“Mutantism on the March” :Chapter 90 “The New Piracy”

Eno Ergot was a very frustrated individual these days because of his inability to locate his idol Bluebeard. He was beginning to believe the stories everyone was telling him that it was only an actor Richard Burton that played the role of Bluebeard. The real pirate, if there was ever one, had long ago gone to the worms. Ergot had done a marvellous job of establishing a reputation that Bluebeard could identify with, but Bluebeard, if he still lived, refused to be coaxed out of retirement. Eno while discouraged saw his crew was not as focussed as they smoked weed, drank cases of beer, took saunas and delighted in watching Japanese pornographic films. But they had not lost their sailing skills and few could rival them. Not bad for aliens!

Ergot was somewhat ashamed of their attempt to rob the luxury liner the King Larry. All went as planned but upon entering the ship and waving their weapons and announcing the stick-up the overweight passengers bloated by too many midnight buffets laughed and cheered these actors thinking this was nothing more than Disney entertainment like an extra added entertainment to titillate passengers. A group of bikers on board invited the crew to the “Pirates Bar” and ordered bottled Tequila service and mescaline was snorted galore. Instead of hitting the safety deposit boxes filled with jewels and cash his crew simply headed off to the Pirates Bar and got hammered drinking and snorting drugs into the early morning hours. They even porked out at the midnight chocolate buffet downing bottles of any liquor available. The crew was so hammered cranes had to be used to load the passed-out crew onto boats. It was a disgrace that no captain should have to bear.

The sad reality that piracy, except off the coast of Borneo, the Philippines and the Azores was nothing but a glorified sea myth. Instead of fleeing pirates people welcomed them in fits of nostalgia. Oh how times had changed. No longer was this mode of crime waged with cloak and dagger. Crime was so civilized and polite it was often difficult to detect who were the real pirates. The lusty pirates had fallen under the charge of the white shirted captains of industry. Why, modern piracy had become so legitimized and respected no one paid much attention to it except for stockholders and financial analysts who called piracy “stockholder return”. Piracy had become legitimized in the stock exchanges of the world where the clever manipulators were the financial Bluebeard wizards fleecing the deceived and innocent. While the old pirates stole from the rich these new corporate pirates stole from everyone that they could dupe. Ergot thought that this new piracy was called exploitation. Piracy of the old may have been messy at times but it was limited and cleaner. A few heads loped off instead of millions fleeced and ruined. 

Eno remembered the promise he had made to Jiber which was a meeting on Earth to co-ordinate their mischief to orchestrate a galactical takeover. Where in the hell was Jiber? The Earth was a large place but eventually they would cross paths. Ergot assembled the crew and informed them that their new mission was to find Jiber and discuss future conquest actions with him. It was decided to head to Montreal where there was a world’s fair called Expo 67. With global visitors perhaps they could get information as to where they could find Jiber. And they could open a restaurant in Montreal serving pirate cuisine as they had done in New York with success.

In due course their ship sailed into Montreal’s harbour being greeted by a bevy of confused customs officials. As other custom’s authorities before them had thought Eno’s ship and crew were simply part of some cultural exhibition. After they toured the bogus on board museum they extended a warm welcome to the visitors. Within days Ergot had obtained both a restaurant permit and a liquor license. Within a week Eno’s restaurant “Eno’s Place” was operational quickly becoming a success amongst Montreal’s elite. It was the place to be seen eating marinated and chilled “Hornblower Shrimp” and drinking Bichot Reserve Chardonnay. Jean Droolpoop, the mayor of Montreal, was not pleased as his Mafia friends serving all variety of diseased horsemeat at Expo 67 would not be pleased with the competition. He’d find the overly eager bureaucrats who gave Ergot the permit and license and teach them a lesson. Droolpoop’s Restaurant the Vaseline Gob was having financial difficulties which were exacerbated by Ergot’s “Eno’s Place”. Ergot had no idea the pain he was inflicted on political chieftain Droolpoop. As in New York his restaurant thrust him into celebrity status. Wherever he was seen people clamoured to engage in conversation with the successful and charming entrepreneur. Even at ladies’ luncheons, schools and public libraries he mesmerized all with his sea yarns. After several days Eno experienced a change of heart. Perhaps it was time to lead a decent life and enjoy the luxuries that accompanied it. The life of piracy was futile.

Published by Robert K Stephen (CSW)

Robert K Stephen writes about food and drink, travel, and lifestyle issues. He is one of the few non-national writers to be certified as a wine specialist by the Society of Wine Educators, in Washington, DC. Robert was the first associate member of the Wine Writers’ Circle of Canada. He also holds a Mindfulness Certification from the University of Leiden and the University of Toronto. Be it Spanish cured meat, dried fruit, BBQ, or recycled bamboo place mats, Robert endeavours to escape the mundane, which is why he has established this publication. His motto is, "Have Story, Will Write."

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