At 2 a.m. Washington time this morning a scuffle broke out in a Presidential garage abutting the White House.
A Republican Guard Patrol, successor to the disbanded Secret Service, and a MAGA Patriot Patrol converged simultaneously upon a suspicious figure hunched over in a menacing manner oohing and awing licking greasy fingers. Both patrols collided with each trying to apprehend the fleeing suspect. In the melee the suspect, clutching a sharp object fell to the ground piercing his ear.
The suspect was none other than President Donald J. Trump. Sources say he snuck out of the White House and accepted an Uber delivery of Kentucky Fried Chicken at the White House gates then had hidden near the garage scoffing the wings and drumsticks when he was apprehended. With President Trump’s pieced ear initially appearing to be a fatal injury as a caution Jimbo Nochance was quickly sworn in as the next President of the United States having to push away Moron Tusk desperately wanting to be the new President.
The President is well and comfortably resting. The chicken bone will be removed later at the Walter Weed Hospital by chief surgeon Dr. Canna Bis.
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