RKS Japanese Literature: The Idiocy of Macaroons (Mieko Kawakami)

“So the day after next, I bought a pile of colourful macaroons at the macaroon shop in the arcade….I placed the box of macaroons and cherries on the coffee table with a polite bow. Thanking me with a smile, she took the two boxes to the kitchen and soon returned with some coffee and the macaroons neatly arranged on a plate. I had half expected to see a maid walk in. I sipped the coffee and took a tiny bite of a macaroon. It’s such a peculiar feeling, buying macaroons. You feel like a complete idiot, and yet that absurdity makes it somehow satisfying. They’re unbearably sweet, and the outer shell never fails to stick to the roof of your mouth, and besides the name is so silly. Its infuriating how overpriced they are, only because people think they are something special. They only remind you that you’ve never once thought they tasted good.”

Mieko Kawakami, “Dreams of Love, Etc.”

RKS Japanese Literature: That 2 p.m. Tokyo Feeling (Mieko Kawakami)

“It was two o’clock in the afternoon-that most vacant time of the day when the laundry is done and the vacuum put away but it’s still too early to go food shopping. The time when you feel most keenly that you are useless and the world is silently laughing at you from afar. No matter how hard you try to inflate your fantasies, mobilizing all the memories, imaginings and gossip you can muster, you just can’t seem to fill up the space.”

Mieko Kawakami, “Dreams of Love, Etc.”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY?

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY?

The Singapore Times Exclusive: TRAPPED IN SINGAPORE IN A BAD WAY: WHAT IS MY STRATEGY:

I woke up at noon the following day feeling not so great. Dehydration and jet lag. I was locked in the chewing gum storage area and the smell of mint was driving me around the bend.

So here I was in Singapore stranded without Bob or Fay or for that matter anyone I knew.

There was no Westie godmother to drop from the sky and liberate me.

When I was walking with Bob on trails he often said to me when I faced some obstacle in my way what was my strategy to deal with it. I could slither under it, jump over it or walk around it. Yes, it was incumbent on me here in a Singapore shop house to devise a strategy to deal with my unpleasant situation. A strategy means how, when and where I could address my dilemma.

I ruled out escape as I knew absolutely nothing about Singapore; its ins and outs? Are Singaporeans dog haters who would shoot me on sight or use Egyptian animal control methods and poison me? If escape was in the picture I had watched enough World War Two movies with Bob to realize to escape from a prison you needed to know the lay of the land.

I could play tough guy and be obstinate and snarly but so outnumbered what good would that have done.

I decided to play along. Act dumb like a stupid puppy not knowing its tail from his snout. Bide my time and strike at the right time hoping I was not so deep in the shit there would be no right time.

Being ravenously hungry I enjoyed my strange breakfast of chicken congee and a litre of Evian water.

At 10:00 Madame Fong appeared in the room in a vintage Pierre Cardin suit and an Oleg Cassini scarf smoking a gold tipped Russian cigarette looking like Cruella de Ville.

By her side was Bobby Fong Jr. an enormous man with a stomach the size of three Russian Wolfhounds and bad breath you could smell a kilometre away. He loved his durian fruit!

Madame Fong looked at me and said, “Cuddle Cakes we are going to clean you up and rest you up for a few days. My son Bobby Jr. will be “taking care of you” for the next two days. You need to acclimatize yourself to Singaporean climate and culture so you don’t appear to be a stupid puppy. Then I am taking you on a train trip throughout Malaysia and introduce you to some very important people.”

She then turned to Bobby Jr. and said, “Get your fat ass cracking and if you fuck up you’ll be selling gum in the back alleys of Singapore.”

RKS Literature: Too Lazy to Make His Bed (Kōji Uno)

“Every single day since then he has spent either visiting friends or sleeping. Sanasku’s style of sleeping deserves special mention. His small tatami-matted room has the standard tall, deep closet divided by a sturdy shelf into upper and lower compartments for storing his futon and covers behind a pair of sliding paper doors, but Sanasku long ago decided that it was too much trouble to open the closet door and pull the bedding out every day to spread it on the tatami. Instead he cleared out the upper compartment and now keeps his futon out permanently on the shelf. He sleeps in the closet with the doors open and never has to make his bed.”

Kōji Uno, “Closet LLB”

RKS Literature: The Roustabout Lawyer’s Fantasy (Kōji Uno)

‘I wonder why I never put more of myself into studying the law,’ thought Sanasku. ‘I think of that stiff brained, tongue- tied, unimpressive looking classmate of mine, Kakii: I see in today’s paper they’re calling him one of the up-and-coming hot young lawyers for that stupid case he’s managed to win. The public is so damn easy to fool.’ (Sanasku finds fault only with other people and forgets how hard the public is-and has been-for him to fool.) With my intelligence and eloquence…’ More than once, such thoughts inspired him to resolve to hit the law books and apply to be a judge or public prosecutor, but the inspiration never lasted more than an hour.”

Kōji Uno, “Closet LLB”

RKS Literature: The Importance of Timing for a Hotel Chef (George Orwell)

“Undoubtedly the most workmanlike class, and the least servile, are the cooks. They do not earn quite so much as waiters but their prestige is higher and their employment steadier. The cook does not look upon himself as a servant; he is generally called ‘un ouvrier’ which a waiter never is. He knows his power-knows that he alone makes or mars a restaurant, and that if he is five minutes late everything is out of gear. He despises the whole non-cooking staff, and makes it a point of honour to insult everyone below the head waiter. And he takes a genuine pride in his work, which demands very great skill. It is not the cooking that is so difficult, but the doing everything to time.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.

RKS Japanese Literature: A Dismal Failure Who Believes Himself Superior to All (Kōji Uno)

“As a child, Sanasaku tended to be smug and arrogant, always ready to show off his slightest ability. He was, in a word, vaguely contemptuous of just about everything and everyone. The tendency only increased with age to the point where now he has come to find it somewhat abnormal. His sense of dissatisfaction has increased over the past two or three years such that all works of art- not only fiction but critical essays, dramatic texts, theatrical performances, paintings are remarkable to him only for their innumerable shortcomings. He has come to feel that he is the only one who can perceive their flaws and virtues (if indeed they possess any virtue), that he alone understands them. He has gone so far as to think he should therefore provide models for other writers, write works that would serve to guide them to increasingly greater accomplishments; but in the end nothing has ever materialized.”

Kōji Uno, “Closet LLB”

RKS Wines of Portugal: A Wine Fit for Miss Piggy?

This wine is a regular in Liquor Control Board of Ontario’s Vintages releases. “Trina Bolotas” in its name is Portuguese for grazing “acorn cracker pigs” which include acorns as part of their diet. Its distinctive taste makes for delicious roast pork even more sublime when matched with the right wine!

A blend of Alicante Bouschet, Touriga Nacional and Aragonez.

No oak here. Aged six months in stainless steel.

Aroma: It’s a tie between black raspberry and blackberry with a bit of mischievous root beer (a mark of acidity), cigar and dark chocolate in the mix.

Palate: The dark chocolate strangely travels a narrow vibrant streak down the gullet surrounded by black cherry and blueberry. Short and juicy finish with firm acidity. The acidity makes the wine better for consumption with food than for sipping.

Personality: I am straightforward, simple and utilitarian.

Food Match: Pasta sauces made with fresh field tomatoes with more defined acidity would suit the wine as well as pork made in or coated with a tomato sauce.

Cellarbility: Consume in 2026. The winery recommends consumption within 24 hours of opening.

Price: $19 CDN.

RKS Wines of Portugal Rating: 86/100. Wine Align 88.

(Trinca Bolotas Tinto 2023, DOC Alentejo, Sogrape, Portugal, 750 mL, 13.5%)

RKS Literature: “Down and Out in Paris and London” (George Orwell)

“Hotel work is not particularly hard, but by its nature it comes in rushes and cannot be economized. You cannot, for instance, grill a steak two hours before it is wanted; you have until the last moment, by which time a mass of other work has accumulated, and then do it all together, in frantic haste. The result is that at mealtime everyone is doing two men’s work, which is impossible without noise and quarrelling. Indeed the quarrels are a necessary part of the process, for the pace would never be kept up if everyone did not accuse everyone else of idling. It was for this reason that during the rush hours the whole staff raged and cursed like demons.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE SINGAPORE TIMES FROM THE WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER WRITERS OF THE WORLD

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE SINGAPORE TIMES FROM THE WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER WRITERS OF THE WORLD

The West Highland Terrier Writers of the World (WHTWW) is an organization headquartered in Trollop Upon Tweed in the Kingdom of England. The goal of the WHTWW is the promotion of a positive and puerile image of the West Highland Terrier (Westie).

Westies should be portrayed as fluffy, white, cute, mischievous and loving. They should be photographed as brilliant white and fluffy with adorable collars.

We take strenuous objection to the publication of your exclusive story about the abduction of Rory Dylan Stephen which portrays salacious incidents no decent Westie should participate in. Opium dens, hoodlums, land mine sniffing in Cambodia, dog fights, urinating on themselves, travelling in some tacky Top Dogs entertainment troupe, pooping intentionally where “criminals” could step in it and having their cages kicked is not the Westie puppy story ANY of our members would write about. Puppies are for children to admire and look up to…cuddly and cute not involved in some raunchy tale sodden with vice, corruption, narcotics, curried fish heads and the illegal “pushing” of chewing gum.

His writings and those of Bob and Fay’s westie Dylan the Westie virtue on scandalous such as urinating on President’s Putin’s leg, dining with the Bidens, attending rock n roll concerts with Gordon Lightfoot and Drake, starring in movies with Nicole Kidman, meeting the Pope, sitting on the Ayatollah’s lap and winning the Nobel Prize are far from childish and a Westie is to be admired by children not cavorting about with humans as intelligent and thinking animals.

We are shocked the Government of Singapore will be awarding Rory a medal of valour. Westies do not interfere with human history. They were not bred for that purpose. Certainly, they can cuddle up with their master and mistress and watch “Coronation Street” or “Paw Patrol” but attending cocktail parties with Nicole Kidman and Russel Crowe is a disgrace to all West Highland Terriers.

Norbert Sanscerveau, Trollop Upon Tweed.