“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 26 “The Arrival of Santa and Squid Has a Price on His Head”

Chapter 26 “The Arrival of Santa and Squid Has a Price on His Head”

The pamphlet was printed on the presses of the Albanian Colombian Friendship League. It spread throughout the country like wildfire and it wasn’t long before the Colombian generals and American executives read it. They were furious as local protests and disruptions gained in size and momentum. 4N stock had dropped 35% in the matter of days. The New York Times also printed a copy of the pamphlet. The Colombian coast was in great turmoil “where all the communist agitation was centred threatening the peaceful existence and solidarity of the Colombian people “so said General Liquita.

It wasn’t long before Squid had a bounty on his head. Bogota was generous in rewarding snitches that could buttress its power. The outlawed Communist Party, often thought to be funded by the junta, declared Squid a CIA operative luring discontent into the hungry jaws of U.S. imperialists where it would be crushed. The junta took the tired position that foreign investment was a boon to Columbia as it would create jobs and created pools of capital for further development. However in the long term it destroyed employment and dislocated economies and well the pools of capital went into the hands of the 4N Company and a generous percentage into the hands of the junta safely stashed in foreign bank accounts to be relied on when the next coup replaced the current junta. The nationalists were somewhat support of the resistance as they had been warning for decades of the dangers of foreign control but really did nothing more than theorize as clever intellectuals. They preferred the creation of local patriotic councils devoted to peaceful discussion as opposed to radical peasant tactics that “would further the grip of communists on the country”.

Finally, Santa arrived in the midst of the turmoil. What could such a jolly man have to due with an issue so steeped in politics? Santa had no such illusions witnessing similar problems in the North Pole where American industry was exploiting oil reserves. Oil drilling and tanker transports were ruining the ecology and local culture. The Inuit people were reduced to begging for food at the workcamps of the oil crews. The workers had ravaged the caribou herds through their recreational hunting depriving the indigenous population of a valuable food source. The water was covered with floating tar balls transforming fish and seal into poison. Alcohol, drugs and poor health ravaged the local communities In desperation they had formed roving bands of guerillas terrorizing the workers.

The guerillas had asked Santa and his elves for help. The peace and quiet of the workshop was continually disrupted by the horns of passing oil tankers. Santa had tried all the possible polite tactics to no avail and was becoming increasingly distraught with the hunger, disease and cultural decimation. Young girls prostituting themselves for boxes of Kraft Dinner! So Santa and his elves began manufacturing automatic weapons and joined the resistance movement in the North Pole.

Santa brought to Columbia a cache of weapons and some of his most militaristic elves and they joined the resistance in Columbia. Poor Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was now Rudolph the Red and fat and jolly Santa loved by so many little children around the globe became known as Castro of the North Pole!

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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