Thousands of ordinarily polite Canadians took to the streets yesterday denouncing the imperialistic ambitions of American President Donald Trump currently cavorting bare-chested on a magnificent stallion with President Vladimir Putin at the President’s villa on the Black Sea celebrating the partition of Ukraine.
The core of this Canadian fury centred around the detention and kidnapping of Guelph, Ontario’s Amy Pickenbobber by MAGA Patriot Squads on 10February2025 on the allegations she intentionally infected spectators at the Toronto Blue Jays training camp in Dunedin, Florida with the Ebola virus concealed in her can of Dr. Pepper and transported in a cargo plane, The Detainee Express, to Guantanamo Bay for “quarantine”.
Pickenbobber’s status is unknown and requests for updates by Spoof to The United States Department of Homeland Paranoia remain unanswered. Unconfirmed reports received from Spoof sources indicate a hostage exchange is in the works and is currently being negotiated by the Commander of the Guantanamo Bay military facility and the City Manager of Guelph where Pickenbobber will be released in exchange for ownership rights of all spring water in the Municipal Township of Guelph being ceded to the United States.
Canadian “patriots” a term mockingly referring to Trumpian heroes of Sixtember has been adopted by Canadian rioters who smashed windows of McDonald’s Restaurants in major urban areas of Canada and numerous Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in Surrey British Columbia. In Niagara Falls Canadian patriots demanded all Americans immediately drive back to their home over the bridge.
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