Peter Polygrip, the Prime Minister of Canada, announced today that Canada will resettle 2,146,000 Palestinians from Gaza to its Northwest Territories. Prime Minister Polygrip remarked that considering the deep friendship between Canadians and Americans it is the least we can do to assist our fellow neighbours citing the Gaza is a key manufacturer of fentanyl and our mission as the Conservative Party of Canada is “Arretons Les Drogues”. He further commented this was “a great deal” as tariffs levied on Canadian goods entering the United States will plummet from 20% to 19 %.
In order to pay for massive construction costs to house the voluntarily migrated people all Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security Benefits will cease immediately. Polygrip stated, “These creaky old buggers have been milking the system for too many years. While they sit at home watching television and waiting for knee replacements Canadians are hard at work.”
As for the inhospitable climate these Palestinian guests will have to suffer Polygrip was of the view the climate was refreshing and invigorating and “these people” are lucky to have escaped a rubble heap. As all materials for housing the Palestinians must be purchased under the “Buy America” programme construction loans must be obtained from banks domiciled in the United States and as a result Canadian universal healthcare will end.
Prime Minister Polygrip expressed Canadians undying gratitude to Israeli Defence Minister Israel Katz for suggesting the relocation to Canada adding the former Liberal government was so obsessed with anti-neighbourly behavior and carbon taxes it had its head up its *****.
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