“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 95 More Fallout from The Slaughter on Parc

Droolpoop, the mayor of Montreal was ulcerating away. Thank goodness this little mess on Avenue du Parc happened after the closing of Expo 67. If only the citizens of Montreal would simply forget about politics and give him their support for his bread and circus projects. Was it really necessary to construct a sewage plant to prevent raw sewage from the city to spew into the St Lawrence River? How boring! Now if he could only divert the Lachine Rapids and create an aquarium in its place! Such projects would have to wait until after the upcoming municipal elections. That little tainted horsemeat issue he was allegedly involved with would hopefully blow over. Numerous opposition parties were sprouting up with a common theme of his corruption and lavish spending..symbiotic issues. In his mind all of them were filthy Marxists. These opposition parties wanted mundane demands such a sewage plants, stricter zoning laws that were routinely bypassed by municipal authorities, free vitamins, free birth control and financial accountability over municipal spending. What did these fools know about politics and creating a supremely glorious international Montreal? His “friends” many of which were waiting in Palermo until the tainted horsemeat issue was silenced by Droolpoop were becoming anxious about the electoral chances of Droolpoop and their fair share of municipal contracts. Adding insult to injury was that the man who had wiped out his restaurant, Eno Ergot, was a big financial supporter of these opposition parties. Ergot’s waiters had formed a rock band “The Crewcumbers” who gave benefit concerts for the opposition parties. They had just recorded a record at the Edgewater Tavern in Vieux Point Claire and all proceeds were directed to these opposition parties. Matters were not looking bright.

Montenez was very upset with the Parc Avenue Slaughter. Although an alien he had lived amongst the Greek Gods for centuries and of course had a strong feeling for their culture. Although a Zortixian by birth his heart was Greek. And to see them victimized here in Montreal brought back memories of the Turkish massacre of Greeks in Smyrna. In his writings and public appearances he had warned of the age old tactics of using immigrants and” foreigners” as scapegoats. Zeus was notified of the attacks on Greeks and hastened from the dimension of Zlano to Montreal. Montenez and Zeus agreed it would be wiser for Zeus and his small band of Greek Gods to remain in the background for their overt assistance could bring claims of foreign hostility in Quebec affairs, something the MSQ direly required to boost its cause. Hercules was at the ready should physical violence be required.

Zeus decided to leave with more pressing Turkish aggression developing against the Greeks in Cyprus. Before leaving he said to Montenez, “I’ve told you many times my son many times before that this Earthling world tires me and that is why we departed and left for the Zlano dimension. Humankind never matured in a logical manner yet I haven’t forgotten it and when I see Greeks being shoved around I get angry and an angry Zeus is a formidable force. Let no one make the Greeks a sacrificial lamb unless they wish the wrath of the Greek Gods!”

Yet another surprise greeted Montenez as his friend Frizzy the Smicket Boy from the Zortixian Defence Academy arrived. What a joyous moment to see such good friends embracing each other.

Blushing Frizzy told Montenez why he had made this visit. “Well everything was going my way in Zortixia as I had been promoted to the position of the Minister of the Interior and there was even speculation I would be the successor to the leader of Zortixia, premayor Algno. Even the party was supporting me but there was this political reception a few days ago and I had a few too many drinks. Algno’s wife, such a beautiful creature, gave me the eye and she became a bit friendly, perhaps a bit too friendly. We slipped out to my house and made wonderful snookie. You know she is a frisky thing perhaps too much so for the ageing Algno. Well she passed out for a few seconds and when coming to she regretted her indiscretion and threatened to tell Algno how I raped her. She ordered me to leave Zortixia or she’d spill the beans until she recovered her “dignity and composure”. Valuing my political career I made a little tale that I had the chance to capture Jiber in Montreal and the government went for the bait so here I am. And perhaps fortuitously considering what I know of the turmoil here in Montreal which I think Jiber must be behind. That is what my intelligence squad has told me. I know Squid is involved in this struggle. Just tell me how I can help.

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” :Reggie Goes to Hollywood!

I know that Bob is a writer just like Anwar my late master was. Little did I know he was writing a book about me Reggie! Who would be interested in a book about a cur like me? Bob thinks it is a children’s book. Fay laughs saying it is yet a nowhere and nothing endeavour by Bob who has written three novels all published in serialized format without any commercial success but despite the constant lack of support and criticism of Fay he keeps writing for his own “creative satisfaction”. Well out of the blue someone at Disney has read about me in one of Bob’s posts about the Egyptian rescue dog. They would like him to come to California to discuss some projects with him about me! They would also like to have me do some screen tests for a possible movie or television series. The television network ABC would also like to meet with him about a possible television series featuring me. Not only that a large American publisher in New York wants to speak to Bob about publishing his book about me.

Something important must be happening at Disney as they send a private jet to pick Bob and I up to fly to Los Angeles. Fay stays at home eating Humble Pie and to take care of Dillie. This is so exciting!

A big black limousine arrives to take us to the private air terminal at Pearson Airport in Toronto. The plane is waiting for us and inside this small aircraft is an executive from Disney called Mr. Fixer and a flight attendant along with a pilot and a co-pilot. There is a big bed with a seatbelt for me with a bowl of Evian water and a big dinner of chopped steak, rice and green beans. My I gobbled that up quickly! The last time I was in an airplane I was in cargo but this time I am more than cargo. I could be a Hollywood star.

The plane takes off and Bob and Mr. Fixer have some champagne and talk about an animated or real live production. They have a wonderful smelling dinner they call Beef Wellington and a pistachio cream cake from one of Los Angeles’ top bakeries where all the movie stars buy their desserts. Mr. Fixer says the pistachio cream cake is Snoop Dog’s favourite? I will admit I never heard of that breed of dog?

We land in Los Angeles and another back limousine comes and picks us up and takes us to The Beverly Hills Luxe hotel. There is a bed for me, a bowl for water and some cans of wet food from Le Pooch an exclusive pet store in Beverly Hills. There are even some squeaky toys. I feel there is something special in the air. Mr. Fixer said he would pick us up at 11 a.m. to meet some studio executives. Both Bob and I have a toss and turn type of night. Breakfast comes at 9:30. Bob enjoys his croissants and jasmine tea. I have a special breakfast of fingered toast and scrambled eggs.

The limousine or “limo” as they call it arrives right on time with Mr. Fixer. He looks very nervous. He has learnt about the call Bob received from ABC and the New York publisher and starts a conversation with Bob about exclusivity whatever that means.

We meet Disney executives in a large boardroom. They all stare at me and photos are taken of me. Having a very good command of English I understand the gist of what the Disney executives are proposing. They are thinking of an animated children’s movie called “Reggie The Rescue Dog” and a spin-off television series of the same name. Imagine me in a Disney movie just like “Lady and the Tramp”. Bob’s character in the television series will be played by Ryan Gosling and Fay’s by Jennifer Aniston. Bob will be a co-producer and co screenplay writer. If it is an animated production it is the same deal for Bob. The Disney executives do not want to talk about money but say it is a guaranteed multi-million dollar deal plus 3% of the global gross whatever these terms mean.

I go to make-up with Bob and get a bath and fluff up and take my screen test and I understand exactly what the Disney people are telling me because my English is so strong. One of them remarks that this dog is so darn smart we won’t need an animal trainer. I just have on walk on a leash, growl and look friendly. This is easy!

We head back to the boardroom and a dinner is brought in. Bob has to excuse himself to take me for a walk outside the offices. Darn it we don’t have poop bags! I leave a little Canadian souvenir near the hedges outside the building. Bob has a big laugh.

We have a dinner of seafood from one of LA’s best seafood restaurants. Bob has asked for chicken kibble as he does not want me to get gout from all the rich food I have been eating. As far as I can understand it the screen test is successful and the Disney executives propose an animated feature and a television series but need to prepare the contracts. The money will be set forth in these contracts. Disney wants Bob to sign an exclusivity agreement and Bob says he needs time to review it and retain an agent. Bob has been a smart lawyer for 30 years before he retired but entertainment law is new to him.

Disney asks us to stay around for 3 days and gives us the use of a limousine and $5,000 in cash. Our first “day-off” is spent in finding an agent and Bob’s movie contacts in Philadelphia whom he has reviewed movies for in the past recommends Harvey Pilkington as an agent. Pilkington handles some of the biggest names in Hollywood and as we enter his office we meet someone Bob loves called Larry David! I think he is a big television star. Pilkington sems to know his stuff and Bob gets along with this easy-going man as he is also a lawyer. He says flatly to Bob that he is a gold mine and do not sign an exclusivity contract until “they sweeten the pot”.

On the second day it is off to Santa Monica and the third day off to Santa Barbara where we walk on a big beach and I get salt water and sand all over me as I run in and out of the waves. Bob does not want to leave me alone in the evening so he picks up some Thai food one night and some incredible Mexican street food the next night. I don’t like Los Angeles as much as Toronto as there is too much cement and too little green space. I miss Dillie and Fay. I miss our long walks.

On our last day it is back to meet the Disney executives whose legal team has produced a contract which they give to Bob but they also give an oral outline. There will be an animated movie produced by Disney with global distribution. Bob will be co-producer and co-screenplay writer. There will be a $14,000,000 up front payment. Bob will receive 3% cut of net revenues and 5% of net themed merchandise sales. For the television series Bob receives $8,000,000 up front cash. Bob is asked to sign an exclusivity agreement with Disney meaning he only gets paid if he lets Disney run with the Reggie character and no other media company can be involved with “Reggie”. Bob refuses to sign at this point as he has not yet had talks with the book publisher and ABC. The Disney executives look in disbelief at Bob and say, “No deal”. Bob, a very skilled lawyer, knows this game well and says, “Thank you gentleman and ladies.” We walk out of the boardroom. I remember seeing open mouths and with my super hearing I hear a few voices say they can’t lose this deal as the “Muslim angle” would have taken them to the stratosphere.

We have a nice flight back first-class on-Air Canada and as Disney had provided Bob with false service dog papers, I sit beside Bob instead in a mesh bag under the seat. I have seen another part of the world remembering I thought I would live and die a short life in Cairo.

RKS Wine: Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: A Very Special Dessert Brought to the Guests from The Douro in Portugal!

After the oysters the guests are to retire to listen to an hour concert put on by the Toronto Medieval Consort with wine glasses a fill. For those who have not nodded off a grand dessert awaits that I personally advised Celine Serpent would be unique and rarely ever tried in Canada.

I have used my contacts in Portugal’s Douro Valley to bring in the “kitchen ladies” that are local ladies who cook traditional Portuguese foods for both guests and field workers who eat the same as us guests eat. This food is in a league equal to Michelin starred restaurants. Years ago at a media tour on a hazy and cool November afternoon deep in the Douro after a Port tasting at a well known Port producer I met a couple of these ladies beaming with pride making us a very special and time consuming dessert of crepes in Port Wine Sauce a delicacy unique to the Douro. This very special dessert is called ,. It is best served with a Vintage Port but as that starts at least $90 a bottle PP stomps his foot and says, “Absolutely Not”. Serpent will send her private jet to pick up two of these kitchen ladies to prepare the dessert and they will arrive to the delight of the guests and if they do not obtain a standing ovation I’ll be surprised.

Almost embarrassed at the penny-pinching PP I have selected a cheapo Tawny Port but cheap in price Port in no way demeans its quality! It’s more a question of suitability. This Portuguese dessert is a rarity and can it suit a Tawny? There has been so much wine consumed I hold my breath and think back to PP’s comments about the lushes PP has noticed in Serpent’s friends. Their tastebuds will be so slammed a Vintage Port on them might be a criminal waste!

We select an Offley Tawny Port. On the nose it immediately suggests compatibility with this rich Portuguese dessert. Deep aromas of Quebec raisin pie, blackberry, cassis and damn it the very backbone essence of all Ports which is more instinctual than descriptive ! On the palate a nice burn with enough acidity to meld with the crepes. Perhaps a Vintage Port would be too much power up against the power of the Port Wine sauce in the pancakes. The palate is rich but not enough to dominate the crepes. It is full of plums, blueberries, spice, Christmas cake and a nice burn to complete the feast.

This has been a tiring contract trying to balance my professionalism with the cheapness of PP. But I have done my best and look forward to the wedding hoping that PP can finally access his Panamanian bank accounts and my budget increase to match the blissful marriage of Celine and PP!

(Offley Tawny Porto, Sogrape, Villa Nova Gaia, Portugal, $15.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 18454, 750 mL, 19.5%, Robert K. Stephen Set the Bar Rating 91/100).

This has been a tiring process but a good learning experience. Picking out wines that compliment classic food pairings or that match at least in theory but not pedigree. Do I have to go bargain hunting for the wedding wines or will PP’s gold bars and Panamanian bank accounts be forever frozen?

“Pray Away”: What Would Have Jesus Thought?

If you want an answer about the religious legitimacy of conversion therapy in the American Christian right you might get a taste of it in “Pray Away” a Netflix original documentary released this month on Netflix.

Reparative or “conversion therapy” sprouted up in the 1970’s in right wing America as an attempt to convert the sickness of LGBTQ “perversion” into “normal” Christians the way the Bible and Jesus would have dealt with LGBTQ “afflicted” persons.

Now we have all seen how the Koran has been manipulated by Islamic terrorists who are stuck in a third century conservative interpretation to inflict misery and oppression. Has the Bible been equally manipulated to expose LGBTQ community members as deviants that only Jesus can correct? Given the historical perversions of the Koran and the Bible we never may get an answer to this question. But one can surmise that Jesus would have welcomed LGBTQ members into his community if they were consenting adults.

“Pray Away” is a sad and tragic look at the conversion movement in the United States from its inception in the 1970’s to the present day as 700,000 Americans have gone through this therapy. The documentary chronicles the growth and commercialization of the conversion “industry” as little better than slick and repetitive marketing we currently suffer with the vaccination “conversion therapy” flooding us.

We hear from founders of conversion “businesses”, conversion “survivors”, conversion therapy gurus and of course its many victims struggling to supress their sexuality for many years seeing it drilled into their heads as the sickness of being LGBTQ.

It is both a sad yet a damaging attack on conversion therapy. Whatever it is it has prolonged the suffering of those feeling guilt at being LGBTQ. Guilt can be easy pickings for any religion. The message of the film is that conversion therapy is damaging and destructive and is a big business as so many things are in the United States. Fortunes are made by conversion adherents and organizations and a dog and pony show of psychiatrists and psychologists latching on in a symbiotic relationship with the conversion movement with their half-baked unscientific approach. Its mutually beneficial for their businesses.

A personal and moving documentary about the business of conversion, its well-paid stars and its victims. Remembering documentaries tell a story of those who created it. I can only wish Jesus had watched the documentary and written a review.

Many of the prominent members of Exodus and Living Help leaders in the conversion movement are ashamed of their role in their movements but despite Exodus disbanding in 2013 new right wing Christian American blood has risen to the occasion to make a buck and terrify their simplistic followers like the old blood did despite the fact the old blood has created an anti-conversion movement.

Before we close I reviewed a documentary about conversion therapy in Israel and it was a resounding failure there. The federal government of Canada had almost passed a bill prohibiting conversion therapy but due to an election call it was halted. You can’t stop gayness as it just naturally seeps out.

You can watch on Netflix.

It was directed by Kristine Stolakis.

This American 2021 film runs for 101 minutes and you can catch the trailer right here   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs  

A movement better suited to “Leave it to Beaver”, Sky King (brought to you by Nabisco), and “All in The Family”.

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” :Reggie Visits the Psychiatrist (A Children’s Story)

My enthusiasm and zest for life really has disappeared in these past few weeks. My thoughts have changed since the death of my dog friend Karim and after the dog attack by that mean German Shepherd Layloo. I am not very hungry. I sleep less and the quality is poor. I am not excited about our walks even to the golf course where Dillie and I can roam free without a leash. I am not very sure what the future holds for me but I am frightened Bob and Fay will return me to the rescue society because I am not myself and am so unhappy.

Bob and Fay are worried about me as they know I am not acting normally. But I hear them talking and they mention it is because my dog friend Karim died and the recent German Shepherd attack. Bob sits on a patient advisory board at a local hospital and another board member who is a psychiatrist at the hospital suggested that I be taken for a check-up to see if anything was physically wrong with me. If I am “fit as a fiddle” as my animal doctor likes to say then the psychiatrist knows of a colleague at a veterinary college outside of Toronto in a place called Guelph that is experimenting with dog psychiatry and he could contact that person to see if he would see me. Psychiatrists deal with people who are mentally ill according to a BBC documentary I saw dealing with post traumatic stress disorder of soldiers after their tour of duty in Afghanistan. I am Reggie a tough dog and no way my mind is unwell! How ridiculous!

So Bob takes me to Dr. Murray at our local animal hospital and examines me and says I am “fit as a fiddle”. Bob explains my behaviour after Karim’s death and the Shepherd attack and Dr Murray says he is not a psychiatrist but with humans the death of a good friend can lead to depression and serious violent physical attacks like the Shepherd one can lead to post traumatic stress disorder. He advises Bob to keep a close eye on me over the next two weeks and if matters do not improve Bob should see the dog psychiatrist.

Well matters did not improve and we are off in the car to see Dr. Kureit at the University of Guelph Veterinarian School. Bob is asked to fill out a “Beck Depression Inventory” sheet about me and chats with Dr. Kureit about Karim’s death and the Shepherd attack. Like a British soldier suffering from post traumatic stress disorder he thinks the Shepherd attack has brought about recurring memories of the Cairo dog attack that I am reliving and that the loss of Karim has caused my brain to get mixed up and chemically imbalanced. I like Dr, Kureit who sounds like a narrator on a BBC documentary and what he says makes sense to me. Dr Kureit explains there is an experimental canine depressant called WoffLoft but Bob is reluctant to have me take drugs so he follows Dr. Kureit’s advice to show me I am loved emphasizing that, I am safe and I will never be forced to leave Bob and Fay’s house. And give the little guy some belly rubs whether he wants them or not!

Bob and Fay speak to me often and give me more hugs than usual and at first I don’t want the belly rubs but soon I am looking forward to them. We go for long walks at the golf course and there is more sun now and I feel like the gloom around me is disappearing. Dillie and I now have rice and ground beef with sweet potato dinners every Friday and that helps me with my appetite. I am eating and enjoying my chicken kibble and drinking cold and clean water. I don’t think about the Shepherd attack much and finally find peace about Karim realizing neither I or anyone, except for Allah could have changed that. That makes me feel much better and I know that Karim is in the world beyond with Anwar my former master in Cairo that was executed as a traitor by the Egyptian government. And Dillie the West Highland Terrier has been so understanding as he could be jealous about the extra attention I am receiving but seems to understand I need it and if I have a bad night he asks me into his comfy bed and I feel safe and protected and sleep peacefully. Not only is Dillie brave but he is wise.

Then the season called spring arrives. There is more sun and warmth and there are new smells I have never experienced again. One day it hits me how lucky I am. I have love, respect, affection, toys to play with, wonderful walks to go on. It has taken me weeks to think how wonderful it is to be alive. Whatever robbed and damaged my spirit has been chased far away. I thank Bob, Fay and Dillie for being so patient and caring. Bring on more belly rubs please and I am looking forward to many things I ignored in my “sad period”. The smell of spring and the care of Dillie, Bob, Fay and animal doctors have shown me once and for all humans can be trusted….at least most of them!

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Last Course Before the Entertainment: What to Serve With Oysters?

Celine Serpent, PP’s fiancée, decides to end the meal, at least until dessert, with Malpeque oysters from Nova Scotia. It so happens these are my favourite oysters with a nice briny finish and with a dash of freshly squeezed lemon who needs Elon Musk’s rocket to go to the moon. They are being driven in from Oyster Girl’s in Toronto along with a shucker. Celine loves Tito’s Texas Vodka with these briny treats. PP moans at his increasingly large bar bill.

I suggest a Chablis but PP cringes at the cost of Chablis. Couldn’t I find something cheaper? Yes indeed an Entre-Deux-Mers from Bordeaux at $13.95. It is a classic wine to match with simply prepared seafood. It has aromas of apple, pear, peach and tangerine. On the palate it presents itself as clean and simple. It rather grows on you and struts its wings when opened and exposed to air. I would say there is peach, pineapple, honey sweet white grapefruit all folded in a nice envelope of mango. Just enough acidity to dance with the oysters. And as the main meal is concluding perhaps something light to freshen up the palate. One of the condiments for the oysters is a peach, mango and vodka concoction so I am happy with my wine selection.

Suitable for Vegan’s.

(Caves de Rauzan Fleur Entre-Deux-Mers 2019, AC Entre-Deux Mers, Caves de Rauzan, Rauzan, France, $13.95, 11.5%, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 20900, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen, A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” : Reggie is Attacked! (A Children’s Story)

Dillie and I miss Karim. Dillie has seen his dog friends die and go to the world beyond but I have not seen many and Karim was a fellow street dog who went through suffering and trauma and finally ended up in a happy home and then he just died. This is so unfair!

I have come to accept his death and not ruminate about it but deep in my soul there remains hurt. I don’t eat much. I sleep behind the sofa instead in my comfy bed. I am not that interested in walks or greeting my dog friends.

Bob asks me one miserable gloomy and damp winter day if I want to go for a walk. Normally I would spring into action and wag up a storm with my tail but this time Bob just attaches my harness and leash and off we go. I am not in the mood but perhaps Bob wants some company and fresh air so I trot behind him. Dillie remains at home as yesterday we went for a super long walk at the golf course and the exercise and damp weather caused the arthritis in his leg to flare up so he does not join us on the walk.

We walk in a slightly different neighbourhood. As we pass by a house Bob and I hear some ferocious barking of a Shepherd behind a short fence. That causes me to shiver because the last time I heard such a hateful bark was when I was attacked in Cairo by that Rottenwhiler dog that ripped my leg up. There is another dog with the crazy Shepherd that is barking but he is goofy and friendly.

Bob tells me to hurry up so we can get away from that crazy Sheppard so we pick up our pace and twenty steps later there is an enormous vicious Shepherd with its mouth open ready to bite my behind. Bob pulls me away just before that salivating monster’s jaws would have sunk into my flesh. Bob starts kicking the Shepherd saying to him to get away. He kicks and kicks. I am ready to defend Bob and will die if I have to so I am trying to lunge at the Shepherd’s throat to rip it out but Bob keeps me back. The Shepherd squeals and runs off. Bob is furious but in a few minutes we are both shaking.  Bob tells me he has always been afraid of German Shepherds. Bob knows of my attack in Cairo so strokes my head telling me everything is OK. We both have a shaky walk home and Fay is stunned and says a lot of angry words only adults can use. Bob takes the car and gets the address of the house where the Shepherd jumped the fence. Dillie and I want to go teach that bad Shepherd a lesson and if Karim was here he wouldn’t stand a chance against us three dogs. You don’t mess with Egyptian street dogs and a West Highland Terrier!

Bob phones animal control of Toronto and they promise to investigate. When Bob, Dillie and I go out for our walks we tell the attack story to other owners and we hear that this nasty dog has attacked 7 other dogs some of which had to go to the animal hospital to get well. We get the address and name of the dog by talking to these owners. We report to animal control about this dog called Layloo and they say the owner denies anything ever happened. But animal control knows of the record of this dog so they order a muzzle be worn by the dog in public. But even with the muzzle on we hear he has attacked Wally our friend two doors down and taken a hunk out of his back. Bob says Layloo should be “put down” and if he had a gun he would kill Layloo. He is very angry. But Bob is so brave defending me! I say a prayer to Allah thanking Bob was with me when the attack happened.

But sleeping is becoming harder for me as I keep reliving the attack. It was terrifying but at the same time I would do anything to protect Bob. I am quick and a quick lunge at Layloo’s throat might have silenced that very bad dog. I am small but a good fighter. Bob and I watched a documentary on a Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao and he was a small but powerful champion fighter.  Shepherds may be big and mean but I think they are stupid and slow. I admire Bob for defending me and honoured that ageing Dillie said we should go and teach the Shepherd a lesson. West Highland Terriers may be cute but they are courageous Scottish dogs. I think both Dillie and I would fight to the end to protect Bob and Fay. Do you hear that Layloo? I said Layloo did you hear that!

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Secondi (Vegetarian)

PP is a meat-eating guy who equates vegetarians as communists, socialists and hippies but he keeps his opinions to himself except for me as I am becoming a confidant of the man for better or worse. The vegetarian secondi will be mushroom ragout served over polenta. The sides will be a Greek Briam and East Gwillimbury carrots tossed in toasted pine nuts and honey.

Having eaten this dish before it is extremely rich and a full-bodied red would be needed. Of course, a Barolo or a Greek Xinomavro sufficiently aged (20 years) would be my choice but as PP is paying for the bar bill the mantra as you know is cheap, cheap and cheap so forget my thoughts on the ideal wine. PP likes the fact this wine is from Bordeaux and is from 2015. It also has Château in its name so yes he is going for the BIG Bluff! It will look so good on the printed menu for the guests!

So we try the 2015 Château Gaillot Fournier which has been rated a 91 by James Suckling PP’s favourite wine critic. I feel like saying that if he’s your favourite let him pick your damn wines.

Putting my pride and emotions aside we delve into this $15.95 wine.

There is some mould on the top of the cork which need not be fatal. The nose is earthy with raspberry, ripe local strawberries just picked, blackberry and boysenberry. As for the palate the wine is assertive but not too bold. There are black cherry, raspberry and loganberry notes. The tannins are light which cause a bit of concern with a rich dish but there is a slight peppery finish that can take the tannic slack and stand up to and compliment the dish. The 14% alcohol also will help in complimenting the dish. A quirky but delightful Bordeaux.

This is a low-level Bordeaux and I ask PP if he is willing to shell out $24.95 for A Château D’Aiguilhe a Bordeaux darling according to Wine Spectator. PP knows the winery but is convinced the “artsy fartsy” crowd of Celine Serpent’s friends, all terrible lushes, will be so pickled by the time the secondi arrives they could be drinking up wine from Carlo Rossi and they wouldn’t know the difference!

I ask PP who will be attending the engagement party as who will be his guests but as PP has been disbarred by the Law Society of Ontario he says he is poison. He does have a couple of friends who have stuck through all the shit PP has been through and will attend provided there is no media present and no one will take their photographs. PP muses, “How about that for true friendship”. In his rather low rent apartment complex which Celine Serpent describes as “sheik Bohemian” PP developed a friendship with a recent Kabul refugee who was a sommelier at “Chez Bin Laden” but his English is poor and only bathes once a week. PP says this is no guest to bring to a high society engagement party. “I mean I like the man and he knew the wines of Pakistan and Afghanistan like the back of his hand but I have to think of my reputation!”

Interestingly enough it seems from the label that Jean Luc Thunevin was involved in the production of this wine. Thunevin was known as a “garagiste” in Bordeaux in the early 90’s that term referring to a small group of winemakers flaunting the Bordeaux traditions and making very good wines in their “garages”. PP snorts at these rebels but is smirking with a little bit of low-cost gold we have hit.

(Château Gaillot Fournier 2015, AP Bordeaux, Château Gaillot Fournier, Gironde, France, $ 15.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario #18640, 750 mL, 14%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 91/100)

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Secondi (non-Vegetarian)

As you may recall the Penniless Pensioner is engaged to Celine Serpent. They have a small engagement party planned to take place in Niagara-on-the-Lake. I have a consulting contract with Serpent for wine selection for the engagement party and for the wedding. Since PP is footing the wine bill I am compelled to go as cheap as possible as that Bernie Madoff litigation cleaned him out. Those New York attorneys can be expensive. PP calls them snakes in the grass. But my contract is with Serpent should I care what PP has to say or does this put me in a conflict of interest as some sort of fiduciary?

So the non-vegetarian main will be rabbit marinated in tarragon, Balkan style yogurt and a medley of Dijon mustards. On the side there will be Greek Briam and East Gwillimbury carrots tossed in honey and pine nuts. PP and I look at each other and say, “no brainer”. Viognier it is. So I try a low end Viognier from Paul Mas from the bargain basement Languedoc region of France. Light gold in colour. On the nose full throttle notes of honey, pear, mango, Niagara peach and tangerine. On the palate sumptuous and full bodied. Notes of mango nectar, honey and lychee with a moderately long finish.

This wine is just a perfect match for the secondi there is no need to search further. PP is excited as he loves Viognier from Condrieu in the Northern Rhône but that starts at $60 a bottle if you can even find it. The grapes were grown in the Nicole Vineyard in soils of clay, chalk and fossils. Keep your eye Jean-Claude Mas whose winery was Wine Enthusiast’s 2020 European Winery of the year.

(Paul Mas Single Vineyard Collection Reserve Viognier 2019, Nicole Vineyard, IGP Pays d’Oc, Paul Mas, Péznas, France, $14.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 370098, 750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 94/100).

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Primi

For the Primi course it is fresh Ontario peas in a field tomato, basil, oregano and rosemary sauce with a very light infusion of red-hot chili peppers served over fresh egg noodle pasta. There is also 500 mL of Ontario craft lager in the sauce per 4 persons.

This is a bit of a robust dish and there is no room for white wine. I am thinking a mid weight red might be called for. There is no room for a heavy hitter considering the secondi.

At $12.95 we are going to try a Le Noble Bordeaux a rather low-level Bordeaux rated by a couple of wine writers at a 90. PP is absolutely delighted at the price considering the first growths from Bordeaux he used to drink clocked in around $900 a bottle. It is a blend of 80% Merlot and 20% Cabernet Sauvignon so it should be smooth and not overbearing. Can we pull this off?

On the nose a rich lush black cherry zaps your nostrils like a ray gun! On the palate very smooth and almost silky. Chilling it a bit will give it the power it needs to match the Primi. On the palate it is an accommodating wine meant to match and not overpower. There are notes of black cherry, coconut, cassis and blackberry.

No need to try another red wine. This one will outperform its price point and match with the Primi. PP will be laughing all the way to the bank. Ooops, considering PP’s troubles with his Panamanian bank accounts I should watch what I say.

This one was easy.

(Le Noble Cuvée Reserve 2018, AC Bordeaux, Caves de Rauzan, Rauzan, France, $12.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 18782, 13.5 %, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen A little Birdie Told Me So Rating, 90/100).