What is it they say about fascists? They like law and order except perhaps for The Donald who likes confusion and divisiveness! I am not a fascist but I have Mussolini moments on the golf course. Order, order and more order please. But unlike the modern-day Chinese government I simply can’t send golf etiquette offenders to re-education camps. In today’s politically correct world a negative word from a golf Marshall requires the golf Marshall to be sent to a re-education camp or more likely his or her termination.
My bad day reeks of disorder. How can it be that golfers are set apart by ten minutes for tee-off times but on the third hole they are running 20 minutes behind schedule! Laggards? Incompetents? Rude buggers? Ignorant? Selfish? Today I saw a horrific painful incident of a golfer taking four minutes to set up for a shot which he put in the creek on the first hole. It was a slow day but my soul tells me to say, “Speed it up Jack. Are you so blind to your rudeness and incompetence? And if you have to deal with la la heads you must approach them sooner or later and say you are twenty minutes slow so can you please speed it up. You would like to say that you are a stupid, ignorant and selfish prick so just hit the bloody ball. But as Marshalls are diplomats that supress and butter up the offenders who quite frankly have no thoughts other than themselves. So golfers are the problem. Or is it a system that refuses to make golf etiquette a mandatory course for golfers? One feels as a Marshall they have just signed a non-aggression pact with Hitler.
Then there is the call from the pro-shop about their problems which are always more important than your problems. Chase down a phantom single for an hour while jam ups are occurring because your search for them is more important than golf course reality according to the pro-shop. A Marshall has a better overall picture of the course than someone in the pro-shop responding to complaints. But as golf course management goes Marshalls are the lumpen proletarian. Often the pro-shop passes on valuable intelligence but often it is a call from a golfer complaining about a delay that causes them to lose their perspective. And it is how the message is conveyed to a Marshall from the pro-shop. “Get you ass out there and fix the problem.” This is not what you like to hear. One might prefer, “Looks like we have a back up on the 5th hole can you check it out as soon as you can please.”
Then there are the elements to deal with. Early spring and late fall can be viciously cold as you are zipping about in a golf cart experiencing wind chills. And the frost delays that can back up start times for three hours riling up golfers and stressing out starters and the pro-shop staff. You can dress for thirty below but even that can’t protect you from the bone chilling cold!
Then there are the puffed-up golfers who feel they have paid green fees and are entitled to do as they wish. Selfish twits.
So a bad day involves selfish and ignorant golfers, a pro-shop staff that is more concerned with the calls they receive from unhappy golfers instead of listening to a Marshall that has complete control and perspective. A Golf Marshall as a peon in a golf factory?
To top it off are the groups of complaining golfers that only think of the group ahead of them that is causing delay whereas it could be golfers many holes ahead of them which I must hunt down and politely plead to speed it up because you selfish and stupid pricks are 30 minutes behind schedule!
I suppose then a bad day is one as a Marshall that forces you to be polite and respectful to golfers that are so ignorant, selfish and self important that they simply can’t see the reality a Marshall can! Guess what you need a thick skin for a job as a golf Marshall!