“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

The Singapore Times Exclusive: OF CURRIED FISH HEADS AND CHEWING GUM

Madame Fong stands there immaculate. Coldly immaculate. Brutally immaculate. Dripping like lychee syrup approaching the Cathay Pacific oversize baggage area at Singapore Changi Airport.

To the clerk she oozes care and compassion saying, “Where is my sweetie Cuddle Cakes?” The clerk hands me over and as I have peed all over myself and stink like stale ammonia, I am far from a “sweetie”.

I am leashed by a large bald Malaysian man and walked to the limousine area but not before I take a huge pee on the curb and then a elephant sized poop Mr. Malaysia steps in emitting curses in a language I do not understand. What I do understand is its fury.

“Filthy pig of a mutt” the real Madame Fong screams.

We arrive in a quiet area of Singapore in front of a huge shop house. I think it is a restaurant as I see a sign “Fong’s Curry House”. It would seem Madame Fong has a passion for running restaurants!

There is a sign outside saying “All the fish head curry and Munja cakes you Can Eat/ 32 Singapore Dollars!”

Bob prepares Japanese curry at home so I recognize the smell. The restaurant is packed. The fish head curry is served over noodles. The munja cake is group of tiny glutinous rice treats.

Like the Family Noodle Restaurant on Spadina Avenue in Toronto I am taken down to the basement and instead of an opium den I see shady characters in sunglasses selling cartons of chewing gum. Chewing gum sales, unless for medical purposes, are illegal in Singapore!

Furthermore there is a pit where patrons are spitting chewing gum wads into like it is a thrill. Chewing gum rebels! Hork out a wad of chewing gum on the streets of Singapore can land you into a mess of trouble. You can be fined up to $2,000 USD! Good on you Singapore as a dog I see wads of that filthy stuff on the streets where I walk!

I wolf down a bowl of rice and chopped Singapore Chicken and drink a gallon of Evian water and fall into a deep sleep the sounds of jet engines on my brain but not before I hear Madame Fong tell me that she has big plans for me tomorrow and if I cause any trouble she’ll put me in the pit for a dog fight. Sweet woman.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TIME TO GROW UP PUPPY!

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: TIME TO GROW UP PUPPY!

The Singapore Times Exclusive: TIME TO GROW UP PUPPY! AGAIN IT’S MADAME FONG!

I haven’t been on this earth for long. About eight months. Everything was happy and joyful except for a scolding or two.

Humans and dogs it was jump up, lick noses and have a jumpy and wonderful time. Compliments about how adorable and cute I was.

It is dawning on me as I lay in a crate in Cathay Pacific’s Boeing Dreamliner cargo hold something is very wrong. I am accustomed to the roar and the funny smelling chilly air but I have been in a crate the entire 23-hour trip and I have peed on myself. I am starving and parched and feeling dizzy.

Having my crate kicked and threats of being in some mainland China restaurant served as a hot dog plate or being used as a landmine sniffer in Cambodia and then being urinated on in the baggage transfer area by an evil baggage handler in Hong Kong was the straw that broke the Westie’s back. Yes, that man in Hong Kong was evil. But I was to, learn there is far more good than evil in Hong Kong There have been nothing but evil people involved in my “trip” which I finally realized was an ABDUCTION! Like that Getty guy Fay told me kidnapped in Rome years ago. I’ll fight like hell before they cut off my ear!

Where are Bob and Fay? They will be here any moment? If I weren’t so hungry, miserable and terrified I would be howling in misery and sadness.

All humans are obviously not like those in Toronto I met on my walks. I didn’t realize how wonderful my life was. I took it for granted.

Bob had told me I would be a puppy for a year. Well, I am beginning to think it has ended and how will I escape this predicament?

I passed out in the cargo hold and wake up in the oversize baggage area at Singapore Changi Airport.

And who is there dressed in vintage Pierre Balmain waiting for me? Madame Fong from the Family Noodle Restaurant (and subterranean opium den) on Toronto’s Spadina Avenue.

RKS Japanese Literature: The 1963/1982 Girl from Ipanema (Haruki Murakami)

Tall and tan and lovely

The girl from Ipanema goes walking

When she walks, it’s like a samba

That swings so cool and sways so gently,

How can I tell her I love her?

Yes, I would give my heart gladly.

But each day when she walks to the sea,

Shed looks straight ahead, not at me

This was how the girl from Ipanema looked at the sea back then in 1963. And that’s how she keeps looking at the sea, in 1982. She hasn’t aged. Sealed in her image, she drifts through the ocean in time. If she had continued to age, she’d probably be close to forty by now. Or maybe not. But at least she wouldn’t have her slim figure anymore, and she wouldn’t be so tan. She might retain some of her old loveliness, but she’d have three children, and too much sun would damage her skin.

RKS Japanese Literature: The Monk with a Lute (Doppo Kunikida )

“But I watched the monk and listened to his playing. The narrow yet busy street with its ramshackle dwellings had little in common with the monk and the lute, but somewhere, I felt there was a deep understanding between them. The lute’s sobbing tones drifted between the rows of houses on either side, mingling with the bold cries of peddlers and the ringing of an anvil nearby. When I heard the music, flowing like a current of springwater through a murky pond, I felt as though the heartstrings of all these, happy, excited people on the street  were playing a tune of nature. The monk, then, is one of my ‘unforgettable people’.”

Doppo Kunikida, “Unforgettable People”

RKS Literature: The Russian Duke Military Scam (George Orwell)

“In general, the Russian refugees in Paris are hard working people, and have put up with their bad luck far better than one can imagine Englishmen of the same class doing. There are exceptions of course. Boris told me of an exiled Russian duke whom he had once met, who frequented expensive restaurants. The duke would find if there was a Russian officer among the waiters, and, after he dined, call him in a friendly way to the table.

‘Ah’ the duke would say, ‘so you are an old soldier like myself? These are bad days eh? Well, well the Russian soldier fears nothing. And what was your regiment?’

‘The so-and-so sir.’ The waiter would answer.

‘A very gallant regiment. I inspected them in 1912. By the way, I have unfortunately left my notecase at home. A Russian officer will, I know oblige me with 300 francs’.

If the waiter had three hundred francs he would hand it over and, of course, never see it again. The duke made quite a lot in this way. Probably the waiters did not mind being swindled. A duke is a duke, even in exile.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.

RKS Japanese Literature: Unforgettable People (Kunikida Doppo)

“We can’t simply call parents and children or friends or teachers and others to whom we are obligated “unforgettable people”. These are people whom we dare not forget. But there are others-complete strangers-to whom we are bound by neither love nor duty. Forgetting them would imply neither neglect of duty nor want of compassion. Yet these are the very ones we cannot forget. I would not say that for everyone there are such unforgettable people, but for me there certainly are.”

Kunikida Doppo, “Unforgettable People”

RKS Japanese Literature: All Men Long to be Pimps (Minako Ohba)

“Strangely enough, the man tended to feel pleasure in his exclusive possession of a woman who was constantly being pursued by other men. Far from merely tolerating her pretended flirtations with other men, he tended to encourage them. Deep down, it seems, all men long to join the species we call ‘pimps’.

Minako Ohba, “The Smile of a Mountain Witch”

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: HONG KONGER’S ARE EVIL?

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: HONG KONGER’S ARE EVIL?

 Airplane trip on Cathay Pacific from EWR to Hong Kong and no Betsy lager beer or fancy ice cream for me. I end up queasy with a full bladder in some huge area with suitcases and crates. I pee all over myself and vomit in my crate. No food. No water. And some nasty man kicking my crate and cursing at me saying I am headed to China to be a Hot Dog Hot Pot served over rice and gravy to “some stupid tourists”!

“You idiot spoiled white dog” and he kicks the crate and urinates all over me! What a bastard as according to Cathay Pacific “pet transit policies all pets in cargo are treated according to Hong Kong compassion and kindness and are watered and fed prior to connecting flights.”

Is this Hong Kong or hell?

Unbeknownst to me there is a saviour in Hong Kong which will be revealed to me later as so many facts are in police reports.

I am loaded on another Cathay Pacific flight to Singapore.

“Lost in Puppydom: Rory Dylan Stephen’s Puppydom”: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: FROM NORTH BERGEN WALMART SUPERCENTRE TO EWR

THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: FROM NORTH BERGEN WALMART SUPERCENTRE TO EWR

After a very long drive to North Bergen, New Jersey we arrived. Me and some twenty dogs. We had a pee break in Aurora, New York and our drivers gave all of us some kibble while they had a few $10 martinis and a burger at some pub in this quiet town.

At the North Bergen Walmart Super Centre I had an opportunity to communicate with my fellow canine “hostages”. We were not on some group tour to the beauties of New Jersey. WE WERE KIDNAPPED!

Muttnapped for what purpose? Rumour had it we had “buyers” awaiting us. These buyers were paying big money a beautiful Irish Red Setter said. Who would take me to a buyer? My home is with Bob and Fay in Toronto! There were no Top Dog shows in the Walmart’s of New Jersey. A ruse. A trick. A sham. This is not going terribly well.

Our group was split up.

And wouldn’t you know it was Madame Fong from the Family Noodle Restaurant on Spadina Avenue in Toronto that picked me up in a Carmel Car Service limousine that had a bad kimchee smell to it. We were off to EWR Fong said. What is EWR?

Fong slipped me a tasty piece of beef bulgogi, and I remember nothing after that sodium and Xanax laced treat except being loaded in a dog crate on a Cathay Pacific flight to Hong Kong. Will I be sniffing for landmines in Cambodia?

RKS Literature: Worsening Hunger (George Orwell)

“On the second day I thought of pawning my overcoat, but it seemed too far to walk to the pawnshop, and I spent the day in bed, reading the Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes. It was all that I felt equal to, without food. Hunger reduces one to an utterly spineless, brainless condition, more like the after effects of influenza than anything else. It is as though one had been turned into a jellyfish, or as though all one’s blood had been pumped out and lukewarm water substituted. Complete inertia is my chief memory of hunger; that, and being obliged to spit very frequently, and the spittle being curiously white and flocculent, like cuckoo-spit. I do not know the reason for this, but everyone who has gone hungry several days has noticed it.”

George Orwell, “Down and Out in Paris and London”, 1933.