THE CEREMONY AWARDING RORY DYLAN STEPHEN THE SINGAPOREAN MEDAL OF VALOUR (Rory thinks Prime Minister Wong’s address may be slightly exaggerated)
Remarks of Prime Minister Wong
Good afternoon all.
We are assembled here to award the Singaporean Medal of Valour to a Canadian West Highland Terrier, Rory Dylan Stephen, abducted and drugged by an international gang of hoodlums starting at an opium den on Spadina Avenue in Toronto and brought to Singapore via North Bergen, New Jersey and Hong Kong.
From Singapore he was forcefully transported in deplorable circumstances to Bangkok, Siem Reap, Cambodia and then back to Singapore. Then most recently smuggled onto the Eastern & Oriental Express travelling through Malaysia where he languished in a humid baggage car scarcely being fed or given water. He was dragged through Georgetown, Malaysia on a narcotic transaction by a criminal Bobby Fong Jr. well known to Singaporean authorities as was his mother Madame Fong. The Fong’s masterminded Rory’s abduction for purposes which are becoming known by us of late. If they would have been successful, the world may have been plummeted into a catastrophe. A prominent Singaporean citizen, Sir Reginald Nicomshire, was murdered on the train prior to its obliteration.
Days ago, held hostage in Singapore in a swanky den of criminals after surviving the train bombing he was liberated in a dangerous and daring mission by the Singaporean Police Force where after such I personally assumed guardianship of the little guy, only 16 pounds, until picked up by Bob and Fay his master and mistress.
Rory exhibited great bravery and fortitude through his abduction and forced travels attendant to that abduction. I assure you the full extent of his bravery will be known in due course. Can you imagine Rory winning the Singaporean Westie of the Year contest under the pressure of abduction! Nerves of steel.
Rory is the sole survivor of that horrible Malaysian terrorist Amira’s planned explosion killing all 144 on board including a team of 3 Singaporean and two Malaysian investigators.
Rory has witnessed a seamy side of Singapore including extortions at Singaporean construction sites, illegal dog fights and money laundering operations at a Singaporean casino. We here at Singapore will clean up crime where we see it and reward the apprehended criminal elements with a stern caning.
Bob, would you bring Rory forward so I may place the Medal of Valour around his neck with my personal gratitude and that of the citizens of Singapore.
Rory Dylan Stephen please return to Singapore under more auspicious conditions where you, Bob and Fay are welcome to stay with me. My grandchildren advise me they look forward to your next visit.
As for members of the press who were questioning me about the American Operation Epic Turkey as I entered this ceremony I say at this time I have no comments and will not until I have conferred with my ministers and the President of the United States Orville Grump.
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