Dolls”, “South Pacific” and “Music Man”. And the jokes made by the performers themselves is unconscionable.
In the call of duty I attempted a citizen’s arrest of a couple of the performers but no one in the audience assisted and in fact treating me like Professor Everett Scott booed me!
I will leave it here with a promise to return to the next performance with a team of picketers demanding the shutdown of Opera Revue! There is no room for fun at an opera. It is all about duty!
As a last observation a dog behind me breathing dog breath al over me!
Note that the author is President and Chief Executive Officer of the Pan-Canadian Society for the Purity of Opera and holder of the Chair of Operatic Deviance Department in the University of Tirana. He is an inductee at the Everett Scott Hall of Fame for Patrons of the Lofty Arts. Nominated “Vindictive Critic of the Year” by the Romanian Journal for Esoteric Arts.
Interesting in further corrupting yourself here is a link to their website and you didn’t get it from me https://operarevue.com/
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