If you have just made a bad shot resist the self-destructive abuse you may heap on yourself. Why not calm down and relax. Take a deep breath and keep doing so until you are under control. Don’t let your emotions take control of you. On many holes this year I was on the verge of losing it with rough shots that were chunked but I took the time to step back and analyze these chunk shots out of the rough were a bad part of my game. If you think calmly you might say it is not me. Why does this always happen? I started using a rescue club out of the rough particularly in wet rough where a club can dig in even if you are a scooper. My game improved upon this simple reflection which if I had discovered 20 years ago would have improved my golf game but being so busy with self criticism, I never had the time to calm down and analyze which by the way is more natural when walking than carting.
Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog Is Back: Cast and Crew Party for “A Dog Saved My Life”
Outside our villa by the pool is where the cast and crew party will be held. The menu will be steak, chicken, rabbit and saltwater crocodile filets. Dylan the Westie, Bosco and I think we will score some meat! “We Dogs Love Meat!”. There are salads, lots of vegetables and Australian desserts one with a strange name “Impossible Pie”. There are many hot appetizers too.
Before the party 6 cases of Malivoire Wine arrive. 3 of Niagara Gamay and 3 of Niagara Chardonnay. It would be apparent that Martin Malivoire, the special effects guy for the film is behind this.
So the guests arrive rather quickly at 7 and there is lots of Tasmanian sparkling wine flowing.
Wait a minute! Do I see Mel Gibson coming through the door? His “Mad Max” film put Australian film on the world’s radar. Both Dylan the Westie and I love the rawness and stark reality of that film. In our film Mr. Gibson is playing Percival Digger, Alice’s third husband who smacked her around. Us dogs run over to Mr. Gibson and we give him a gentle bark. He compliments Dylan the Westie’s and my Hamilton Tiger Cats jerseys we are showing off. As Dylan the Westie and I are in the film he wishes us to “break a leg”!
Boy Nicole is a beautiful woman and she is wearing a nice dress and has make up on and she looks like a real movie star. I get a bit queasy thinking I’ll be her co-star. Can I do it?
As the barbeques are heating up Nicole Kidman asks for attention and says, “Please Welcome Canada’s Gordon Lightfoot”. Mr. Gordon Lightfoot performs “Sundown”, “Carefree Highway” and “Early Morning Rain” to wild applause. He will be doing a 5 date Australian tour in a couple of days with shows in Perth, Sydney, Hobart, Brisbane and Melbourne and Bosco will be staying with us during his tour.
Big clouds of aromatic smoke drift over our heads. Us dogs are getting a special meal of chopped steak, crocodile filet, green beans, mashed potatoes and carrots. No chicken kibble tonight!
I am meeting so many interesting people many of whom have seen the two Disney films about me. The party wraps at 11 as the crew wants their beauty sleep! Dylan the Westie had fallen asleep under the dessert table. Nicole and Fay take us for a walk. Bob has another piece of Impossible Pie with a “stickie” wine from Eradus winery in New Zealand. He is in deep discussion with Mr. Gibson about the brilliance of “Mad Max”.
By the time we return from our walk the caterers are packing up. I give increasingly focused attention these days about the dog bite in Cairo that sent me to the animal hospital. It was no coincidence as it is why I am in Darwin now having the time of my life. Allah, Buddha or God works in mysterious ways.
Man the Rat Pack is back! Bosco, Dylan the Westie and I are sleeping in the same room! I immediately crash out in my Winnipeg Blue Bombers doggie bed dreaming of giving the performance of my life with Nicole Kidman! I think my eyes are wide shut!
Golf And Your Mental Game: Stop!
Ok so you messed up on yet another shot and that is what we amateur golfers do otherwise we’d be on the LPGA or PGA Tour. You can fly off the handle and let forth a stream of foul language which has the effect of igniting a downward spiral of negativity. I say just accept you are an amateur and your fate is many a crappy shot. So if you are about to explode why not take a breath and STOP. Do not react. Just freeze to prevent what your emotions want you to do which is to act without thinking. Try to be the boss of your emotions. Put another way just accept that shitty shot because there is a gremlin feasting on your anger and frustration. That shot is so yesterday and do you want to be haunted on the golf course by a bad shot?
“Mutantism on the March”: THE LAST CHAPTER OF BOOK ONE: Chapter 126 Zortixia and Earthling Recognition
The Zortixians were on a bit of a roll in terms of credibility with Earthlings. Soon it would be time to approach the United Nations for membership. If successful the Zortixians would apply efforts to have Earth admitted to the Intergalactic Council. The sweet smell of success was not far off.
The Zortixians had much offer to Earth in terms of peaceful technology and medicine. Earth did have agricultural products to offer. Zortixians had subsisted on synthetic food for so long they had forgotten what real food tasted like. For example, the Montreal mutants had sent a ton of apples to Zortixia as a gift and there was a near riot when the apples were handed out as the Zortixians had never had such a fruit. Pineapples and mangoes were also the rage. There was even talk of COSTCO setting up warehouses in Zortixia selling Earthling products. The Russians had signed a multi million-dollar vodka deal, the Chinese a beansprout deal and Canada became “official supplier to Zortixia of Earthling wines”.
Not only did Zortixia gain admission as a delegation in the United Nations General Assembly but it was awarded a seat in the Security Council. The Zortixians were champions of the developing world sending engineering crews to build a modern infrastructure and medical teams to eliminate pesky tropical diseases. The Zortixians often insisted the mutants be given official recognition in the countries they were undertaking engineering and medical projects in.
The mutants never had it so good. People were helping them cross the streets and tipping their hats to them. Finally the mutants were popular and respected in the communities they lived in. Montenez was swept into power becoming the new mayor of Montreal. No more white elephant events. Instead Montreal would finally get the sewage treatment facility ignored by former mayor Droolpoop serving 10 years at St. Vincent de Paul Penitentiary for corruption. Gay bars were opened. Schools were established for mutant children. Transvestites paraded the street and longhairs puffed on their joints in the open. Montreal was going to be a different city.
Many governments in the world were trampled under the angry hooves of disenchanted populations that saw what Zortixians could do to enrich their lives. Democracy began to replace dictatorships which fell one by one and the USSR collapsed. It was looking so raw for the bad guys they began to flock to Switzerland, just what it deserved for hiding and laundering their money for so many years. Canada was no exception as railway museums were set ablaze, statutes of corrupt politicians were toppled, roads were renamed and the Canadian Businessman’s Hall of Fame was severely defaced.
Canada had just elected a new Prime Minister Joe Who a heavily jowled man from Western Canada sort of a spitting image of a previous Conservative Prime Minister Jimmy Sleezenbaker. Where would Canada be without confused and dedicated politicians like these men? Probably much more progressive! At least Sleezenbaker was human and you could laugh at him with the rest of the country. Who was not of the same pedigree and he wasn’t much to get excited about with the charisma of a dog chewed pencil. But the province of Hellberta soaking in newly discovered oil finally found a western provinces sympathizer.
The rallying cry of Who became, “Let’s go Hellberta and British Columbia”. Hellberta oil companies could laugh all the way to the bank. They actually wanted to establish a new country! Moose Jaw was to be their new capital. Quebec was supportive of Who as they had been itching to set up their own country. Well thank goodness the Zortixians were here so The United States would never swallow up Canada. Greed helped establish Canada now it was destroying Canada.
What a mess. Perhaps everyone should start again?
“Mutantism on the March” :Chapter 125 Some Earthlings Visit Zortixia
The Zortixian government had distributed over 100 pamphlets throughout the globe attempting to explain Zortixian history, customs and just about any fact that they thought would make Earthlings comfortable with Zortixians. It was now time to invite a small group of Earthlings to Zortixia and let them see for themselves what Zortixia was all about. To start with 20 Montrealer’s were to go up up and away to Zortixia. Squid placed a couple of small ads in the classified section of three Montreal newspapers looking for humans to make the trip for a cultural visit. Many people had a chuckle over what they saw as a sham. Aliens did not exist! Yet there were many that were awed by the Zortixian “cure liquid” for cancer and gave serious thought to Zortixia existing. Squid managed to get 10 mutants and 10 citizens of Montreal from all walks of life such as priests, students, lawyers, doctors and journalists. They vanished from Earth and three weeks later reappeared with incredible stories about Zortixia. Overall their initial stories were not taken seriously but credibility began to snowball as the recounters of these stories had credibility. Soon thousands of people were sending requests for trips. Extra spacecraft were added to meet demand. As the Zortixians confiscated all cameras hard physical evidence was impossible to show the doubters. The reasoning behind this was if photos were taken some countries might try to imitate Zortixian technology and use it to gain some world economic advantage.
A prominent Canadian psychologist called these visits part of a growing problem of mass insanity just as some Zortixians had feared. The mutants kidnapped her sending her to Zortixia. Her tune changed when she returned. As the masses spoke up and enrolled in local Zortixian cultural centres governments throughout the world began to perk up their ears. After several months the Zortixians had welcomed Canadians, Americans, East Germans and Italians. Earthlings were gradually coming to the realization that Zortixia did in fact exist. It was a gradual and gentle process. The Zortixians were focusing on hosting over a million Earthlings but it would take what it would take!
“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 124 Can the Vermont Boat People Be Saved by the Zortixians?
When Dr. Zodiac heard of the plight of the Vermont boat people he immediately contacted Zortixian medical authorities to see what measures, if any, could be taken to combat the suffering of the Vermont boat people. Yes it was true Zortixian scientists had created a cure for Earthling cancer but had learnt through previous generations of Zortixian scientists nothing could be done to repair cellular damage to humans caused by radiation. Zortixians had endured so many nuclear wars in the past they had developed a resistance to radiation. These Earthlings only had decades of exposure to radiation and immunity to its effects had to be built over 300 years.
Zeus who had read of the tragedy phoned Montenez and offered to take a few thousand of the hopeless to the Zlano dimension where just possibly they might think that they were in heaven and die with a smile on their face. Zortixian craft organized the airlift and en masse the poor wretches died many with a smile on their faces. It was preferable to dying in a filthy boat.
The Greek gods told Montenez they “wanted to start all over again” and wished to welcome the less critically affected and start a new civilization. The Gods had somewhat recovered from their disgust of humanity which had caused them to move to the Zlano dimension and were now happy to start all over again with humans. Zlano was humming. The boredom of Zlano had been stifling for the younger gods who yearned for adventure and drama that humans created. The other survivors had been invited by the new SGR provisional government of Nicaragua as part of their repopulation plan. Each guest would either be given a plot of land and a simple dwelling or offered a position with The Reconstruction Bureau. The world continued on its way and Canada continued to export uranium and their CANTDO nuclear reactors. A few thousand deaths should not be permitted to obstruct the sacred goal of profit.
“Mutantism on the March” :Chapter 123 Vermont Nuclear Meltdown Swells the Ranks of the Mutants
A terrible human error at the Four Kilometre Nuclear Plant in North Hero, Vermont thrust thousands into the ranks of mutantism. Employees were too busy watching a baseball game on television and forgot to flip a control switch causing a reactor to overheat and explode and melt not only Alburg but North and South Hero and a toxic cloud of radioactive dust blanketed Burlington. Thank goodness for Canada the poisonous cloud was moving southward down to Boston. Vermonters were severely poisoned if they were not melted. The United Sates government was brutal in its “solution” of the problem herding thousands of contaminated Vermonters into surplus navy ships, towed them out to sea and set them adrift with food, water and medical supplies. 65,000 Vermonters were set adrift in the ocean like stateless refugees. They were warned by their federal government should they set foot on American soil they would be “terminated”. Embarrassed governmental bureaucrats in Washington bet on the probability that these contaminated Vermonters would all be dead in a week. Washington called this vile action a “quarantine” to protect further contamination.
Hence the birth of the Vermont “boat people” drifting aimlessly on the ocean with no fuel and dwindling supplies but with lots of morphine! Americans were frightened with this “accident” but the federal government assured them they were safe and it was a one in a billion accident. The Vermont boat people were outraged with their treatment many of whom were quiet and loyal Americans formerly lulled by the chanting’s of their government about how safe nuclear power was. Most of these Vermonters died a horrible death. Rumours were circulating amongst the Vermont boat people that those who did not die would be “finished off” by their government to prevent embarrassment of federal officials whose slack training and safety protocols were to blame and the greed of the public utility salesman always willing to cut corners as far as safety was concerned.
The Vermont boat people drifted about hoping some country would give them refuge. Perhaps Cuba. But as they landed on the shores of foreign countries nobody was willing to give sanctuary to these contaminated souls instead giving them supplies and towing them back to sea. Some of these countries had nuclear power plants and who did not want their population to think they were next! Canada had actually sold uranium to this Vermont nuclear plant. Uranium was a valuable export. Count the cash and keep quiet.
The first Vermont boat person recorded was seen in Newfoundland by a hunter who was terrified by the horribly disfigured space creature and shot it and returned with a local reporter. Squid and the Montreal mutants had gotten wind of the killing and pressured the Canadian government to admit these poor souls and if it was concerned about radiation, they could move the Vermont boat people to the Yukon in Northern Canada. The Canadian government expressed “deep concern and sympathy” for these unfortunates but mimicked the U.S. governments position that the “quarantine” was necessary and only temporary. Besides these Vermont boat people lacked proper immigration papers.
Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog is Back: Reviewing the Script of a “Dog Saved My Life” With Nicole Kidman
Before the big cast BBQ tomorrow Nicole (yes we are on a first name basis) hosts a meeting with the cast. To relax the atmosphere Mr. Gordon Lightfoot gets his guitar out and sings “The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald”. Bosco, Dylan the Westie and I are so pumped up!
Mr. Gordon Lightfoot then plays a tape of the theme song he has composed for the film called “Paco a Girl’s Best Friend”. It is a haunting song backed up by Inuit throat singers from Northern Canada. The attendees clap and holler and Nicole hides her tears well. Mr. Gordon Lightfoot is not known in Australia. But he will be known very soon. The song has been out for a couple of weeks and is rising like a bullet on the Billboard carts. “MR. GORDON LIGHTFOOT YOU HAVE A SMASH HIT! “
Nicole stands up and speaks, “Hello everyone. It is so good to see you all here. We are going to make the damn best movie ever. It better be just that as executive producer I am funding it. You out there are part of this exciting project so I am counting on you.
Yes, you have read the script through many times but let me give you my take on it. The film is called “A Dog Saved My Life” and I am the lead character Alice Springs. The co-lead is Reggie that marvelous dog sitting in a chair at the back of the room with his name on it. Reggie will be called Paco a rescue dog from the Dominican Republic. Reggie is a newcomer to acting although there are two Disney films “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” and “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog is Back”. Together these two movies are the biggest grossing movies ever. There is also a series “Reggie” on the ABC network in the United States that is syndicated in 33 countries including Australia.
Alice Springs is a rich Australian girl living in Melbourne. She has had three disastrous marriages including the last one where she was severely beaten by her deranged husband. No amount of money can fix her broken soul. So she comes to rough and tumble Darwin Australia to heal. Neither drugs, alcohol, yoga or mindfulness can fix her broken soul. Alice sinks into a deep depression which is so severe neither psychotherapy or anti-depressants can help. She overdoses on pills and survives. Medical intervention saves her but she feels this is really the end of her life.
One day while walking on the beach just over the road from where we sit now she is taking a moody walk with her head down until she sees Paco who she tries to shoo away but Paco stays close sensing danger and Paco is right as a huge saltwater crocodile starts slithering towards Alice who lets out a horrifying scream and starts to run but we Aussies know it is difficult to outrun those brutes Paco jumps out and heads towards the croc. Imagine the bravery of a 20 pound dog defending Alice against this brute. It will be a fatal bloodbath for him but as a Habanese dog he is an incredible jumper and as the croc now sees a smaller meal he heads towards Paco who jumps high over the croc giving time for Alice to run to safety. A crowd gathers on the beach horrified by the scene. Paco realizes Alice has run to safety and takes one last leap over the croc whose massive jaws just nip his tail. Paco is cut and runs back to Alice to the roar of the crowd. Beach Rangers shoot the croc. Alice is somewhat of a spiritual being and believes in the Buddhist concept of auspicious connections namely that there are no coincidences in her life and that Paco has a role to play in her destiny.
Our special effects guru Martin Malivoire from Canada is here. He promises that he can create a realistic croc attack battle between Paco and the beast and this is a crucial part of the film. He must make it perfect as it might make or break the film.
Paco like Alice is a bit of a reject. He was beaten and abused in the Dominican Republic and we have built a set 15 miles from here to replicate Paco’s village in the Dominican Republic. There will be some 20 minutes shot about Paco’s past which will serve the purpose of establishing that Paco is an outsider like Alice due to his life experiences.
Paco refuses to be touched by Alice who is so shaken up she is escorted to her beach house by two Beach Rangers with Paco following behind. Paco follows her to the door of her house but despite her pleading he refuses to enter her house. There is a big scene with Alice pleading with Paco to come in as she sees a role for him in her future but she is unsure what it is. Paco refuses but he is tormented by his distrust of humans so still refuses to enter. This is an important scene for Russell Crowe who is Paco’s voice as Paco feels a connection and a tremendous amount of sympathy for Alice but through flashbacks, he recalls the abuses he suffered at the hands of humans. Paco feels that he needs a sign that he can trust Alice. Alice goes inside and brings back a bowl of water and some chopped steak and tells Paco just bark when you want to come in. Her actions of kindness may be the sign that Paco is looking for. Well at 4 in the morning he barks waking up Alice who opens the door and Paco jumps in and hides in a broom closet. For the next 10 days we see Alice trying to show Paco she is trustworthy and just like that one morning as the sun is rising he goes up to Alice’s room and jumps on her bed. Alice gestures for Paco to come for a cuddle but he growls at her. Russell again this a key scene as Paco wrestles with the idea of establishing a safe relationship with a human. Paco is on the edge of making a reconnection with humanity and is wrestling with suspicion and distrust rather like Alice.
The rest of the film is about Paco and Alice learning to trust each other. Alice finally makes a connection with a living being and devises a plan to introduce dog therapy in abused women’s centres. She opens 6 of these shelters in Australia. The therapy programme gets thumbs up from the Australian government. Alice finally finds a purpose in life and Paco learns to love Alice and trust humans again.
So there we have it mates. Let’s party at the barbie tomorrow and take a day off then start rehearsals the next day.”
I feel I have a great responsibility as an actor to portray an abused dog that learns to love and trust humans and to the abused women of Australia. And Nicole is so great I simply can’t disappoint her. A successful film will bring Bob and Fay lots of money but they already have so much so money is not the issue here. I also can’t let Martin Malivoire or Mr. Gordon Lightfoot down. “IT’S SO HARD TO BE AN ACTOR! I HAVE SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY!”
“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 122 The Mutant Surge in Popularity
Dr. Zodiac was in a joyous mood not only because the “cure liquid” for cancer was causing Earthlings to warm up to Zortixia. Many Earthlings said their countries owed a debt to Zortixia for providing a cure for cancer. Also he was delighted that Zenon Girov the Zodiac serial killer had been cured of his murderous ways. No more murders. After working for several months at a mutant street centre in Ville St. Laurent in Montreal headquartered at the derelict Motel Pierre on Laurentian Boulevard, he enrolled at the Faculty of Law at the Université de Montreal. He was at the top of his class and along with some of his fellow students had formed “Legal Rights for Mental Patients” (LRMP). Bertie Foonbean had shown that the abolishment of these odious institutions was, for the moment, impossible. But one could at least take the step to safeguard the rights of patients in these institutions. Zenon was repaying humanity, in some small measure, for the suffering he had caused with his Zodiac killings in San Francisco.
The United Mutations were finally lighting up the scoreboard after years of being shutout. Their credibility was lifted by the many positive remarks Dr. Zodiac had made about them. There was talk of mutants forming political parties throughout the world.
Squid was immersed in the task of explaining to suspicious and paranoid Earthlings that there was a Zortixia. The first shipment of Zortixian “information pamphlets” was now being distributed throughout the world. The response was somewhat lukewarm as the pamphlets became best sellers in the science fiction category. Reviewers praised the imagination and creativity of whomever wrote these booklets. Well at least some recognition was preferable to total ignorance. One would have to persist. Look how long it took the United States to recognize the Peoples Undemocratic Republic of China! Was this reluctance justified with the fact that Zortixians had offered the world a cure for cancer?
Meanwhile the mayor of Montreal Jean Droolpoop, under intense scrutiny for his reckless spending for the 1976 Summer Olympics, was now hosting some international floral show at the cost of unrecoupable millions. The sweet smell of flowers could not disguise the stench of untreated Montreal sewage flowing into the St. Lawrence River. Montreal was dying a slow death along with its ignored infrastructure. He was beginning to sound and look crazed as he now was trying to bring a Grand Prix Racing Event to Montreal. Oh, what godly accomplishments he boasted with such moral bankruptcy. Would he never learn economic prostitution eventually catches up with its perpetuators and benefactors?
Droolpoop was fortunate to have escaped serious questioning at the provincial Woof Woof Commission hearing into Olympic spending. It earned that nickname as there was much barking but little or no biting. It was not really that difficult for Droolpoop as the provincial government of Quebec had given him a script to follow and he just had to act with an angelic smile and follow the script. The Quebec provincial government wanted to cover up the overspending as they had failed to exercise any oversight of Droolpoop. Yes they had been negligent! Just about anyone with a head screwed on tight concluded that Droolpoop was an economic criminal but the powers that be really did not want to do anything about it. “politiques normale”.
Golf and Your Mental Game: The Injured Hunter: Adding to Your Misery and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
There is the ancient tale of a hunter out with his tribe. An enemy tribe spots the hunter and his fellow hunters and zing he gets dinged by an enemy arrow. The injured hunter is in pain and he is trying to deal with that pain. But his mind wanders and he begins to chastise himself for wearing a bright and very visible headdress, for so carelessly being in open sight, for venturing out in the daylight making him an easier target and for being with a bunch of inexperienced hunters that he had to keep an eye on rather than scanning the vista for danger. So he is heaping more mental pain and anger onto his physical pain. Where does that take him? Deeper into misery and suffering.
Think of that story when your ball soars over the green onto a steep hill 20 feet from the green which slopes downward from your ball’s position. You have enough to face with a treacherous chip shot but you berate yourself for using the wrong club, for hitting the ball too far or for not using your usual brand of golf ball. You are thinking all these negative thoughts when your issue at hand is striking a delicate chip shot. You are flustered and your chip is too low and fast and rolls right off the green for a difficult uphill chip so you berate yourself again and so forth. And the negative energy builds and you add onto your distress by thinking that 9 you just scored has ruined your golf game so you start thinking about the back nine instead of your next shot off the tee.
Where did your behaviour and thought process leave you? You are an unhappy and possibly angry golfer because you added a series of negative thoughts when you should have accepted your errant shot and concentrated on “redeeming” yourself with your next shot. Misery compounding misery is not what the happy golfer needs. On to the next hole. That 9 sucks but there is no sense in letting that haunt you and ruining your day. The last thing you need is golfer’s post traumatic stress disorder.
A Bird's Eye View of Fashion, Food, Travel, Culture, Beverage and Curiosity 