The Ebola outbreak with a ground zero thought to be the The Toronto Blue Jays spring training camp in Dunedin, Florida has roared out of Florida with cases and fatalities being reported in Texas, Alabama, Arkansas, Missouri and Louisiana.
Official United States governmental sources have pointed to Amy Pickenbobber, (pictured here at The Municipal Pool in Guantanamo Bay) a Canadian first grader visiting her idols The Toronto Blue Jays at the ballpark in Dunedin as being ground zero for “Bluejayosis” as President Trump has referred to the Ebola disease. Victims hemorrhage to death and die writhing in a pool of blood. Pickenbobber is currently a guest of the United States at VIP accommodations at the United States Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay. Apparently hostage exchange negotiations are currently underway between Canadian and American governmental officials.
President Donald Trump, currently enjoying a vacation with Russian President Vlad Putin on the Black Sea convened a hasty press conference to praise the outbreak’s beneficial effect on strengthening the Golden Age. He stated in part, “Canadians have started this very bad flu, Bluejayosis, in Dunedin Florida using a cute and supposedly innocent first grader Pickenburger and a can of flu bug germs hidden in a can of Canada Dry Gingerale to spread disease throughout the United States. Pickenburger is where she should be as a untrustworthy alien enjoying American hospitality at our Marine base in Squatanamo Bay. Americans need not fear. We went through the Spanish Flu here in 1967 wreaked upon us by a Mexican grape picker Caesar Chavez. The flu only makes Americans stronger through improving genetics. Those who survive this flu pass on their stronger genes to future cadres of the Golden Age. The weak will not survive. The strong are the core of our Golden Age. Our leading Secretary of Health Rob Bubblehead has advised me to treat this flu as anything more serious is an attempt by left wingers to discredit my administration and denigrate the work of my Special Advisor Moron Tusk who has rationalized the health bureaucracy in the United States by eliminating it. We should follow his recommendation of avoiding the wearing of masks, washing hands and visiting wet markets and instead make yourself a cup of hot tea with two ounces of Tennessee bourbon and going to bed early.”
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