A joint press conference convened by the mayors of border towns Salmonlips, British Columbia and Rainallthetime, Washington convened a press conference earlier today at the Swill Motor Inn in Salmonlips.
The mayor of Salmonlips, Reginald Twittle and the mayor of Rainallthetime, Sally Tubbs took to the podium to address representatives of the press meaning Spoof News Services only.
Reginald Twittle issued the following statement, “Here in Salmonlips all citizens have a close relationship with our friends in Rainallthetime. We are border towns located a 3 -minute walk from each other. We have been crossing back and forth from country to country for generations. The citizens of both towns marry each other. We exercise our democratic rights and sip coffee at Tim Hortons in Salmonlips or at the Dunkin Donuts in Rainallthetime as our preferences dictate. We have town hockey teams that play at our Pat Burns Memorial Arena here in Salmonlips and we play our baseball over at Obama Baseball Field in Rainallthetime. You get the point. We Canadians live in harmony with our American neighbours and we want to maintain that relationship.
Our friendship requires memorialization with the establishment of a Canadian and American Friendship League (CANAMF) to act as a bulwark of safety and peace threatened by the Great Tariff War raging between the United States and Canada. CANAMF will be a fraternal and not a political entity.”
Sally Tubbs lumbered up to the podium and issued her statement, “I can’t add much more to what Mayor Twittle has told you. Some of our politicians in this country have been nutso for years stirring the manure so as to speak and it stinks to high heaven. Canadian politicians have stepped in and have inflamed the situation with nationalism. I want to shop at COSTCO in Salmonlips and Mayor Twittle has told me he wants to shop at Kroegers in Rainallthetime. I want to buy my Ozempic at Shopper’s Drug Mart in Salmonlips. This is called freedom of choice.
I am going to give you an example of the sheer nonsense. You know about all that fentanyl leaking from Canada into the United States. We have two Indian restaurants each one on a different side of the border but owned by the same family. Last week the United States Border Services announced a major seizure of fentanyl very close to our town. Well, an employee of the Indian restaurant in Salmonlips crossed over to deliver some MSG powder to our Indian restaurant in Rainallthetime. American border agents seized the MSG announcing a huge fentanyl bust. Hysteria indeed! Then the Canadians in their fancy Blackhawk copters arrested the poor MSG mule labelling him an illegal immigrant threatening the security of Canada.
We shall be working throughout the coming weeks to develop a non-political “manifesto” of how to preserve the friendship of Salmonlips and Rainallthetime.”
Spoof will continue monitoring this developing situation. We remind you it was Spoof at this press conference and not CNN, CBC or Fox. Bringing you the real news you need to know!
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