“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: DEFENDING SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE AGAINST MALAY TIGER

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: DEFENDING SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE AGAINST MALAY TIGER

The Singapore Times Exclusive: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: DEFENDING SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE AGAINST MALAY TIGER

Bobby Jr. and I fared poorly in the sleep department before our expedition to Taman Negara Park. The train was lurching and jerking most of the early morning hours.

Bobby Jr. had his shower and I could hear him cursing as he was bouncing off the shower stall walls due to the choppy ride we experienced. And as he is an obese fellow moving around in that tiny bathroom causes him grief.

We had our breakfast in our State Cabin. Chicken congee and watermelon slices for me with a small bowl of excellent jasmine tea; Bobby Jr. 6 pain au chocolate, and a large bowl of lychee yogurt and of course his 12 Monkeys Cambodian tea. Just prior to lunch we arrived at Maripoh Station almost directly in front of the entrance to the Taman Negara National Park.

We are in the heart of rain forest country and this particular rain forest is one of the oldest in Malaysia with dense jungle, wide rivers and lush mountains. Save the Wild Tigers has a keen interest in this park and it is a sanctuary for the nearly extinct Malay Tiger, the national animal of Malaysia. Only 120 or so remain. And they do occasionally kill humans. Logging and mining is driving these tigers from their habitat.

As we exited the train to waiting jeeps which were to take us on a tour of the Park I saw those strange gunpowder, Budweiser beer drinkers and ketchup on hamburger folks who were holed up in a State Cabin with numerous laptops and communication equipment. And why was the North Korean diplomat with them. Again, I queried what they were up to.

Instead of watching the Malaysian jungle from our train windows we were smack dab in the middle of it. The air was heavy and thick and relentlessly humid. Vegetation was fighting with vegetation to reach the sun. A veritable life and death competition.

We were all terribly excited we would encounter a tiger. Our guide said you were more likely to see elephants during the day as Malay tigers are nocturnal hunters. We saw piles of elephant droppings but no elephants.

I was siting next to Sir Reginald Nicomshire who missed breakfast so was munching away on a huge Wagyu beef sandwich topped with gravy prepared by the kitchen staff and he was spilling the beef juice and gravy all over his shirt. He was virtually soaked in a juicy mess. You could smell him a mile away!

Our guide gave us a three-minute pee break advising us not to stray too far into the jungle. Sir Nicomshire’s stomach gave a huge burble gurgle and he trotted into the bush to experience the trots. Too much alcohol last night mixed with rich late morning beef got him running. Yes, the runs can get you running.

Our guide blew the return whistle but Nicomshire still had his pants down groaning with a heave ho. Then a snarl very close to Nicomshire and the hot steaming mess he had deposited on the ground.

The tiger charged bare bottomed Reginald and instinctually I leapt out looking that beast straight in the eyes barking up a storm. He lunged at me grazing my scalp with his huge clawed paw causing blood to stream down my face obfuscating my vision. I leapt under his head and went for the neck and shook it vigorously and its blood started to flow. I heard a gun fire and that spooked the tiger who retreated back into the jungle. As I lay bleeding on the ground I saw behind a bush that strange couple again one putting his gun back in a shoulder holster.

I recall hands picking me up and rushing me back to the Park’s veterinarian station where the gash on my noggin was sown up after receiving a sedatives and local anesthetic. I recall waking up in Nicomshire’s Presidential Cabin on a bed with Amira stroking my head saying repeatedly, “Cuddlecakes sweetheart you will be ok.” Feeling safe and loved and drowsy I fell into a deep sleep.

Nicomshire was furious with himself for having attracted the tiger because of all the beef juice and gravy he had spilt all over himself. What beast or human could resist Wagyu beef residue!