Press Release: Spoof News Services: Canadian Ministry of Health Recommends Super Bowl LIX Quarantine for Sanity and Sovereignty  

Toronto: (8February2025): The Minister of Health of Canada Rosie Boilscab addressed Canadians on national television this morning urging Canadians to avoid watching the upcoming Super Bowl. She stated ,”Given the increase of cases of severe psychiatric disturbances amongst Canadians, particularly Post Trumpmatic Stress Disorder and Trumplfluenza it is essential Canadians quarantine themselves from a massive overdose of Americanism foistered upon them by Canadian media outlets palavering and drooling about this sporting event made all the more infectious by the attendance of President Donald J. Trump and the half time show by Kenny “Hot Stools” Lemerde attacker of the beloved Canadian musician Aubrey Flake. Too much Americanism can prove harmful to Canadian mental health. It is essential Canadian’s mental health be safeguarded and a potential hungering for Super Bowl commercials in the face of an existential threat to Canada should not be underestimated. Think of this avoidance as a quarantine for sanity and sovereignty. Canadian television networks would be well advised to telecast last year’s Canadian football championship, the Grey Cup.”