Press Release from the Office of Santa Claus Concerning Trump Tariffs

10January2025: North Pole: Spoof Wire Services

Santa Claus held a press conference this morning at his North Pole headquarters and workshop. The following statement was issued post press conference wherein Santa Claus stated:

“It is with great concern that yesterday I received notice from the office of President Elect Donald J. Trump of the United States. The notice stated a 35% tariff will be levied on all Christmas gifts delivered by myself and my reindeer to the United States. This is to prevent subsidization of Santa’s workshop by the United States taxpayers the notice stated. I have discussed this concept of subsidization with our chief economic officer and he replied there is no subsidy involved. We are a nonprofit enterprise here at the North Pole and our huge stockpiles of cookies and milk simply can’t be converted into tariff payment money. Accordingly if no exemption is available to the delivery of Christmas gifts to the United States all its children will not be receiving Christmas gifts from Santa Claus and that includes President Elect Trump as a result of his Trumpgression  is on the top of our naughty list.

The notice erroneously stated our gifts are made from materials imported from the People’s Republic of China which are then stamped “Product of Santa’s Workshop”. All gifts distributed to children worldwide are made exclusively, except for 12% Greenland content, here in the North Pole with local materials.

The notice stated I am not respecting the borders of the United States by flying into it and distributing gifts without receiving any governmental authority from the United States. Should I attempt to do the same next Christmas Eve I have been warned my sleigh will be shot down.

I assure President Elect Trump I am not smuggling fentanyl in my sac to drop down the chimney of opioid consumers. I make further assurances I am not transporting elves illegally into the United States.

Finally, I object to the public announcements made by President Elect Trump the United States will be annexing the North Pole for the safety and security of the United States. The North Pole is more than a sovereign state; it is the state of mind for millions of children and their families. Could it be our vast reserves of caribou are the reason? There is already a vast poaching problem with the restaurants of the United States charging enormous prices for “North Pole venison” including The Polo Club in Manhattan a favourite Republican hangout.

We here in the North Pole are discussing Trumpgression with the governments of Denmark, Canada and Panama and will be announcing countermeasures. God save the children of the United States. God save Christmas. God save the orange juice producers of the United States and the wineries of California!