Early this morning the Francesinhas Liberation Front (FLF) and the Confrairia Proud Boys (CPB) took responsibility for the vandalization of three McDonald’s and 4 Burger King restaurants in Porto and the burning of three Tesla’s parked near these establishments.
All these restaurants are part of American fast-food chains operating in Portugal.
The CPB placed piles of toenail clippings outside each restaurant while the FLF pasted huge posters of Francesinhas on windows of these fine dining establishments stating “Eat Portuguese”.
As Fidel Castro and Che Guevara and their band of revolutionaries hid in the Sierra Madre Mountains of Cuba it is thought the FLF and CPB cadres are hiding out in the Douro Highlands.
The Francesinha is a meat packed monster of a sandwich served in beer gravy that has been simmering for hours. The FLF has been upset for years about the “invasion of imperialist carnivoristic forces threatening our national sandwich”.
The CBP are Douro Port Wine enthusiasts enraged by the statement made on 4March2025 by the United States Secretary of Poor Health Kennedy Bobblehead claiming foot trodding of grapes in lagares creates toenail contaminated wine.
The Porto Constabulary is unavailable for comment and to some sources appeared to be at Francesinha bistros laughing and rather enjoying themselves with Francesinhas and litres of Sagres Beer.
Formal statements from the Portuguese government, Porto Vegetarian League and the Sardine Eatery Association of Portugal are expected shortly.
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