RKS 2025 Literature: A Physician Unable to Establish a True Relationship

“This silly notion served to help me overcome my emotions and see him for what he was-a man relying on his social status as the sagacious doctor to add effect to his words. It was the insensitivity of the physician telling his patient he is going to die under the mistaken belief that being blunt and to the point is the best way in the end. Or worse, accustomed all his life to doting parents, the approbation of teachers and the sycophancy of patients, he’d assumed his superiority and never learned how to conduct himself in a basic man-to-man relationship.”

Bryce Courtenay, “Brother Fish”, 2004

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned But Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this chapter title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious and designed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though other than it must be as lurid as possible!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I had long forgotten Minah. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some edible Indian food I snuck into the room and the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval to enjoy it with. Given my sweet pea Minah was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die because of my romantic involvement.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this chapter title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious and designed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though other than it must be as lurid as possible!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I had long forgotten Minah. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some edible Indian food I snuck into the room and the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval to enjoy it with. Given my sweet pea Minah was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die because of my romantic involvement.

RKS 2025 Wine: Thorn-Clarke Eden Valley NV Brut Devilishly Good

Admit it. When you think Australian wine with a psychiatrist waving flash cards in your face asking what you see you will most likely say SHIRAZ! You might equally say CHARDONNAY!

Breaking free from psychiatric tyranny why not sample a sparkling wine from Australia? It is a Thorn-Clarke Pinot Noir-Chardonnay from the Eden Valley. Both the Pinot Noir and Chardonnay were night picked and immediately crushed and destemmed and were fermented separately. The grapes were grown in two cool climate sites in the Eden Valley, Milton Park and Mt. Crawford.

Love the plenitude of Don Ho tiny bubbles.

Aroma: Pear, Sweet Tango apple, marzipan, lemon meringue pie, trail mix nuts and freshly baked white bead.

Palate: Rather strange to savour strawberry and red cherry in a white sparkler but oops there it is! Quite unexpectedly charming! Perhaps even weird and delightful. A bit of Rocha pear just so there is a token white grape trace. Tight acidity not ripping off your face perhaps “vibrant” might best describe it.

Food Match: Lobster linguine.

Personality: I think I am devilishly clever as how on earth anyone but the devil could infuse the wine with notes of red fruit.

Cellarbility: Drinking window ends with 2025 New Year’s Eve.

Price: $23CDN $30AUSD.

RKS 2025 Wine Rating: 93/100. Sam Kim wineorbitz.co.nz 93.

(Thorn-Clarke Pinot Noir Chardonnay Eden Valley NV Brut, Thorn-Clarke Wines, Angaston, South Australia, 750 mL, 12.5%).

RKS 2025 Literature: The Mysterious Female Mind

“God may work in mysterious ways, but perhaps not as mysterious as the female mind-unless of course God is a woman, which would explain a lot of things. Men, it seems to me, either obey a law, never questioning it, or they break it with intent. Women see it for what it is-legislation or a set of rules promulgated by men for what they consider the common good, assuming invariably that the common good has only one gender.

“Brother Fish”, Bryce Courtenay, 2004

RKS 2025 Literature: Pissed Australian Men

“Sure, there were drunks among the Aboriginal people, but fair go-my own family testified to the fact these were greatly outnumbered by drunks of my own race. The white male population remained more or less pissed for the first hundred years in Australia. Moreover the second century of white occupation isn’t proving to be a hell of an improvement.”

“Brother Fish”, Bryce Courtenay, 2004

“The Penniless Pensioner” : Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 13: My Espionage Opportunity With The Favourites of Old Monarchist Bags and Naïve Schoolchildren, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police

The Vietnam War ended some 5 years ago but that did not prevent political disturbances from rocking the campus grounds of Montreal’s McGill University. The United Mutations were mobilizing support for mutants of the world. The Marxist Leninists the exploitation of students and workers, Hillel fighting against Palestinian terrorism, the Palestinians griping about the occupation of their land by the Israelis, the faculty demanding increased wages and so forth.

Marxism was a convenient if not a simplistic description of class power but in practice its implementation had been a flop with the top party bosses replacing the old bourgeoisie. This was a fact ignored by the Marxist Leninists at McGill University half of whom I expected were stoolies for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) These spiffy red uniforms and neat hats were loved by elderly grandmothers and naïve school children the same clan that supported the English monarchy. The RCMP could be seen snapping photographs of demonstrators at McGill. Canada’s KGB! The RCMP knew my volunteerism with the United Mutations but figured I was a just a rich boy with a guilty conscience. One day while downing a cappuccino at my favourite joint just below the Four Seasons a rather hefty bald man in a Gestapo vintage leather coat sidled up to me and right off the bat offered me a well-paid position as a stoolie for the RCMP. A bonus was paid for each communist ratted on which was tripled with corresponding treason convictions. Love that free enterprise encouraging productivity. My cooperation would ensure that there would be “no problems” with my student visa. It was explained to me by this fine RCMP representative, Pompy Blackhead, since I was so wealthy I would be more than eager to turn in “revolutionaries who will slit your throat when they seize power”. Not being affiliated with any of these groups made me virginal target for recruitment. Thinking quickly, I volunteered I supported the Untouchable Freedom Movement in India and gave Mr. Blackhead all assurances this group operated within a democratic framework. The coup de grace was informing Blackhead many in India considered the UFM to be a communist organization. He took the bait of doubt and scuttled away.

OK so I have made Wuhan Wet Market Publishing very pleased with espionage and pushing my boundaries they are pressing me to describe salacious matters next either sex or murder or even better if it was both. If I had known this I should have accepted that offer with The National Enquirer!

Hopefully dear reader you will not think me stoolie.

RKS 2024 Wine: Best Red Wines of 2024

Meyer Family Vineyards McLean Creek Road 2022 Okanagan Valley Pinot Noir $37.48 94/100

Stratus 2023 VQA Niagara-on-the-Lake $29  94/100

Spring’s Road 2017 Kangaroo Island Shiraz $23  94/100

Châtau Bordieu 2019 AC Blaye $23  93/100

Ricardo Santos 2021 Tercos Bonarda $17  93/100

Tomassi Pianeti  2021 Valpolicella Classico Supieriore DOC $23  93/100

Meyer Family Vineyards 2022 B Field Okanagan Pinot Noir $31.39   92/100

Domaine Laurent 2022 Gauthier Grand Cru Morgan Beaujolais  92/100

Château Joinin 2020 AC Bordeaux $13.95  92/100

Château Castagnac 2020 AC Fronsac $24  92/100

Monemvasios Tsimbidi Dry Red Wine PGI Lakonia $24  92/100

Perez Cruz 2021 Piedro Seca Cabernet Sauvignon $23  92/100

Riverview Estate Winery 2021 Baco-Foch $20  92/100

La Bella Sedara 2021 Sicilia DOC $22  92/100

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 12: My Moment of Fame Thanks to Food Poisoning! Me the Bombay Blaster aka Bombay Bastard!

Fame can strike when least expected. I was invited to the United Mutations box at the Montreal Forum to watch a special hockey match between the Montreal Canadians and the Indian National Hockey Team all the Indian team being dual Canadian citizens save for the goalie an “Untouchable” who was also a star cricket player in Delhi. The United Mutations were extensively involved with Untouchable Rights in India and as you may recall I volunteered with the United Mutations in Montreal.

We noticed many of the Indian players vomiting all over the ice during warmups. The team had eaten their pregame all you can eat late lunch at Tandoori Palace on Laurentian Boulevard near their ultra cheap hotel The Motel St. Pierre. The curried eggplant was the common denominator amongst the stricken. The team was short 7 players. Since most of our intramural McGill Hockey team, The Punjabi Pundits, had been invited to the United Mutations box we sprung into action and volunteered our services. The Indian team had huge revenue expectations from the match as it was being broadcasted nationally in India and Canada. It required that revenue to fund hockey development in India. We couldn’t let all those child Wayne Gretzky’s in India down So while the Zamboni was cleaning the ice of all the vomit we suited up as best we could with what equipment we could find in the dressing room.

You can only imagine the massacre that awaited us! The Indian national team and its substitutes from the Punjabi Pundits was defeated 24-3. Yes a defeat but I scored a hattrick against perhaps the best goalie in the world Ken Dryden who by the way was at McGill Law School and had seen the Punjabi Pundits play a match. As a hockey player I was full of knobbly knees but laser fast zig zagging erratically so much so the Montreal Canadians team was baffled. Ken Dryden said he was disoriented by my bizarre movements and fooled by the weakness of my wrist shot which he equated with the treacherous knuckle ball in baseball. I was also injured by a Chris Chelios frustration slash to the face necessitating 15 stitches. My blood spilled on the ice causing a riot in Bombay with the Canadian consulate being riddled with bags of urine.

My performance was a point of Indian national pride to the extent I was awarded the Nehru Prize for Valor! We had a fantastic meal afterwards with the Montreal Canadians at Ruby Foos on Decarie Boulevard. Mr. Dryden presented me with my hattrick puck and gave me a big hug. What a classy guy! The Canadians also supplied The Punjabi Pundits with the best hockey equipment and a $20,000 cash grant for our expenses. We might need this as some 42 hockey teams invited us to play in tournaments. Throughout the sports world I was referred to as the Bombay Blaster and to those who hated Indians it was the Bombay Bastard. I also received a coaching offer from the Kashmiri Crunchers of the Opiate Minor Hockey League. And yes RKS Films in Bombay was planning a movie on the Punjabi Pundits “Indian Conquerors of the World”.