“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

The Singapore Times Exclusive: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

Madame Fong stands there immaculate. Coldly immaculate. Brutally immaculate. Dripping like lychee syrup approaching the Cathay Pacific oversize baggage area at Singapore Changi Airport.

To the clerk she oozes care and compassion saying, “Where is my sweetie Cuddle Cakes?” The clerk hands me over and as I have peed all over myself and stink like stale ammonia, I am far from a “sweetie”.

I am leashed by a large bald Malaysian man and walked to the limousine area but not before I take a huge pee on the curb and then a elephant sized poop Mr. Malaysia steps in emitting curses in a language I do not understand. What I do understand is its fury.

“Filthy pig of a mutt” the real Madame Fong screams.

We arrive in a quiet area of Singapore in front of a huge shop house. I think it is a restaurant as I see a sign “Fong’s Curry House”. It would seem Madame Fong has a passion for running restaurants!

There is a sign outside saying “All the fish head curry and Munja cakes you Can Eat/ 32 Singapore Dollars!”

Bob prepares Japanese curry at home so I recognize the smell. The restaurant is packed. The fish head curry is served over noodles. The munja cake is group of tiny glutinous rice treats.

Like the Family Noodle Restaurant on Spadina Avenue in Toronto I am taken down to the basement and instead of an opium den I see shady characters in sunglasses selling cartons of chewing gum. Chewing gum sales, unless for medical purposes, are illegal in Singapore!

Furthermore there is a pit where patrons are spitting chewing gum wads into like it is a thrill. Chewing gum rebels! Hork out a wad of chewing gum on the streets of Singapore can land you into a mess of trouble. You can be fined up to $2,000 USD! Good on you Singapore as a dog I see wads of that filthy stuff on the streets where I walk!

I wolf down a bowl of rice and chopped Singapore Chicken and drink a gallon of Evian water and fall into a deep sleep the sounds of jet engines on my brain but not before I hear Madame Fong tell me that she has big plans for me tomorrow and if I cause any trouble she’ll put me in the pit for a dog fight. Sweet woman.