“Mutantism on the March”: Chapter 27: “Off Goes Santa and His Elves Into the Fray”

The first order of Santa and his band of merry elves was to loot and destroy the colonialist’s stores in the North Pole such as Mudson’s Bay and Frantic Adventures. They then had moved onto Montreal orchestrating a series of “fund raising” affairs, namely bank robberies often in tandem with Machine Gun Molly’s gang. In these bank robberies Santa never wore a disguise so the public believed that Santa was an imitator and his elves just a bunch of violent midgets. Parents told their children good guys never robbed banks quickly forgetting their own childhood idol a “terrible thief” Robin Hood and his band of Merrymen.

World terrorist gangs lauded applause on the Santa Claus Gang finding it dialectical that a public figure, who had a reputation as a paragon of virtue to little bourgeoisie children could steal and fight those who owned “the means of production” and their hired lackies like those generals in Columbia. As an act of solidarity the Pasta Brigade of Italy bombed the offices of the Hexxon Oil Corporation in Naples as it was searching for oil in the Gulf of Naples. The notorious Baden Baddies of Wuppertal in Germany bombed the American embassy in Bonn. Santa’s Little Red Book became the inspiration for many terrorists as they hijacked and bombed. My goodness Santa Claus was becoming a cult figure in international terrorism that was based on economic rationale as opposed to the terrorists of later years whose hatred was based on religious perversion.

One quote from Santa’s Little Red Book fascinated Squid, “Terror is the lifeblood of the economically desperate. It is the only weapon of those with their back to the wall. Terror is the human manifestation of suffering. Terror is the result of fear, the fear of being squashed by rulers and their capitalist henchmen. They terrorize us and we reciprocate. There terror struggle but ours is not. Terror is the only force that can vanquish terror.”

Santa was involved in Columbian matters for it was yet another instance of legalized terror. Santa was liked by Squid despite finding him a bit naive in socio-political issues. What could one expect from a recluse! Santa was also reassured by Squid’s agreement with him that terror was a legitimate last stand to economic strangulation.

Well it wasn’t only the struggle of the peasants in Columbia that drew Santa to it. Santa was a huge purchaser of cocaine used for Christmas gifts for “the freaks and hippies”. Freaks were near and dear to Santa and he was often labelled as one of the world’s biggest freaks. After all what fool would give away presents and not expect anything in return although he and his reindeer really did enjoy milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. The joy of small children was all the payment he needed. What would happen to the freaks without their cocaine? What sort of Christmas could they expect without the snow? Go over to Aunt Mary’s for turkey dinner and get laughed at by the uncle from the stock exchange? Truth be told Santa did have a snort now and then as well as Rudolph as for what reason did they have such red noses?

Published by Robert K Sephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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