“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” : The Final Cut: Reggie Goes to the Land Beyond and Meets Allah: Chapter Seventy Seven (77)

Shortly after returning from our restaurant openings in North Korea I began feeling strange. Suddenly I lost my sense of taste and smell. My beloved chicken kibble stated to taste like sawdust. My cool clean Canadian water tasted metallic. When out for a walk I had difficulty in smelling where to leave my pee mail. I started feeling totally exhausted. One night before bed I felt I was burning up. As I lay in my favourite Winnipeg Blue Bombers doggie bed I heard a gurgling. Where was that strange noise coming from? My chest! I told Dylan the Westie to keep an eye on me. From this point on things are foggy and confused.

Over my bed I saw a pale light filtering in as daylight greeted the kitchen but Dylan the Westie was barking furiously. What is the matter with him? I remember seeing Bob run into the kitchen to see what the commotion was. I was having difficulty breathing and my chest hurt. All I could see was a blur. I remember Bob saying, “Holy Moses. Reggie is having difficulty breathing! We have to get him to the Vet!” Although my taste and smell may have dissipated, I could detect fear in his voice. A blood chilling fear. I was bundled up and sat with Dylan the Westie and Fay in the car on the way on the animal hospital but I really only remember having difficulty breathing. And then it stopped. Bob sprung into action and in the middle of Mount Pleasant Boulevard in subzero temperatures in his pajamas grabbed my hind legs and began shaking me upside down until I started sputtering and breathing.

Bob drove like a bat out of hell going through red lights and we arrived in 15 minutes at the animal hospital. Dr. Murray took one look at me and shouted, “Oxygen NOW!!!!” I heard Bob and Fay crying and Dylan the Westie whining. I was taken to a room in the back and many wires were attached to me. Dr. Murray was saying, “We are losing Reggie. Quick get some adrenalin.”

 “Flatlined” meant I was dying. I was so frightened. Then a bright white tunnel and my pain and suffering disappeared and I saw Anwar my late master! I must be in The Land Beyond. Kamil and Poofy the Poodle my deceased doggie friends were there with Anwar. I was so happy to be reunited! Anwar spoke to me sternly and said that it was not my time to go and stay with him in The Land Beyond as I had many things left to accomplish. I heard him praying to Allah begging him to make me return to the animal hospital and that is where I remember waking up for a moment to hear Dr. Murray say. “Reggie is back!”. Bob and Fay were jumping up and down with great joy.

Eventually I woke up in the animal hospital a few days later. Dr. Murray said that it was not COVID but a weird parasite that I might have picked up in North Korea. He sent blood samples to a special veterinarian institute in Lisbon and they confirmed it was the DMZ parasite found in some horsemeat bulgogi!

10 days later pumped with Portuguese anti-biotics I returned home. There were many cards, flowers and dog treats. I had gifts and well wishes from Kim Jong-Un, the King and Queen of Sweden, the big guy Iranian Ayatollah, Nicole Kidman, Snookie’s Rescue Society, President Joe Biden and the First Lady Jill Biden, the President of the Canadian Football League, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot, Mr. Keith Urban, Prime Minister Trudeau of Canada, Drake, Russell Crowe, The Pope, Rick Mercer and many others. CBC National News did a 10-minute story about me and David Suzuki from the CBC show “Nature of Things” wanted to produce an hour special about me. Dearest to my heart were get well wishes from children all over the world.

In the meantime, Dr. Murray ordered two weeks of bed rest. Why did I not stay with Anwar? What more do I have to accomplish on Earth? I am not sure but like in Cairo after being bitten by that Rottenweiler I feel like I have more than one life. Why didn’t I die? What does Allah have planned for me? We can answer those questions later but for now REGGIE IS HAPPY TO BE BACK!

RKS Literature: The Kiss of Death (Yukio Mishima)

“For Ryuji the kiss was death, the very death in love he always dreamed of. The softness of her lips, her mouth so crimson in the darkness he could see it with closed eyes, so infinitely moist, a tepid coral sea, her restless tongue quivering like seagrass….in the dark rapture of all this was something directly linked to death. He was perfectly aware that he would be leaving her in a day, yet he was ready to die happily for her sake. Death roused inside him, stirred.”

(Yukio Mishima, “The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea”, 1963.

RKS Poetry (Your Former Medical Dread)

Your Former Medical Dread

You recall when you sighed
with a tremble of terror
that oh no not again to the dentist
fluoridated smell
high pitched whines
cold steel slowly penetrating the gums

OH STOP IT YOU SADIST!

What I meant to say a dental visit Trumps
a urologist visit
where they seek classified documents in the most secret places

Robert K. Stephen

RKS 2024 Wine: Kacaba 2019 Cabernet Franc: Shivering in Anticipation for the Bronze Baby!

Golly gee on a bottle of Kacaba 2019 Cabernet Franc I see a sticker at the top of the front label indicating the wine has won a bronze medal in Wine Align National Wine Awards (2022) of Canada! I am assured of excellence with this impressive sticker which most likely had to be paid for to be affixed to the bottle. So what if there is an entry fee for each wine etc. Wine awards are business and not a charity. Pay to play i.e. entrance fees? I recall years ago discussing these “wine awards” with a producer in Ontario’s Lake Erie North Shore saying they didn’t want to waste their money participating in these wine award “competitions”. In some of these “competitions” one can be assured of walking away with some medal which entitles you to pay a fee to purchase “medal winning stickers” for placement on your bottles to snag the eyes of hurried consumers (hopefully) having no idea about the profit-making nature of some wine awards. The Midas principle.

Bear in mind multiple wines can win medals in the same medal category if they are within a score range.

So what can this Bronze Baby offer?

Aroma: Typical of a Niagara Cabernet Franc or perhaps even an Ontario one with black cherry, black raspberry, chocolate covered cherries and milk chocolate. Smidge of cranberry. Promises a lighter and more nuanced red wine.

Palate: Light-footed with no cavalry charging at you. Raspberry, Ginja d’o Óbidos and somewhat of a short juicy black cherry finish. Tannins are (unlike Joe B.) about ready to retire in Clearwater, Florida. Acids shoved in the cheap seats where they sit silently unlike Republicans at SOTU!

Personality: Consider me a welcome break from so much “heavier” red wine on the market.

Food Match: If like your Tomahawk Steak rare and feel like a beast when consuming it this is not your wine. But where it would excel is with Bachalau at least with the dozen or so I have tried in the Douro. There are at least 350 more recipes I haven’t tried.

Cellarbility: Nada. Drink by August 12, 2025 at 17:32. No. I am not one of those, “Do as I say” type of writers.

Price: $33.15 CDN (Ontario).

Comments from the peanut gallery: Just a bit more fruit on the finish and we would be drinking GOLD MEDAL WINE! But wait the wine may have won quadruple platinum medals elsewhere Details to follow.

RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 89/100. Rick VanSickle 92.

(Kacaba 2019 Cabernet Franc, VQA Niagara Escarpment, Kacaba Vineyards, Vineland, Ontario, 750 mL, 13%).

RKS Literature: The Concept of Ideal Love (Yukio Mishima)

“Nor had he mentioned his concept of ideal love: a man encounters the perfect woman only once in a lifetime and in every case death interposes-an unseen Pandarus-and lures them into the preordained embrace. This fantasy was probably a product of the hyperbole of popular songs. But over the years it had taken on substance in some recess of his mind and merged there with other things: the shrieking of a tidal wave, the ineluctable force of high tide, the avalanching break of surf upon a shoal…”

Yukio Mishima, “The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea”, 1963

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog”: The Final Cut: The Lights Dim and We Are Live at the Academy Awards! Riot Police Called as Larry David Attacked by Penny and Bosco: Reggie Becomes a Swiftie: Chapter Seventy Six (76)

We hold our breath as the nominees for best song are announced. And the winner is…….Gordon Lightfoot for “Paco A Girl’s Best Friend”! Mr. Gordon Lightfoot grabs Bosco and me under his arms and carries us on the stage. He has 90 seconds to speak to the world. “I would like to thank the Academy. I would not be here without the inspiration that Reggie has given me. A street dog from Cairo who has conquered the hearts of millions. “Paco a Girl’s Best Friend” is my biggest hit ever. I’m finally big in Japan! Reggie I love you!” He then hoists me up over his head and then Bosco to thunderous applause.

Then it is the best special effects award. And the winner is Martin Malivoire for “A Dog Saved My Life”! Canada is cleaning up! That special effects fight between me and the saltwater crocodile was a masterpiece wrote Variety Magazine. Malivoire speaks, “None of this would have been possible without the love of my life Moira! Working with Nicole Kidman was like no other experience I have ever had. Frankly speaking before I met Nicole I thought her a beautiful woman. She remains a beautiful woman, second only to Moira of course but there is so much talent and devotion to film Nicole has. It is infectious. To all my friends in Beamsville WE DID IT!” Boy that Moira is jumping up and down! We Canadians can be frisky!

To the surprise of all just prior to the best actor in a lead role being announced the CEO of the Academy walks onto the stage announcing the Academy has withdrawn Dylan the Westie and Reggie as nominees for best actor and supporting actor. The CEO said board met this morning and made this difficult decision as there is no way we can call dogs actors said Mr. Big Wig. Instead a “special canine recognition award” will be given to Reggie for best animal in a lead role and to Dylan the Westie for best supporting canine. A crescendo of boos ripples throughout and is heard by millions.

Bob stands up and the world hears him shouting this decision is a sham! DETRIMENTAL RELIANCE he shouts repeatedly. Penny and Bosco run down the aisle and lunge at the ankles of the CEO of the Academy chasing him off stage. Mr. Gordon Lightfoot shouts, “OUTRAGE”. Russell Crowe pumps his fist shouting, “It is all because you hate Canadians! SHAME ON THE ACADEMY!”

How could such a sweetie pie like Penny be charged with assault?

Could matters deteriorate further? Larry David takes the stage saying, “This is no place for mangy, talentless and flea-bitten dogs like Dylan the Westie and Reggie the Muslim traitor dog one minute cuddling with the Ayatollah the next being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Reggie is the biggest con and he should have died on the streets of Cairo.”

My goodness Bob bellows out a stream of obscenities including, “Larry David, you filthy bustard. I am coming to teach you slanderer a lesson.” LD responds by saying Bob couldn’t write a traffic ticket. Bob rushes the stage but is restrained feet away from Larry David by security guards. Larry David roars in laughter and sticks a literal knife in Nicole Kidman’s back saying dogs were a stupid subject for “A Dog Saved My Life” and then calls the Hamilton Tiger Cats a bunch of losers.

A National Enquirer photo of Bob just prior to being pulled back after an attempted attack on Larry David

That was too much for the audience and they started pelting Larry David with food and chasing him off the stage. We hear the Los Angeles riot squad has been summoned and that Larry David is in protective custody.

The auditorium is a disaster zone. After an hour cleaning delay the broadcast resumes but not before a live feed of the Tiger Cat’s fans exploding in anger in Hamilton at Tim Horton’s Field and burning blowups of Larry David in effigy.

Mr. Gordon Lightfoot sings “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” to calm down the crowd and reinstate some respectability.

And the winner for Best Actress is Nicole Kidman for “A Dog Saved My Life. The crowd erupts but there is a stir. Why is Nicole walking away from the stage? What is the matter? Nicole has come to get us and she puts a double leash and takes Dylan the Westie and I to the stage. We sit at her feet. Nicole speaks, “I have had a close working relationship with Reggie and his pal Dylan the Westie. At Reggie’s screen test I knew this was the dog for the film. Obedient and he acted like he understood the human language and knowing him I think he understands us humans sometimes better than we know ourselves. Reggie and Dylan you have done yourselves proud. A very special thanks to my husband and two children here tonight for being without me as we filmed for 4 months in Darwin. Mr. David should you ever set foot in Darwin I fear for your safety.”

Nicole Kidman advises Larry David never to set foot in Darwin, Australia

The crowd is up on its feet chanting “REGGIE. DYLAN. NICOLE.”

Dylan the Westie and I are called up for our “animal awards”. Fay shouts out that we are not accepting a secondary award and that the award statuettes can go swim with the fishes. A gigantic swell of approval can be heard.

Then the last award is Best Picture “A Dog Saved My Life”. Nicole brings me, Dylan the Westie, Mr. Urban, Martin Malivoire and his wife Moira Saganski, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot, Fay and Bob on stage and we form a circle and jump around in pure joy as in this moment we are just happy children. Who would have believed this was possible given that bloody Saltie attack on the beaches of Darwin as we were filming the movie. Nicole says to the television audience simply a very big thank you including a notional hug to Poofy the Poodle who gave his life protecting cast members from the Saltie.

Nicole Kidman pays tribute to Poofy the Poodle who gave his life protecting the cast of “A Dog Saved My Life” from a Saltie

It is up in the air who the best actor and supporting actor are.

What a party afterwards! Dylan the Westie and I feel like movie stars. No wait. WE ARE MOVIE STARS! We meet so many famous people. Taylor Swift comes and gives a big hg to me and Dylan the Westie. I felt like fainting! I am now a SWIFTIE!  That Kelce guy is a lucky man! Robert de Niro wants to have us visit him in New York. Countless offers are made for film projects and Bob collected some 65 business cards. It is all a blur. Then the room goes silent and an announcement is made to watch the screens in the room. God bless his soul it is our friend Joe Biden who congratulates everyone in the room and gives a special shout out to “my good friends” Dylan and Reggie. This stuns most of the people in the room not knowing that two dogs are good friends of the American President. He explains Larry David is a secret operative of the MAGA gang this being the reason he verbally abused Reggie and Dylan the Westie. Joe will determine if he has the power to impeach Larry David.

One hug from Taylor and Reggie is a Swiftie!

At two in the morning the limo comes to take us back to Malibu. Dylan the Westie and I are so exhausted when we get back home Bob and Fay had to carry two sleeping dogs back to their doggie beds with a presidential seal on them.

We have a farewell breakfast and drive off to Palm Springs for a few days rest. Before we leave Bob and Fay invite Nicole and her family to our Toronto home for Canadian Thanksgiving. Joe and Jill Biden have also been invited. This may work! With Kim Jong-Un what a party this will be

RKS 2024 Film: “One Life”: Shuffles Along but Finishes with a Sprint

“One Life” is the story of dedicated volunteers in 1938 Prague attempting to whisk children (mostly Jewish) to safety in Britain by train with Nicholas “Nicky” Winton pressuring the British bureaucracy to issue exit visas to the children. Of course, being bureaucrats, they insisted 50 £ be posted as return money to return the children to their parents after the war ended. Winton also had to line up foster parents for the children.

Sudetenland was part of Czechoslovakia and neighboured Germany. Hoping to avoid war with Hitler it was ceded to Germany in 1938 which was an ominous omen for many Jews who had escaped, Austria and Germany to the “safety” of Czechoslovakia. The German invasion of Poland and occupation of Prague shut the door on further “rescues” of children from Prague.

Fearing the anticipated German occupation of Prague Winton managed to arrange for the evacuation of 669 children to the waiting arms of British foster parents. The young Nicky Winton (Johnny Flynn) worked tirelessly with Czech volunteers. The older Nicky (Anthony Hopkins) never wishes any praise for his work but in a poignant and emotional moment realizes what a tremendous task he has accomplished which is the most forceful scene in the film. This late self realization then mushrooms to national prominence through segments on a rather flitty and vacuous BBC television show “That’s Life”.

The film sputters initially like Hopkins shuffling about in a distracted fashion. It is the young Nicky that brings the film to life with some impressive period costuming. Lena Olin as the older Nicky’s wife seems ill cast and ill attired. Helena Bonham Carter as Nicky’s wife fails to impress. Hopkins is excellent as usual but as for script is given little to work with. If I see him readjusting his glasses one more time I will scream. It is Johnny Flynn’s film!

Director James Hawes.

Canadian theatrical release 14March2024.

RKS 2024 Film Rating 83/100.

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog”: The Final Cut: On the Red Carpet: Larry David Smells Hostile: Bad News for Reggie and Dylan the Westie about Their Awards: Chapter Seventy Five (75)

Our limousines pull up in front of the Chinese Theatre. Cameras are wildly clicking. The paparazzi are busy this afternoon. Nicole and Mr. Urban are the honey and the press the flies. But as soon as we pull up behind Nicole and Mr. Urban we wait 60 seconds so as not to dull our buzz when we hop out of the limo. And when they see Reggie and Dylan the Westie there is a mad rush. You can imagine dogs on the red carpet are not common. Bob and Fay are ignored with a few reporters thinking they are dog handlers! The cameras move in and various network reps are shouting out questions. They need their questions answered about the Hamilton Tiger Cats jersey both Dylan the Westie and I are wearing. My Presidential Medal of Freedom is causing a stir. A scantily clad redhaired beauty escorts us to the photo board. Dylan the Westie and I ham it up with different poses. Nicole Kidman is getting the most attention and she deserves it. Go Nicole Go!

Then Moira Saganski and Martin Malivoire pull up with our pal Penny and there is a rush towards them but special effects guys are not juicy print so the rush focuses on the next limo arriving. So he has a few reporters approach him but of lesser import than the rest of Team Reggie. I see two reporters from Movie Tekkie Monthly and Popular Mechanics grilling the poor man about obscure SFX “technical stuff”. Eugene Levy senses his distress and pulls Martin to safety!

Martin Malivoire (pictured here) chats up a storm with Eugene Levy

Mr. Gordon Lightfoot is next arriving in a vintage East German Trabant causing a sensation. It is the cheapest car here! What a sense of humour that man has. What are Mr. Gordon Lightfoot and Taylor Swift discussing. It looks important.

Can you imagine the stir when Mr. Gordon Lightfoot caused arriving in a vintage Trabant the worst car ever made

Russell Crowe follows.

Team Reggie is all here!

Martin Malivoire is no stranger to award shows but the calmness is rapidly dissipating. The man has a bad case of the jitters. Adding to the pressure he says Hamilton’s Tim Horton Field, home of the Hamilton Tiger Cats, has 17,000 people watching the Academy Awards. They are so proud of me and Dylan the Westie wearing our Tiger Cats jersey and that Malivoire from Beamsville is in the hunt for an award as after all Beamsville borders on Hamilton. There are two live bands and a massive tailgate party. While Martin Malivoire is chatting with us Eugene Levy sidles up and starts resuming his talk with Malivoire about special effects and the film “Ghostbusters”. Martin Malivoire is delighted and they start talking about a new Eugene Levy film requiring special effects. Moira Saganski has her eyes laser focused on Caroline Katz a star of some Brit television show “Doc Martin”. Dazzled by Saganski’s Dior’s flowing emerald gown they are now best friends. How funny ladies can be! Haute couture and instant friendship!

Dylan the Westie and I meet many of the celebrities. Many have a far away and vacant look in their faces and have little of interest to say. Speaking of “looks” why is the host Larry David avoiding me. I thought we were buddies after meeting at my ABC screen test in New York but he has a hostile smell emanating from him and you know how accurate a dog’s sense of smell is. He is giving me the “Larry David squint and stare”. I have sinking feeling in my stomach telling me matters are not “pretty, pretty good”.

Bob takes us for a walk just before the televised event begins and we are surrounded by eager fans outside the venue wishing us the best.

Before entering the awards venue, a very red-faced delegation from the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences pulls Bob, Dylan the Westie and myself aside. We were told of some horrible news. Why is Larry David now smiling at us? It is a mocking smile.

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog”: The Final Cut: Red Carpet at Academy Awards! Here We Come! Who is Wearing What? Chapter Seventy Four (74)

We have a quiet breakfast in our Malibu beach house prepared by Nicole’s housekeeper followed by a walk on the beach and poor Bob gets a sunburn so his face looks like a cherry!

Bob looks like Charles Aznavour with his mug burnt to a crisp. Bob is Mr. Lobster for a few hours then a rugged tan sets in. He is wearing his vintage 1964 Oleg Cassini tuxedo and lizard boots Mr. Urban has provided him with. Glasses by Fresco’s in Toronto.

Fay has selected a classic Yves St. Laurent gown designed and worn by Jane Fonda when she was 23 at Yves’ studio and later donated to the YSL museum in Paris and subsequently loaned to Fay although it had to be let out “just a bit”. Fay has been in “make-up” for close to two hours. I recognize her scent but her face? Is this the Fay I see in the morning in a bathrobe clutching a Westie themed mug full of steaming coffee. Her shoes and purse are Mr. Mavros from Athens. Jewelry by Bulgari.

Dylan the Westie and I are wearing our Hamilton Tiger Cats football team jerseys. Nicole’s housekeeper had worked so hard to remove the grass stains. Dylan has a diamond studded collar from Coach and Tiffany’s in New York. I am wearing a collar designed by Aboriginal Handicrafters in Darwin, Australia. There are over $350,967 AUD of inlaid tourmaline and opals all mined in the Northern Territories.

Moira Saganski, investment fund and venture capitalist , the most gracious wife of Martin Malivoire, is wearing a classic Chanel emerald coloured long billowing skirt and a wrap to match accompanied by a black velvet bustier with diamond studs matching a three diamond ring designed by the multi-talented Martin Malivoire himself and then created by an anonymous famous jeweler (on probation)  in Niagara-on-the-Lake located somewhere near the Niagara-on-the-Lake Golf and Country Club home of the most expensive truffle burger in Canada. Her watch is inlaid in a Cartier gold bracelet surrounded by diamonds. Yes the emerald themed gown matches her Irish skin and hair. Is this the Moira that lugs around cases of Moira Rosé at Malivoire Winery in construction boots and a Johnny Rotten T-Shirt?

With such a dazzling fashion sense can Martin Malivoire match such a stunningly attired wife? Definitely not but he tries with a vintage Issi Miyake tuxedo and beautiful handcrafted Italian shoes from Barolo’s famous shoemaking shop in Cerrato, Piedmont. I hear Moira mumbling, “No way my man is ever wearing those damn shiny patent leather jobs.”

And Penny, Moira and Martin’s oodle and a damn fine and brave Oodlecopter pilot with her beautiful coat of fur which no designer outfit could ever compliment is wearing a simple leather collar studded with Northwest Territory diamonds. It is designed by the exclusive Chien Boutique in Stoney Creek.

Nicole looks smashing with so many designers to be mentioned it is better not to! Mr. Urban wears a Mod Top Rockers Brighton Beach Beatle’s suit and vintage Frye boots. We hop into the limo and arrive at the Red Carpet which is jammed full of movie stars, models and celebrities.

I am in a dream but so deep in it I must say “Red Carpet” is a misnomer as the carpet is Champagne coloured. But all ignore that stupid gaffe and still refer to the carpet as red.

RKS Literature: Of What Use Are Children’s Playthings (Vonnegut)

“As anyone who has experimented extensively with life in the home and community, using real people in true-life situations, I doubt that any playthings could prepare a child for one millionth of what is going to hit him in the teeth, ready or not.”

Kurt Vonnegut Jr., “Mother Night”, 1961