“Mutantism on The March” : Chapter 118: The United Mutations Protest Prior to the Hellsinkit United Nation’s Human Rights Conference

The mutants of the world were dismayed they had not been given a voice at the United Nations Hellsinkit Human Rights Conference. Frustration seeped through United Mutations offices throughout the globe. Given the role the mutants played in saving thousands of lives in Montreal from the attack of the giant killer ants they felt especially dejected and “sold down the river”. Many members shuffled through the office or in a park nearby with heads hung low murmuring to themselves. Many were seen hitting their heads with stale bagels.

The United Mutations office in Montreal had been far more generous than the Quebec government in equipping mutants needing a wheelchair with the best in class motorized wheelchair. Several hardcore mutants laughed at the idea of wheelchairs as they managed without them for years. This was a hearty breed of rebels who openly flaunted their “handicap” doing their best to embarrass the “straights” and their little kiddies. They had managed to achieve a great deal of mobility they had learnt from the most impoverished Indian mutants of Bombay who sat on planks of plywood with wheels and they dragged themselves forward by lassoing objects and pulling themselves forward. However this method had its drawback especially during rush hour in Montreal as pedestrians would occasionally be entangled in rope and bellow insults. This method of propulsion was especially dangerous in the winter if the wheels were not winterized and a patch of ice was encountered which would cause the plywood plank to spin out of control and slide onto the road where they would be run over by vehicles. Some 6 mutants had died this way the year before.

For longer trips the Montreal mutants had rusty decommissioned public transit buses. But the Greek Gods were so impressed by the mutants defending Montreal’s Greek population in the Avenue de Parc Riots they sent the Montreal mutants some 8,000 ancient Greek gold coins that enabled them to buy some 25 new Mercedes passenger vans. They were painted Indigo Blue with the mutant’s logo on the sides which was a wheelchair with a brain on it crisscrossed by two crutches painted in silver. The vans were equipped with CB radios, telephones and a small kitchen with a WC. In fact the mutants developed their own public mutant bus route system in Montreal that welcomed all citizens for no charge. The City of Montreal had big exhibitions to pay for so no transportation was available for the “handicapped”.

A fleet of mutant vans packed with mutants headed off to the offices of the United Nations in New York to protest their exclusion from Hellsinkit. Outside the United Nation’s offices in Manhattan they joined a variety of groups protesting their exclusions from Hellsinkit including United Mutations from over the globe, the Palestine Liberation Organization and the Advancement of Homosexuals Association. They shared their experiences and strategies for coping and defeating the discrimination levelled against them. By the first evening some 20,000 had gathered outside the swank U.N headquarters and every time a delegation arrived they tried to present their case and they were not without success as two diplomats in the Yugoslavian and Fiji Island delegations promised to do “what they could”.  The two friendly but bewildered diplomats were taken to a local Greek taverna on 47th and 3rd for numerous shots of ouzo. It turned out to be a festive time for all except for Myra Ludiwosy and Mea Longo who were summoned to the United Nations and dismissed by the chief of their delegations.

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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