“Mutantism on the March”: Chapter 59 “The Montreal Mutants Continue the Battle”

Nervous Quebec bureaucrats from the Ministry of Mental Affairs twiddled their thumbs searching for some answer to the Mugless Mental Hospital breakout. Being well paid Quebec nationalists, they announced the breakout was planned by Canadian federalists uneasy with Quebec’s flexing its anti Anglo and separatist blarney. So upset were the Quebec government bureaucrats and politicians they changed the name of the Mugless to the “Trueplessis Hospital” named after fascist nationalist Maurice Trueplessis. Yes the mass escape was a plot by Canadian federalists to denigrate the current Quebec government.

The entire City of Montreal was jittery and all Quebec government officials were beet red having their mismanagement and disregard of the Mugless Mental Hospital laid bare. American FBI agents wove a different story upset their LSD experiments on Mugless residents had been exposed. According to them it was Squid that was behind the breakout plot. The FBI knew very well from Squid’s speeches in New York that he advocated the abolition of mental hospitals. The local police and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, so well staffed with stoolies and spies, finally tracked down Squid to a deli on Rue St. Laurent in Montreal. Well Squid had an alibi and there was no crime in consuming a gigantic (fatty) smoked meat sandwich, fries, Cott Black Cherry Cola and a big fat Kosher pickle.

The escapees surfaced demonstrating at the offices of the Ministry of Mental Affairs several days after the breakout. They were carrying placards and chanting, “Free mind mutants. End institutionalized cruelty! Up with mutant self determination!”. The Minister of Mental Affairs, Pierre Foutete, had just flown in from Quebec City and urged the demonstrators to remain calm and return to the Mugless. He was greeted with a hail of rotten tomatoes and mouldy zucchini ruining his $700 suit. The director of the Mugless, Dans Lespochesamerican, fared no better being shouted down with cries, “Fuck your paternalism Big Daddy.” The poor man was so upset with the verbal “violence” of the escapees he peed his pants and fainted.

The escapees were gathering a large supportive crowd and began distributing pro mutant pamphlets but in a jiffy Montreal’s finest riot police arrived with eighty paddy wagons. The chief of the Montreal police Jean Lelackey urged the escapees to march into the paddy wagons and be taken to the “safety of the Mugless”. This infuriated the protesters that launched a barrage of rocks felling 12 police yelling, “Hell no we won’t go!” A vicious street battle ensued that lasted some six hours with 32 police and 122 mutants taken to hospital to treat injuries. Four police cars and 2 paddy wagons were torched by Molotov Cocktails. There was one policeman decapitated by a chainsaw witnesses say was perpetuated by an RCMP stoolie.

Eventually those Mugless escapees not transported to hospital for treatment were rounded up and returned to the Mugless where they threatened to burn down the hospital until their demands were meant including the cessation of the CIA LSD experimentation on patients. Compulsory sedation ended and Friday night wine and pizza was introduced The escapees destroyed the lobotomy centre and shock therapy equipment before settling down to a hearty steak and kidney pie dinner and Chateau Lapoor Pakistani Cabernet Sauvignon.

The patients slept like they had not done in years. Liberation was in sight! The next day 219 patients signed themselves out and established a United Mutations Mental Health Street Clinic. One of the sign outs, Ernie Grissol, who was a former apple grower and with money supplied by the United Mutations office in New York City bought an apple farm in Saint Scholastique an hour from Montreal and formed a mutant commune. It became a model farm and treatment centre.  

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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