“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 101 The Laflirte Kidnapping: Different Strokes for Different Folks

When René Hecklevesque heard about the kidnapping of Quebec Minister Laflirte he collapsed and had to be helped to a chair. Some idiotic Orangemen had thrown a wrench into the fine machinery of his plot, as after the Laflirte kidnapping the population of Quebec welcomed its occupation by the conquering Canadian army. If the army could rescue one of its own kidnapped from les maudits Anglais their presence wasn’t that unbearable. Hecklevesque could hardly draw but a small crowd to his speeches. Some of the audience even heckled him labelling him a troublemaker who had caused this Quebec grief. What a fickle group of fools they were. In public they were brave freedom fighters but when it came to the test they preferred their American cars and Californian wine! It was only the hardcore MSQ members that still backed Hecklevesque but they lacked the power to galvanize the entire province of Quebec into action. Masses were needed to overthrow the old status quo! Oh the tides of electoral politics were cruel! What options were open to Hecklevesque? If Laflirte were executed it would crush him and ruin his fragile popularity. Quebecers would view his execution as a great tragedy and would feel more comfortable in their own misery than in attacking and rampaging against Americans as who wanted to listen to ranting politicians in time of sorrow? His priceless momentum would be lost and he’d lose his chance at assembling a conquering army. His agreement with U.S. President Affliction would be useless as the masses were in no mood to attack Americans and their property. They were so engrossed in the two kidnappings drama. The population had observed and tasted the consequences of a failed nationalist power play. They would be more cautious in the future. Hecklevesque (aka Jiber) was growing impatient.

There was one person who couldn’t be happier with the current state of affairs and that was Montreal mayor Droolpoop. What a windfall the War Pretension Act had been. Almost all members of  the opposition parties in the upcoming municipal election had been arrested! And they would stay there, along with thousands of other without bail and no trial dates being set! Droolpoop was now the established and trusted politician. The probability of a clean sweep in the municipal elections loomed. It could only increase his bargaining power in his bid to bring the 1976 summer Olympics to Montreal.

Montenez, Eno Ergot and Squid were warned by the Montreal police to keep neutral or else be locked up. Other than the warning they were left unmolested. All of them relaxed thinking that the Jiber had overplayed his hand. They thought the Jiber had been responsible for the Dentalfloss kidnapping but it did not make sense that he would kidnap Laflirte under the guise of the Son’s of Westmount and risk a backlash from the public. Jiber had wanted to invoke an aura of repression and have the population rally around his soothsayer image and it worked as the Canadian army streamed into Quebec but this new kidnaping of a Quebec government minister shattered the fantasy of an easy Quebec split from Canada. The population hoped that Laflirte would be rescued by the Canadian army. No body was fighting them. Their loud talk disappeared as they looked down the barres of rifles.

Quebec was in a state of shock as the body of Laflirte had been recovered from the trunk of a pink Cadillac in the parking lot of Lower Canada College in NDG. Quebecers were rightfully steamed up and the only reason a pogrom was not razing Westmount was the presence of the Canadian army so revenge would have to wait until the army left Quebec. There was so much Anglo bashing in the population there was no desire to attack the Americans. Jiber would simply have to make the best of a bad situation. If only the FLQ would release Dentalfloss it would show that the French had more compassion than the English and perhaps this would rally the population against the Americans and the English to regain the honour and dignity of a murdered leader. So Jiber ordered his men to release Dentalfloss but holy shit he died minutes before the call choking on a Kentucky Fried Chicken bone . Now the Quebecers would perceive their own just as bad as the English. The elusive army would have to wait. Not everyone was as fortunate as Montreal mayor Droolpoop who had won a majority of city council seats. Jiber toyed with becoming a food supplier of tainted horsemeat. Back to the drawing board.

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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