Little Birdie Global News Service: Toronto: February 1, 2023: It was reported today by the Global Union of Virus Control in Bucharest, Romania that an American COVID mutation virus suspected to have originated in Kansas has been detected in Tirana , Albania. It is thought the carrier had attended a great American barbeque cook-off contest in Kansas recently.
Thankfully the virus has been referred to by scientists as a “soft one” unlike other mutations of COVID like the Brit Bug, The Malaysian Marauder, The Canuck Muck, The South African Slayer and the Pakistani Pillager.
Symptoms are being compared to those one would expect with the seasonal influenza. The “cure” is called MAGA which is a mixture of emulsified Mary Brown fried chicken, apricot nectar, chopped green grapes and a small amount of arsenic. Further details on how to prepare the cure will shortly be released by the Global Union of Virus Control in the upcoming weeks. The Global Union advises against travel to the United States at this time and avoidance of consumption of pork ribs produced at the Pence Piggery Meat Packing Plant in Tennessee.