Chapter 7: Some Advice from CNN Newscaster Jim Prosciutto: I Want to Shit on the Lawn of the Russian Embassy in Washington
I am on the CNN corporate jet with veteran newscaster Jim Prosciutto as we head from Poland to Washington. He is asleep as we take off from Warszawa and I am on the seat next to him with my head on his lap. I too fall asleep. Over the Atlantic he wakes up and we have dinner served by a flight attendant. Polish sausages and fried potatoes for both of us. Jim has a couple of shots of Polish vodka. His hands are shaking and his voice is quivering. He does not look well. His eyes are red and moist. He has had 8 shots of vodka after the two initial shots and that is too much even for a Ukrainian except at a wedding.
Jim looks at me and says that he has seen and heard too much. Innocent civilians killed and maternity hospitals shelled by “savage bastards”. He tells me he feels like a Ukrainian and he is hurting. He can’t sleep. He has incessant images of death and destruction. Worse of all he has a sense of rage and fury at the impotence of politics about Americans sitting by as “the Ukrainians have the shit pounded out of them”. An hour of F-18’s striking the vulnerable “Russian convoy” would bring Putin to his knees and end it all.
He looks at me and tells me I have no idea of the important mission I have. I will be mobbed by Americans and Canadians. I will be exhausted by a brutal schedule. He says be prepared for an intensive non-violent combat. He adds you are a brave warrior and your mission is so terribly important that you a dog may be the saviour of Ukraine. He is frightening me. I am a simple dog. What is expected of me?
We land at St. Miguel Airport in the Azores for a refueling and Jim takes me for a walk along the tarmac where I do my business taking time to pee on the wheels of a grounded Russian Aeroflot plane. Later I see that pee captured on international news. I also poop and Jim picks it up and throws it on the doors of the plane to smear Mother Russia. Putin is in a fury and raises the bounty on my head from 5 to 10 million USD.
We land in Washington and I say good-bye to Jim. God bless. The US Secret Service picks me up and we are in a heavily secured convoy to the White House. My cute little white fluffy head is worth a pile of money! We pass the Russian Embassy. I would love to take a shit on their lawn. Even more I’d like to shit all over Putin’s assassinated body. That will have to wait. Do you still think I am a cute white fluffball?