Your admission into the Hernia Club (Inguinal Division) commences from the day you emerged from the shower and noticed a bulge just above the waist. Membership ends upon your death. There is no initiation fee, annual charge or minimum bar and restaurant tab required. No need to worry about global inclusion and diversity. The preponderance of Hernia Club members are old white guys but lots of ethnic representation and women too!
I made the effort of patenting and trademarking “The Hernia Club”.
I have received inquiries from readers which lead to a possible conclusion there is money and possibly moral redemption in The Hernia Club!
A consortium of Albanian tourism operators pitched a very profitable idea to me about combining a hernia surgical centre and beach club on the Albanian Adriatic Coast. Take a Shouldice Hospital approach. Surgeons are airlifted in from Cuba. Sort of a cut and coast philosophy. Spend time at the beach for a minimum of 7 days after your hernia surgery. Eat executive chef prepared meals, play shuffleboard, mini-putt and receive healing massages from an Albanian masseuse. You return home with a tan and will be walking about like a spring chicken. Fortunately, I had my friends at Interpol perform a check on the individuals behind the consortium. Seems all have a “worrisome past” dotted with human trafficking, prostitution and food fraud i.e. the old Calabrian trick of making mozzarella cheese out of plastic.
I prefer a similar offer from crack hernia surgeons in Southern California for a Hernia Club Desert Healing Resort in Rancho Mirage. Surgeries will be at the Eisenhower Health Centre in Palm Springs and recovery will be at the resort. Healing desert sunshine, protein miracle Date Shakes and loads of activities for spouses including a lavish Three-Day Post Hernia barbeque (with open bar) to celebrate a migration from bone broth, white rice and hummus to hormone and antibiotic rich squab, squid and organic whole wheat spaghetti.
Stay tuned for the final deal!
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