“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious. It is supposed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I forgot about Sethi though. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some Indian food that was superlative I snuck into the room but the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval. Given my sweet pea Mina was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die as a result of my romantic involvement.

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food ,drink, travel, film, and lifestyle issues. He also has published serialized novels "Life at Megacorp", "Virus # 26, "Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog" and "The Penniless Pensioner" Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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