“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY?

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY?

The Singapore Times Exclusive: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY:

I woke up at noon the following day feeling not so great. Dehydration and jet lag. I was locked in the chewing gum storage area and the smell of mint was driving me around the bend.

So here I was in Singapore stranded without Bob or Fay or for that matter anyone I knew.

There was no Westie godmother to drop from the sky and liberate me.

When I was walking with Bob on trails he often said to me when I faced some obstacle in my way what was my strategy to deal with it. I could slither under it, jump over it or walk around it. Yes, it was incumbent on me here in a Singapore shop house to devise a strategy to deal with my unpleasant situation. A strategy means how, when and where I could address my dilemma.

I ruled out escape as I knew absolutely nothing about Singapore; its ins and outs? Are Singaporeans dog haters who would shoot me on sight or use Egyptian animal control methods and poison me? If escape was in the picture I had watched enough World War Two movies with Bob to realize to escape from a prison you needed to know the lay of the land.

I could play tough guy and be obstinate and snarly but so outnumbered what good would that have done.

I decided to play along. Act dumb like a stupid puppy not knowing its tail from his snout. Bide my time and strike at the right time hoping I was not so deep in the shit there would be no right time.

Being ravenously hungry I enjoyed my strange breakfast of chicken congee and a litre of Evian water.

At 10:00 Madame Fong appeared in the room in a vintage Pierre Cardin suit and an Oleg Cassini scarf smoking a gold tipped Russian cigarette looking like Cruella de Ville.

By her side was Bobby Fong Jr. an enormous man with a stomach the size of three Russian Wolfhounds and bad breath you could smell a kilometre away. He loved his durian fruit!

Madame Fong looked at me and said, “Cuddle Cakes we are going to clean you up and rest you up for a few days. My son Bobby Jr. will be “taking care of you” for the next two days. You need to acclimatize yourself to Singaporean climate and culture so you don’t appear to be a stupid puppy. Then I am taking you on a train trip throughout Malaysia and introduce you to some very important people.”

She then turned to Bobby Jr. and said, “Get your fat ass cracking and if you fuck up you’ll be selling gum in the back alleys of Singapore.”