At a news conference today in Houston, Texas Mr. Tony Waddle of the American Full-Bodied People Society declared Americans are being held hostage by the decision of the government of Denmark to impose a 350% retaliatory tariff on the export of maigreism to the United States.
Maigreism is a key ingredient in American weight loss drugs. It is mined in abundance in Greenland and nowhere else.
Over 234,000 million American men, women, children and pet dogs are on these weight loss drugs.
Mr. Waddle stated, “Americans in the New Golden Age are entitled to eat to their heart’s content. It is all-American! It might even be in our Constitution. First the Canadian state of Ontario cut off all electricity to our country and now a barbarous act of placing a huge tariff on maigreism. We urge our President to order the Governor of Canada to reinstate electricity exports without tariffs and the King of Greenland to un-tariff maigresim!”
Spoof News Services attempted to solicit comments from tariff czar Bill Slugnick but was informed by a spokesperson he was too busy to respond to our queries as he as planning the invasion of Greenland.
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