The medical establishment has been baffled that Bob and I were pronounced dead at 12:04 but hopped out of our sick beds at 12:05. Thank you all you Buddhists who meditated us back from death and for God telling us it was not really our time to go to the world beyond. Now our doctors tell us we must rest for 5 days. I think they can’t grapple with the power of prayer.
CSIS and the CIA confirmed the Russian hitmen were Russian military. Everyone knows who sent them but there is no proof that beady eyed hoodlum ordered the hits. Unfortunately all Russian Buddhists have been rounded up as “enemy agents” and are working at Oligarch Corporation’s various coal mines in Murmansk and in North Korea.
The world is shocked about the lowness of this attack. I am not. I am a mortal enemy of the beady eyed man and I vow I will rip out his throat before I die. Do you hear me you evil beady eyed man. You’ll be riding bare chested on your stallion into hell. And Russian Orthodox hell probably has a senior executive position waiting for him. Why he might even overthrow the Devil and create a new hell!
My countrymen are now seething with revenge in their blood and have just pushed the Russians out of Kiev and the world has discovered the beady eyed man is now the “Butcher of Bucha”. Brave Russians executing civilians and raping and looting. A big Russian warship has been sunk by two Ukrainian missiles. To my great satisfaction the CIA has learnt the missiles had “A Gift From Andrij” written on them and a fragment of the missile with that inscription sits on the beady eyed man’s desk in the Kremlin. Screams of rage were heard for two days. We’ve royally pissed off the beady eyed man!
Bob, Dylan the Westie, Bosco, Reggie and I set up a meeting with Mr. Gordon Lightfoot and Drake who have volunteered to set up a global rock concert with venues in Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, Vancouver, Sydney, London, Paris, Barcelona and Rome with the best musical talent. Bob’s Reggie’s Dog Foundation is covering all expenses. It is going to be called “Ukraine Rocks for Freedom”. I will be a guest of honour in Toronto, Dylan the Westie in London, Bosco in Sydney and Reggie will be at a live feed in a stadium in Washington where our friend Joe Biden will make a short speech with Reggie at his side.
Man we are going to rock. At each venue there will be a Ukrainian rock band. Mr. Gordon Lightfoot and Drake are working around the clock to get this up and running. The proceeds will be directed to fund humanitarian aid and for animal rescue in the Ukraine. The beady eyed man has miscalculated and a noose will be tightening around his neck.