Cristal “Hee Haw” Numbhead, the Secretary of the United States Department of Homeland Paranoia, said in Washington today Canadians booing the United States anthem on 15February2025 at Montreal’s Molson’s Arena at a hockey match between Canada and the United States in the Four Nations Face-Off Series amounted to an act of terrorism against the United States and should be referred to as a St. Valentine Day Massacre.
Numbhead stated, “The willful acts of the citizens of the 51st state are treasonous and an afront to America’s Golden Age where all will fear America making it great again. Should this continue Canada will be placed on a list of terrorist groups. Our government knows the culprits as our Special Advisor and his team of techs, known as “The House Cleaners” have access to the National Hockey League database with all personal information on the Canadian spectators. We have asked Montreal Mayor Malerie Lafern to prepare a detention centre for the anthem booers at the mothballed Expo 67 site.”
The Canadian Minister of Canadian Purity responded saying the booing was not the act of true Canadians against their friendly neighbour to the south but rather an act of North Korean agent provocateurs. A statement from the Ministry blamed unemployed North Korean soldiers fighting in the Ukraine conflict hired by Iranian security forces as manipulating the innocent Canadian fans. Apparently hundreds of discarded kimchi containers with “Proudly Made in North Korea” were found in a security sweep of the Arena after the match.
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