Spoof reporter Costas Studialos took his family for an “all you can stuff your gullet ” luncheon buffet at an IHOP on Indian Canyon Road in Palm Springs and noticed in the bunk seat where the family settled down to a mound of flapjacks and shrimp grits a document with apple crisp toppings encrusted on it but scraping off the oatmeal topping the envelope had a white label affixed to it “White House Top Secret Document: Operation 51st State”.
Spoof will share its contents with you over the next few days. Its introduction read as follows.
“Strategies for seizing control of the Canadian government”
The Senior Working Group (SWG) discussed the best method for seizing control of or neutralizing the Canadian government.
The SWG recognizes Canadian poll results indicate only 8% of Canadians would consider becoming the 51st state of the United States hence a voluntary surrender of power by the Canadian government is impossible.
A military takeover by American forces would be guaranteed due to the minute size of the Canadian military and a lily livered culture frowning on ownership of guns by citizens but international condemnation can be expected if there was no reason for such a takeover. The SWG stresses an effective annexation must appear justified beyond the rambling and perceived antagonistic comments of the President of The United States.
Like the recent Hamas abduction and murder of Israeli citizens known as the October 7th incident the best offence is to focus on a reason to launch an offensive to justify such domestically and internationally.
The SWG recommends sending a busload of “elderly tourists” from Minnesota, all unemployed actors, to Toronto to watch a Minnesota Twins Major League Baseball series against the Toronto Blue Jays. While the charter bus carrying “the Minnesota fans” stops at an EnRoute rest stop on the 401 Highway outside of Guelph, Ontario a group of Canadian patriots/terrorists will hold the fans hostage in a busjacking demanding a ransom be paid to release the busloads of innocents. The terrorists, of course will not be Canadians as we know their pacifist nature but released from El Salvador prisons Tren de Aragua Venezuelan terrorists masquerading as Canadians. The terrorists shall be paid a large untraceable cash sum and granted an amnesty upon the completion of the operation.
The Canadian government recognizing a national crisis will in an attempt to restore order, particularly after several Minnesotans have been executed by the kidnappers, promulgate the War Measures Act suspending civil liberties and mass arrests of potential enemies of the 51st state will occur orchestrated by friendly Freedom Convoy Patriots in the Canadian military and local police forces that have been waiting for years to seize control of the Canadian government. As Canadian civil unrest increases in intensity and to save American lives, particularly those of the kidnapped Minnesota Twins fans, American forces will “arrive” upon invitation of the Freedom Convoy Patriots to rescue Canada from chaos. With martial law in effect the Freedom Convoy Patriots will establish a protective military junta to gradually transfer power to a newly appointed Governor of Canada.
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