On the way: More Airline Pig Slop and 9 ½ Hours of Boredom Toronto to Athens: 9September2026
I was last in Greece three years ago to cover the Thessaloniki International Film Festival. I have been visiting Greece since 1971 and the Greece of 1971-73, before the tourist boom, envelops my fondest memories. In the face of time no country remains the same and, in some cases, quickly loses its charm particularly when destroyed by the cruise ships and its thousands of ice cream half day tourists descending like swarms of locusts on “excursions”. Greece like many European destinations is victimized by the cruise ship scourge. Mobs of fanny packers wide eyed with wonder following their leader with a flag on a pole or an umbrella with headsets listening to “words of wisdom”.
Off to Pearson Airport in Toronto for my early evening flight to Athens. Gave a last cuddle to Rory Dylan Stephen, my West Highland Terrier, just past his first birthday. I give the little guy assurances all will be well and with my son and his girlfriend in charge no worries. Well almost no worries.
The UBER fare was astronomical to the airport. Surge pricing and a bevy of extra charges. UBER is becoming like airlines with a base fare and endless add ons. My driver was listening to a podcast on AI centres and the huge amount of energy and water required to operate them. An enormous ecological challenge. A recent arrival from Egypt he is an information technology engineer and an UBER driver on the side.
Check in and security is done in a flash in Toronto unlike the hellish entry and departure from Athens, but more about that later.
I noticed in security a woman with enormous breasts being frisked and giggling when patted down by a female security officer noting, “You’re ticklish aren’t you!” Bizarre.
My flight was over sold. Have you ever been on an international flight that was not sold out? An announcement was made give up your seat and you get a travel voucher for $2,000 a night in a nearby hotel and meal vouchers. Careful what you wish for. I had a colleague years ago visiting Toronto from Boston on business and due to lack of downtown Toronto hotel space she stayed in a vile and filthy “near the airport hotel”.
Awaiting me was an ancient Air Canada Boeing with pale blue and white streaky colours in the cabin matching its bathroom blue exterior. Why Air Canada changed its distinctive red and white fuselage colours to bathroom blue years ago is beyond me.
Thank goodness I had purchased a bulkhead seat for my long legs and mental sanity.
I had forgotten I had ordered a Hindu Vegetarian Meal. Absolute pig slop; a glutinous blob of rice with three tiny chunks of tofu and a few frozen peas. A slight tinge of curry. The corn, lima bean and red pepper salad was half frozen. An indistinguishable coconut type of dessert. I didn’t have the heart to try a rock-hard white roll also half frozen. I could only bear a few mouthfuls of the warm pig slop. Luckily, I had packed celery and some apple slices. Breakfast was strawberry yogurt and a highly processed cranberry loaf with a foot long description of ingredients probably so unhealthy you wouldn’t feed it to a pig. I recall reading a newspaper article years ago that airline economy food was cheaper to prepare than prison food in the United States.
Can you sleep on a long airplane flight in economy? My head kept bobbing downwards then jerking up suddenly probably to avoid breaking my neck.
My earphones were missing a little rubber earplug insert so I was unable to watch a film or listen to music. Airline headsets are pathetic so best to do without. Thank goodness I had a book, J.P. Donleavy’s “The Ginger Man” a portrait of a nasty, boozing philanderer in fact one of the biggest anti-heroes of modern literature.
Thoroughly bored and fatigued we touched down in Athens at 13:30 to face airport hell at passport control an example of the Athens airport’s inability to efficiently process passengers.
