“Pray Away”: What Would Have Jesus Thought?

If you want an answer about the religious legitimacy of conversion therapy in the American Christian right you might get a taste of it in “Pray Away” a Netflix original documentary released this month on Netflix.

Reparative or “conversion therapy” sprouted up in the 1970’s in right wing America as an attempt to convert the sickness of LGBTQ “perversion” into “normal” Christians the way the Bible and Jesus would have dealt with LGBTQ “afflicted” persons.

Now we have all seen how the Koran has been manipulated by Islamic terrorists who are stuck in a third century conservative interpretation to inflict misery and oppression. Has the Bible been equally manipulated to expose LGBTQ community members as deviants that only Jesus can correct? Given the historical perversions of the Koran and the Bible we never may get an answer to this question. But one can surmise that Jesus would have welcomed LGBTQ members into his community if they were consenting adults.

“Pray Away” is a sad and tragic look at the conversion movement in the United States from its inception in the 1970’s to the present day as 700,000 Americans have gone through this therapy. The documentary chronicles the growth and commercialization of the conversion “industry” as little better than slick and repetitive marketing we currently suffer with the vaccination “conversion therapy” flooding us.

We hear from founders of conversion “businesses”, conversion “survivors”, conversion therapy gurus and of course its many victims struggling to supress their sexuality for many years seeing it drilled into their heads as the sickness of being LGBTQ.

It is both a sad yet a damaging attack on conversion therapy. Whatever it is it has prolonged the suffering of those feeling guilt at being LGBTQ. Guilt can be easy pickings for any religion. The message of the film is that conversion therapy is damaging and destructive and is a big business as so many things are in the United States. Fortunes are made by conversion adherents and organizations and a dog and pony show of psychiatrists and psychologists latching on in a symbiotic relationship with the conversion movement with their half-baked unscientific approach. Its mutually beneficial for their businesses.

A personal and moving documentary about the business of conversion, its well-paid stars and its victims. Remembering documentaries tell a story of those who created it. I can only wish Jesus had watched the documentary and written a review.

Many of the prominent members of Exodus and Living Help leaders in the conversion movement are ashamed of their role in their movements but despite Exodus disbanding in 2013 new right wing Christian American blood has risen to the occasion to make a buck and terrify their simplistic followers like the old blood did despite the fact the old blood has created an anti-conversion movement.

Before we close I reviewed a documentary about conversion therapy in Israel and it was a resounding failure there. The federal government of Canada had almost passed a bill prohibiting conversion therapy but due to an election call it was halted. You can’t stop gayness as it just naturally seeps out.

You can watch on Netflix.

It was directed by Kristine Stolakis.

This American 2021 film runs for 101 minutes and you can catch the trailer right here   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs  

A movement better suited to “Leave it to Beaver”, Sky King (brought to you by Nabisco), and “All in The Family”.

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” :Reggie Visits the Psychiatrist (A Children’s Story)

My enthusiasm and zest for life really has disappeared in these past few weeks. My thoughts have changed since the death of my dog friend Karim and after the dog attack by that mean German Shepherd Layloo. I am not very hungry. I sleep less and the quality is poor. I am not excited about our walks even to the golf course where Dillie and I can roam free without a leash. I am not very sure what the future holds for me but I am frightened Bob and Fay will return me to the rescue society because I am not myself and am so unhappy.

Bob and Fay are worried about me as they know I am not acting normally. But I hear them talking and they mention it is because my dog friend Karim died and the recent German Shepherd attack. Bob sits on a patient advisory board at a local hospital and another board member who is a psychiatrist at the hospital suggested that I be taken for a check-up to see if anything was physically wrong with me. If I am “fit as a fiddle” as my animal doctor likes to say then the psychiatrist knows of a colleague at a veterinary college outside of Toronto in a place called Guelph that is experimenting with dog psychiatry and he could contact that person to see if he would see me. Psychiatrists deal with people who are mentally ill according to a BBC documentary I saw dealing with post traumatic stress disorder of soldiers after their tour of duty in Afghanistan. I am Reggie a tough dog and no way my mind is unwell! How ridiculous!

So Bob takes me to Dr. Murray at our local animal hospital and examines me and says I am “fit as a fiddle”. Bob explains my behaviour after Karim’s death and the Shepherd attack and Dr Murray says he is not a psychiatrist but with humans the death of a good friend can lead to depression and serious violent physical attacks like the Shepherd one can lead to post traumatic stress disorder. He advises Bob to keep a close eye on me over the next two weeks and if matters do not improve Bob should see the dog psychiatrist.

Well matters did not improve and we are off in the car to see Dr. Kureit at the University of Guelph Veterinarian School. Bob is asked to fill out a “Beck Depression Inventory” sheet about me and chats with Dr. Kureit about Karim’s death and the Shepherd attack. Like a British soldier suffering from post traumatic stress disorder he thinks the Shepherd attack has brought about recurring memories of the Cairo dog attack that I am reliving and that the loss of Karim has caused my brain to get mixed up and chemically imbalanced. I like Dr, Kureit who sounds like a narrator on a BBC documentary and what he says makes sense to me. Dr Kureit explains there is an experimental canine depressant called WoffLoft but Bob is reluctant to have me take drugs so he follows Dr. Kureit’s advice to show me I am loved emphasizing that, I am safe and I will never be forced to leave Bob and Fay’s house. And give the little guy some belly rubs whether he wants them or not!

Bob and Fay speak to me often and give me more hugs than usual and at first I don’t want the belly rubs but soon I am looking forward to them. We go for long walks at the golf course and there is more sun now and I feel like the gloom around me is disappearing. Dillie and I now have rice and ground beef with sweet potato dinners every Friday and that helps me with my appetite. I am eating and enjoying my chicken kibble and drinking cold and clean water. I don’t think about the Shepherd attack much and finally find peace about Karim realizing neither I or anyone, except for Allah could have changed that. That makes me feel much better and I know that Karim is in the world beyond with Anwar my former master in Cairo that was executed as a traitor by the Egyptian government. And Dillie the West Highland Terrier has been so understanding as he could be jealous about the extra attention I am receiving but seems to understand I need it and if I have a bad night he asks me into his comfy bed and I feel safe and protected and sleep peacefully. Not only is Dillie brave but he is wise.

Then the season called spring arrives. There is more sun and warmth and there are new smells I have never experienced again. One day it hits me how lucky I am. I have love, respect, affection, toys to play with, wonderful walks to go on. It has taken me weeks to think how wonderful it is to be alive. Whatever robbed and damaged my spirit has been chased far away. I thank Bob, Fay and Dillie for being so patient and caring. Bring on more belly rubs please and I am looking forward to many things I ignored in my “sad period”. The smell of spring and the care of Dillie, Bob, Fay and animal doctors have shown me once and for all humans can be trusted….at least most of them!

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Last Course Before the Entertainment: What to Serve With Oysters?

Celine Serpent, PP’s fiancée, decides to end the meal, at least until dessert, with Malpeque oysters from Nova Scotia. It so happens these are my favourite oysters with a nice briny finish and with a dash of freshly squeezed lemon who needs Elon Musk’s rocket to go to the moon. They are being driven in from Oyster Girl’s in Toronto along with a shucker. Celine loves Tito’s Texas Vodka with these briny treats. PP moans at his increasingly large bar bill.

I suggest a Chablis but PP cringes at the cost of Chablis. Couldn’t I find something cheaper? Yes indeed an Entre-Deux-Mers from Bordeaux at $13.95. It is a classic wine to match with simply prepared seafood. It has aromas of apple, pear, peach and tangerine. On the palate it presents itself as clean and simple. It rather grows on you and struts its wings when opened and exposed to air. I would say there is peach, pineapple, honey sweet white grapefruit all folded in a nice envelope of mango. Just enough acidity to dance with the oysters. And as the main meal is concluding perhaps something light to freshen up the palate. One of the condiments for the oysters is a peach, mango and vodka concoction so I am happy with my wine selection.

Suitable for Vegan’s.

(Caves de Rauzan Fleur Entre-Deux-Mers 2019, AC Entre-Deux Mers, Caves de Rauzan, Rauzan, France, $13.95, 11.5%, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 20900, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen, A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” : Reggie is Attacked! (A Children’s Story)

Dillie and I miss Karim. Dillie has seen his dog friends die and go to the world beyond but I have not seen many and Karim was a fellow street dog who went through suffering and trauma and finally ended up in a happy home and then he just died. This is so unfair!

I have come to accept his death and not ruminate about it but deep in my soul there remains hurt. I don’t eat much. I sleep behind the sofa instead in my comfy bed. I am not that interested in walks or greeting my dog friends.

Bob asks me one miserable gloomy and damp winter day if I want to go for a walk. Normally I would spring into action and wag up a storm with my tail but this time Bob just attaches my harness and leash and off we go. I am not in the mood but perhaps Bob wants some company and fresh air so I trot behind him. Dillie remains at home as yesterday we went for a super long walk at the golf course and the exercise and damp weather caused the arthritis in his leg to flare up so he does not join us on the walk.

We walk in a slightly different neighbourhood. As we pass by a house Bob and I hear some ferocious barking of a Shepherd behind a short fence. That causes me to shiver because the last time I heard such a hateful bark was when I was attacked in Cairo by that Rottenwhiler dog that ripped my leg up. There is another dog with the crazy Shepherd that is barking but he is goofy and friendly.

Bob tells me to hurry up so we can get away from that crazy Sheppard so we pick up our pace and twenty steps later there is an enormous vicious Shepherd with its mouth open ready to bite my behind. Bob pulls me away just before that salivating monster’s jaws would have sunk into my flesh. Bob starts kicking the Shepherd saying to him to get away. He kicks and kicks. I am ready to defend Bob and will die if I have to so I am trying to lunge at the Shepherd’s throat to rip it out but Bob keeps me back. The Shepherd squeals and runs off. Bob is furious but in a few minutes we are both shaking.  Bob tells me he has always been afraid of German Shepherds. Bob knows of my attack in Cairo so strokes my head telling me everything is OK. We both have a shaky walk home and Fay is stunned and says a lot of angry words only adults can use. Bob takes the car and gets the address of the house where the Shepherd jumped the fence. Dillie and I want to go teach that bad Shepherd a lesson and if Karim was here he wouldn’t stand a chance against us three dogs. You don’t mess with Egyptian street dogs and a West Highland Terrier!

Bob phones animal control of Toronto and they promise to investigate. When Bob, Dillie and I go out for our walks we tell the attack story to other owners and we hear that this nasty dog has attacked 7 other dogs some of which had to go to the animal hospital to get well. We get the address and name of the dog by talking to these owners. We report to animal control about this dog called Layloo and they say the owner denies anything ever happened. But animal control knows of the record of this dog so they order a muzzle be worn by the dog in public. But even with the muzzle on we hear he has attacked Wally our friend two doors down and taken a hunk out of his back. Bob says Layloo should be “put down” and if he had a gun he would kill Layloo. He is very angry. But Bob is so brave defending me! I say a prayer to Allah thanking Bob was with me when the attack happened.

But sleeping is becoming harder for me as I keep reliving the attack. It was terrifying but at the same time I would do anything to protect Bob. I am quick and a quick lunge at Layloo’s throat might have silenced that very bad dog. I am small but a good fighter. Bob and I watched a documentary on a Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao and he was a small but powerful champion fighter.  Shepherds may be big and mean but I think they are stupid and slow. I admire Bob for defending me and honoured that ageing Dillie said we should go and teach the Shepherd a lesson. West Highland Terriers may be cute but they are courageous Scottish dogs. I think both Dillie and I would fight to the end to protect Bob and Fay. Do you hear that Layloo? I said Layloo did you hear that!

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Secondi (Vegetarian)

PP is a meat-eating guy who equates vegetarians as communists, socialists and hippies but he keeps his opinions to himself except for me as I am becoming a confidant of the man for better or worse. The vegetarian secondi will be mushroom ragout served over polenta. The sides will be a Greek Briam and East Gwillimbury carrots tossed in toasted pine nuts and honey.

Having eaten this dish before it is extremely rich and a full-bodied red would be needed. Of course, a Barolo or a Greek Xinomavro sufficiently aged (20 years) would be my choice but as PP is paying for the bar bill the mantra as you know is cheap, cheap and cheap so forget my thoughts on the ideal wine. PP likes the fact this wine is from Bordeaux and is from 2015. It also has Château in its name so yes he is going for the BIG Bluff! It will look so good on the printed menu for the guests!

So we try the 2015 Château Gaillot Fournier which has been rated a 91 by James Suckling PP’s favourite wine critic. I feel like saying that if he’s your favourite let him pick your damn wines.

Putting my pride and emotions aside we delve into this $15.95 wine.

There is some mould on the top of the cork which need not be fatal. The nose is earthy with raspberry, ripe local strawberries just picked, blackberry and boysenberry. As for the palate the wine is assertive but not too bold. There are black cherry, raspberry and loganberry notes. The tannins are light which cause a bit of concern with a rich dish but there is a slight peppery finish that can take the tannic slack and stand up to and compliment the dish. The 14% alcohol also will help in complimenting the dish. A quirky but delightful Bordeaux.

This is a low-level Bordeaux and I ask PP if he is willing to shell out $24.95 for A Château D’Aiguilhe a Bordeaux darling according to Wine Spectator. PP knows the winery but is convinced the “artsy fartsy” crowd of Celine Serpent’s friends, all terrible lushes, will be so pickled by the time the secondi arrives they could be drinking up wine from Carlo Rossi and they wouldn’t know the difference!

I ask PP who will be attending the engagement party as who will be his guests but as PP has been disbarred by the Law Society of Ontario he says he is poison. He does have a couple of friends who have stuck through all the shit PP has been through and will attend provided there is no media present and no one will take their photographs. PP muses, “How about that for true friendship”. In his rather low rent apartment complex which Celine Serpent describes as “sheik Bohemian” PP developed a friendship with a recent Kabul refugee who was a sommelier at “Chez Bin Laden” but his English is poor and only bathes once a week. PP says this is no guest to bring to a high society engagement party. “I mean I like the man and he knew the wines of Pakistan and Afghanistan like the back of his hand but I have to think of my reputation!”

Interestingly enough it seems from the label that Jean Luc Thunevin was involved in the production of this wine. Thunevin was known as a “garagiste” in Bordeaux in the early 90’s that term referring to a small group of winemakers flaunting the Bordeaux traditions and making very good wines in their “garages”. PP snorts at these rebels but is smirking with a little bit of low-cost gold we have hit.

(Château Gaillot Fournier 2015, AP Bordeaux, Château Gaillot Fournier, Gironde, France, $ 15.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario #18640, 750 mL, 14%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 91/100)

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Secondi (non-Vegetarian)

As you may recall the Penniless Pensioner is engaged to Celine Serpent. They have a small engagement party planned to take place in Niagara-on-the-Lake. I have a consulting contract with Serpent for wine selection for the engagement party and for the wedding. Since PP is footing the wine bill I am compelled to go as cheap as possible as that Bernie Madoff litigation cleaned him out. Those New York attorneys can be expensive. PP calls them snakes in the grass. But my contract is with Serpent should I care what PP has to say or does this put me in a conflict of interest as some sort of fiduciary?

So the non-vegetarian main will be rabbit marinated in tarragon, Balkan style yogurt and a medley of Dijon mustards. On the side there will be Greek Briam and East Gwillimbury carrots tossed in honey and pine nuts. PP and I look at each other and say, “no brainer”. Viognier it is. So I try a low end Viognier from Paul Mas from the bargain basement Languedoc region of France. Light gold in colour. On the nose full throttle notes of honey, pear, mango, Niagara peach and tangerine. On the palate sumptuous and full bodied. Notes of mango nectar, honey and lychee with a moderately long finish.

This wine is just a perfect match for the secondi there is no need to search further. PP is excited as he loves Viognier from Condrieu in the Northern Rhône but that starts at $60 a bottle if you can even find it. The grapes were grown in the Nicole Vineyard in soils of clay, chalk and fossils. Keep your eye Jean-Claude Mas whose winery was Wine Enthusiast’s 2020 European Winery of the year.

(Paul Mas Single Vineyard Collection Reserve Viognier 2019, Nicole Vineyard, IGP Pays d’Oc, Paul Mas, Péznas, France, $14.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 370098, 750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 94/100).

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Primi

For the Primi course it is fresh Ontario peas in a field tomato, basil, oregano and rosemary sauce with a very light infusion of red-hot chili peppers served over fresh egg noodle pasta. There is also 500 mL of Ontario craft lager in the sauce per 4 persons.

This is a bit of a robust dish and there is no room for white wine. I am thinking a mid weight red might be called for. There is no room for a heavy hitter considering the secondi.

At $12.95 we are going to try a Le Noble Bordeaux a rather low-level Bordeaux rated by a couple of wine writers at a 90. PP is absolutely delighted at the price considering the first growths from Bordeaux he used to drink clocked in around $900 a bottle. It is a blend of 80% Merlot and 20% Cabernet Sauvignon so it should be smooth and not overbearing. Can we pull this off?

On the nose a rich lush black cherry zaps your nostrils like a ray gun! On the palate very smooth and almost silky. Chilling it a bit will give it the power it needs to match the Primi. On the palate it is an accommodating wine meant to match and not overpower. There are notes of black cherry, coconut, cassis and blackberry.

No need to try another red wine. This one will outperform its price point and match with the Primi. PP will be laughing all the way to the bank. Ooops, considering PP’s troubles with his Panamanian bank accounts I should watch what I say.

This one was easy.

(Le Noble Cuvée Reserve 2018, AC Bordeaux, Caves de Rauzan, Rauzan, France, $12.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 18782, 13.5 %, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen A little Birdie Told Me So Rating, 90/100).

“499”: The Colonization of Mexico: Fantasy Melded to Horror

“499” recreates the steps and strategy used by Cortes in 1521 in his conquest of the Aztec Empire in Mexico.

The film is a mix of fantasy and horror. Fantasy as it begins with a conquistador swimming to a beach in Veracruz. Who is he? Well he is the sole survivor of a shipwreck of soldiers returning to Spain with plunder but it is 499 years after the conquest that he swims to shore. The conquistador has arrived where the Cortes forces landed in modern day Mexico. He wants to retrace his steps as part of the conquering expedition. At points the fantasy turns into a bit of a Don Quixote adventure as a man out of place and out of time coping with the realities that he faces.

The fantasy ends rather abruptly as he hacks to death two men he sees committing sodomy on the beach. Then reality sets in with real victims and loved ones of murdered Mexicans mostly Indians caught in a vicious drug war where to speak your mind means disappearance and or death. Criminality gone wild that spills into pure criminality that transcends a drug war.

In some respects, the Cortes conquest echoes the French and English conquest of Canada where native tribes were pitted against each other depending on their alliances with the English or French. Cortes also used the Indians to attack the Aztecs but of course next was the conquest of the Indians by the Spaniards. So no moral judgements required on Cortes if you think such trickery was not used against First Nation’s aboriginals in Canada!

Everywhere he goes the conquistador encounters victims of violence. Most are Indians. Mexico is a rathole of violence and corruption. Is there law and order at all?

Does the conquistador regret his role in the 1521 conquest? You’ll see near the conclusion of the film that answer. A colonizer realizing the desperate situation in Mexico that perhaps colonization contributed to. Would things be different if the Aztec Empire had not been conquered and Mexico not been colonized? The film may cause you to come to your conclusion but it would be speculation.

Ironically the conquistador ends up as a dishwasher in a Chinese restaurant in New York in the land of gold for many Indians of Mexico trying to escape the poverty and violence of Mexico and Central America. Is the point that they are invading the United States looking for a type of gold being that of escaping from the rathole?

A thought- provoking film probing the violence endemic in modern Mexico. Most likely as the conquistador was you may be disgusted at the shambles of modern Mexico. The drug war has oozed into what might call a massacre and intimidation society. Vigilante self protection by the Indians most likely will escalate the violence further.

The musical score is brilliant. The cinematography spectacular. The concept innovative. Eduardo San Juan Breña as the conquistador plays his role to absolute perfection.

The film was the winner of the Special Jury Prize at the 2020 Toronto Hot Docs Festival.

The film will be showing at the Paradise Theatre in Toronto (In Cinema Screening) on August 28/29 with more theatrical dates to be announced shortly.

This 88 minute 2019 film is in Spanish with English subtitles.

It is directed by Rodrigo Reyes. Reyes had the following comment about the film, “Colonialism has different impacts on everyone. That is why I love the idea of an anonymous conquistador so much, a wanderer lost in the world who serves as a link between contemporary Mexico and our colonial past. The conquistador is fiction, but he has to find his place in the real world by listening, for perhaps the first time, to the stories of the real people impacted by new modes of violence. He is a ghost, a vessel for the audience to experience this incredible journey and arrive at their own conclusions.”

You can see the trailer here https://vimeo.com/591016878

RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner’s Engagement Party: Wine Planning: Another Set-Back; The Canapés

PP has suffered a set-back. In addition to not being able to access his Panamanian bank accounts the publisher’s advance cheque for his upcoming book “Fall from Grace” bounced due to bankruptcy of the publisher. So here he is with a looming wine bill for the engagement party short on cash. But PP always surprises and he says he has a “few” gold bars in a safety deposit box he was planning to keep for a rainy day. So he urges me to go classy but cheap! There are some thirty people invited but he rolls his eyes and tells me they all drink like lushes. I’ve got a bit of bad news myself as the wine consulting contract had a schedule of events the contract applied to and it includes both the engagement party and the wedding but I thought it only applied to the engagement party. PP guffaws and says I should have read the contract and assume nothing. He is right.

So for the canapés of Wagyu Beef Sliders, Mulmur Hills Lamb skewers, stuffed cremini mushrooms topped with gremolata and cold Vietnamese vegetable spring rolls. I am thinking we can get away with a lighter red wine but knowing about these events as I have consulted to many corporate events there will be need for some white wine. But let’s deal with the white after the red.

Will the Stratus Wildass Red 2019 Merlot do the trick?  On the nose it conveys an impression of lush and plush like a good Merlot from the Rutherford Valley in California. It positively glows with cherry, blackberry and cranberry. It could be equally plush and lush on the palate but it is low on tannins and nice and smooth with a personality of agreeableness. Not too heavy and not flimsy. Just right for the canapés and considering the dipping sauce for the Vietnamese Spring Rolls it might suit that canapé. Back to the palate there is some light cherry and loganberry jam and a short finish that will not overpower the canapés.

PP and I strategize that while this is not a great wine the opening toasts might dull the tastebuds and the risqué name of the wine might gain a few nods from the artsy fartsy guests as PP refers to them as. This PP is more deceptive than I thought. Perhaps there is a bit of Bernie Madoff in him?

(Stratus Wildass 2019 Merlot, VQA Niagara-on-the-Lake, Stratus Vineyards, Nagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, $19.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 376822, 750 mL, 12.6%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 90/100).

South Africa is attractive due to its low labour and land costs so its wines are what you might call a bargain. However, bargain in my mind means a low cost and a quality wine. South Africa has a reputation for its white Chenin Blanc. Considering the canapés it might suit the Vietnamese cold spring rolls but not the others. However there are always white wine drinkers in the crowd. PP thinks Chenin Blanc has a ritzy French name that might pump up the guests. And if there is any left over it will suit the main course!

Solid aroma of pear, apple, guava and quince jam from this Simonsig 2020 Chenin Blanc from the Stellenbosch. On the palate a solid body that just might stand up to the stuffed Cremini mushrooms. Notes of grapefruit, lime and applesauce. A bit of a brackish finish mixed in with sweet white grapefruit.

(Simonsig Stellenbosch 2020 Chenin Blanc, W.O. Stellenbosch, Simonsig, Stellenbosch, South Africa, $13.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 610907, 13.5%, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog ” :Reggie Asks Why Did Karim Die?

On New Year’s morning Dillie and I howled after Karim’s death. It was Dillie that got me howling for two reasons. He thought if we were loud enough Karim could hear us and our howling would be a good-bye we never had the time to say. Secondly, we were so sad it was as if some instinct made us howl. It just took us over.

Dillie, Bob and Fay’s West Highland Terrier told me he had heard many neighbourhood dogs he had seen and known on his walks had died and he had felt sad but to see Karim dead before his eyes was something he had never seen so he was just as shook up as I was.

New Year’s Day was one of the longest days in my life. It was damp, overcast and freezing rain started in the afternoon. When a dog is sad and distressed such gloomy weather only makes your heart heavier with grief.

One of the BBC documentaries I saw was an interview with Tara Brach a famous mind doctor for humans. Her theory was called “Radical Acceptance”. If you can accept what has happened and move on you will be healthier than if you refuse to accept it and constantly think about it in a negative and hurtful way. I used this philosophy to deal with the execution of Anwar my first master in Egypt and me being thrown out into the street. I could not change what had happened to me but it was a long process.

I can accept what happened to Karim but all of us in the house need to know why Karim died. Dr. Murray at the animal hospital said he would see us on January 2cnd in the morning and that we were to bring Karim’s body with us.

Bob took Karim’s body in the garage to keep it cold until we went to the animal hospital. When he left with Karim’s body Dillie and I barked furiously. I grabbed his pant legs and I think he got the message that this was to be the last ride of the Rat Pack. Bob put us in the back seat and put Karim’s body in the middle. This was to be a ride of honour and tribute.

We arrived at the animal hospital and we went into Dr. Murray’s examination room but when we saw Karim’s body so cold and lifeless, we started howling again. Dr. Murray knew he should do a private examination. He returned 30 minutes later saying they had done an MRI on Karim’s brain and determined it was an aneurism of his brain that killed him. I am not sure what aneurism means so I listened carefully to Dr. Murray speaking to Bob and he said it was a rogue blood clot and that no one could have predicted it. Well at least it was not caused by Dillie and I and the fact it was not preventable made all of us feel much better.

But we left Karim behind for cremation and again that enormous feeling of loneliness swept over our hearts. Bob would pick up Karim’s ashes in a few days. Bob was unsteady as he walked back to the car and cried for many minutes before we went home. It was cold and miserable and that night without barking we went upstairs to sleep with Bob and Fay. I started shivering although I was not cold. Fay hugged me tightly and spoke to me softly saying she was so sorry…so sorry…so sorry and I fell asleep. Two days later we picked up Karim’s ashes and we all went to a golf course up the street as the snow fell. Karim had loved walking in this park with no one around so we went to a place where Karim knew there were squirrels and he loved barking at them thinking they were some type of Canadian rat. There are no squirrels in Cairo just rats. We scattered his ashes and had a long walk. It was a quiet ride back to a home that was missing one of its beloved dogs.