“Mutantism on the March” :Chapter 56 “Not Everyone Likes Squid: Dora Birdbrain Speaks Her Mind”

Predictably Squid had not been invited to speak with any of the “well known and respectable charities” for fear he would attack their wealthy patrons or corporations who continually harassed employees into contributing to the charity of the day favoured by their senior management teams. His views on American imperialism would not be appreciated due to the American origins of so many of these charities such as The Disunited Way. The boards of directors of these charitable corporations had no desire to threaten “international” relationships. The last thing they wanted was attacks by Squid on their patronizing attitudes towards the “handicapped” or “impoverished”. These old boys were donating their valuable time and effort to helping these “poor buggers” and how dare anyone dare criticize them. Not only that blemishes on their record might prevent them for being nominated to enter The Canadian Businessman of The Year competition.

The established media virtually blacklisted all reporting of mutant rallies using the excuse the mutants were communists led by the revolutionary Squid. Whereas the media would occasionally report the antics of Marinated Brains as head of the Canadian Communist Party. They did however publish many anti-mutant letters to the editor. For example the Montreal Afar paper published a letter from Mrs. Dora Birdbrain who lived in the Montreal suburb Pointe Afar;

Deport Trouble Causers!

Dear Editor:

I think it is high time we clean up the streets of Montreal. There are too many dirty long haired welfare bums and draft dodgers prowling our streets like wolves corrupting our youth and our wholesome Canadian way of life. It is high time some level of government stands up to these vagrants with a firm hand They deserve the Bulgarian treatment where the Bulgarian government forces long hairs to shave their long hair off and have a both before entering their country. Send in the police force and army under some emergency order to wipe out their dens of subversion or take them to re-education camps. Better yet send them back to the USSR as they are no better than communist scum.

Talking about scum this Squid fellow is a lunatic claiming to have seen the founder of Montreal Jacques Cartaway kidnap Indian chiefs hundreds of years ago. This man is a dangerous nut whose brain has been steeped with LSD and communist ideology. I hear he gave our closest allies, the United States, severe trouble in Columbia and Nicaragua. Obviously he shows a lack of respect for democracy. At this moment the Americans are waging a valiant war against Vietnamese Communists yet dirty commies and draft dodgers are on our streets burning American flags. They are whipping up problems against President Johnson. Our neighbours need strong moral support from Canadians. The last thing our ally needs is to be stabbed in the back by Canadian rebels and red sympathizers.

This Squid Marxist claims he is fighting for the rights of mutants. Does he think he is defending the rights of freaks in a circus? We Canadians have a wonderful record of dealing with mentally and physically handicapped peoples and our native Indians and Eskimos will be thanking us for generations sending their children to residential schools to take their savagery away from them. I saw Chief Sellemout of the Quebec Cree Association express his gratitude to the residential schools of Quebec for giving young Crees the language and skills needed to excel in our world. No matter Indian, Eskimo, psychiatric patients and the handicapped are well taken care of in Quebec. I give donations to many institutions so yes we normal people top up the generous support the Quebec government offers to the disadvantaged. Without governmental and citizenry donations these people would be living in slime pits. If these people are tricked by Squid to joining his mutant movement they’ll be back in the Middle Ages

It is our Christian duty to help these people. It isn’t our fault these people are incompetent and incapable of taking care of themselves. It really burns me up when I hear about Squid’s attacks on how we treat our Indians and Eskimos. He even has a fancy name for them “indigenous”. They have the safety of wonderful reservations. Isn’t that what their elders fairly bargained treaties for? Of course there is a bit of poverty but not strange as they like to drink so that is why we have rescued their children and placed them in residential schools. Their betterment may take time as after all Rome was not built overnight.

We give cripples and the gimp jobs weaving baskets and making pottery and they are overjoyed to have the opportunity to do something. In fact I purchased a lovely vase at our church bazaar last week made by one of those unfortunates. Isn’t amazing what those people can do! But Squid rabble roused and gives the false illusion to these people they can do better. Surely these people realize their incompetency prevents them doing more serious work.

I work as a volunteer at the Mugless Mental Hospital and the inmates live like they would in a hotel. Even the CIA is conducting make better therapy with LSD. Innovative and exciting and totally focused on patient care. A large staff exists so that mental illness can be cured yet Squid has some insane idea to abolish mental hospitals. How could they function in the real world? If we opened the gates we would face anarchy which no doubt Squid wants. His idea of street centres for mental cases! These people associating with other mental cases all day long! They need strong minded people to tell them how to properly lead their lives. What they need is institutionalized care so at best they can be re-integrated into society. Why at the Mugless Mental Hospital we take them out for a picnic twice a year! What more could they ask for. What would our children think about being exposed to a bunch of wild lunatics running through the streets? Think of the impact on their tender minds. What are social workers for! They visit patients and explain to them how they can properly function in the real world. Why should these poor dears be exposed to the reality of life. It would destroy the work of so many wonderful doctors. We all know the benefits of lobotomies and electro-shock therapy but oh no Squid is against these practices.

If there is anything that convinces me that Squid is a Red is the strong anti-American terms he bandies about. We all feel pity for the suffering masses in the poor countries of the world but they get so much sun and heat it is no wonder they are so lazy. The Americans invest in these countries to ensure democracy takes a strong foothold and the citizens can develop a strong work ethic. Those people need education and not a revolution. Does this Squid person know how gold mines in Brazil have brought out never before seen tribes of primitive savages who they have resettled for their own benefit.

Squid is the one who should be made a guest at a mental institution where a cure for his fuddled head can hopefully be found. Soon our world’s fair Montreal Expo will be opening up so everyone who is concerned about the reputation of this country should write letters to their elected representatives to start a campaign to clear the streets of undesirables. If visitors to Montreal were to see such communist vagrants terrorizing the values of good law-abiding citizens what would they think?

Mrs. Dora Birdbrain (Chair of the Women’s Revival Movement for Temperance)

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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