Spoof News Services: 11May2026: Toronto: Toronto Mayor Molivia Dao announced today that on Canada Day the Billy Bishop Airport runway would be closed for a series of kids’ charity events.
Dao stated, “Kids are our most important assets. We love kids here in Toronto. Kids require millions of dollars for kids’ well being. There is nothing more important than shutting down main arteries in our kid friendly city to benefit Toronto’s kids. Just note with pride we shut down the Don Valley Expressway a main North South artery for the Toronto Marathon so professional marathoners can win cash prizes to support their kids in Kenya. Huge soccer and baseball matches were but slightly delayed so what’s the grief if charities benefit including kids’ charities. I said this weekend would be a test of Torontonian’s mobility for the upcoming FIFA World Cup. I am proud to say that test was a miserable failure and we are proud of that. Visitors to the city will spread the word Toronto is unforgettable and what a boon for tourism to this city!”
Dao explained that the following kids’ charities essential to the fundamental health and wellbeing of kids will benefit from scheduled events on the airport runway;
- Kids Battling Hangnails
- Kids Just Wanting to be Kids
- Kids Battling Mobile Phone Addiction
- Kids Canada Helpline for Shoelace Tying Learning
- Kids Allergic to Roast Turkey
- Promotion of Wholewheat Buns for Kids
- The Foundation for Banning the Word Children in Canada
- Kids Rights to Municipal Wading Pools.
Spokespersons for Bike Lanes for All and Roads for None, The Anti Adult League, The Greta Loonyberg Foundation and the Secaucus Christian Ladies League announced their support for the airport events.
Dao noted the annual Toronto Kids Charity Ball would be held at Toronto’s main rail station, Union Station, and would completely close the rail terminal for the evening.
Main City Council Opposition leader Radish Madford scratched his head when asked for his reaction stating, “You gotta be kidding!”
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