RKS Travel: The Botanical Beauty of the Desert: Sunnylands Center and Gardens in Rancho Mirage, California

Many know of Rancho Mirage’s plethora of spectacular golf courses, country clubs, glam hotels and restaurants set amid palm trees and the brown towering and sometimes snowcapped mountains of the Coachella Valley in Southern California but one should not overlook the Sunnylands Centre & Gardens located at 37977 Bob Hope Drive.

Sunnylands is a 200-acre historic estate of the late Walter and Leonore Annenberg. Mr. Annenberg was a publishing magnate and philanthropist leaving half of his $8 billion estate to his wife, his extensive art collection to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York and the remainder to the Annenberg Foundation. During the Nixon administration Mr. Annenberg served from 1969-1974 as Ambassador to the Court of St. James, Great Britain. He hosted royalty and world leaders at his estate.

Sunnylands quickly dispels the “desert myth” namely there is nothing but sand, tumbleweeds and cacti. Here you will find spectacular sculptured gardens highlighting the biodiversity of the desert with some 70 arid adaptable plants.

Take a walk in the Lower Garden, West Garden, East Terrace, West Terrace and/or Wildflower Field (being mindful of an occasional rattlesnake).

Take a 60-minute historic walk accompanied by a guide to discover the historic estate and tour directly around the Historic House. Cost is $28.03.

Hop on a shuttle for a 45-minute guided ride with views of the Historic House, golf course and outdoor sculpture. Cost $30.11.

Installation at the Sunnylands Center: Agnes Denies “The Living Pyramid”

You can also go birding on the estate with a local birder leading guests through the estate grounds. Cost $41.55 per person.

There is the coveted Historic House Tour taking guests on a 90-minute tour of the house. Cost $58.19 per person. The Historic House is a 25,000 square foot mid-century modern house. Tickets are made available on the 15th of each month at 09:00 Pacific Time for tours on the following month.

Sunnylands is open to the public from Wednesday through Sunday 08:30-16:00 hours.

For further information visit http://www.sunnylands.org.

RKS Literature: The Timeless Excellence of Wine from Samos, Greece (Voltaire)

“He immediately approached them, greeted them, and invited them to come eat at his inn to eat some macaroni, Lombardy partridges, and caviar, and to drink some wine from Montepulciano, from Cyprus and Samos and some Lacrimae Christi.”

Voltaire, “Candide or Optimism”, 1759.

RKS Literature: Opera as a Revolting Monster (Voltaire)

“I would perhaps prefer opera, had they not discovered the secret of turning it into a monster that revolts me. I do not mind if people want to see bad tragedies set to music, the scenes serving only to introduce (and quite badly) one or two ridiculous songs intended to exhibit the actresses’ gullet. Good luck to those who wish to swoon with pleasure or are able to do so at seeing a castrato strutting awkwardly over the age, squawking away at the role of Caesar or Cato. As for me, I long ago turned my back on these paltry things that nowadays are the glory of Italy, and for which sovereigns pay so dearly.”

“Candide or Optimism”, Voltaire, 1759.

The Penniless Pensioner Says Good-Bye and Thank You

AFTERWORD

The story you have read would not have been possible without the guiding hand of my colleague and advisor Robert K. Stephen. He was invaluable at editing, innovating and cajoling but at times I heard him moaning, “Not Again!” after editing each chapter some fifty times. He took great care to ensure the words you read are mine so if they are sloppy and misguided at times blame it on me as the book is my work and my story with all its flaws and imperfections.

Of course, this book is dedicated to Ginevra my one and only true love although she too was far from perfect. She was a unique and passionate fireball and somewhat challenging at first for my Indo-Welsh upbringing. When I make my annual trip to my seaside villa on the Bay of Naples I swear her scent still lingers. And the memory and possibilities of my unborn child continue to haunt me.

Don Lupara died a natural death if you call choking on a huge spoonful of caviar natural. Malvagia, his wife, at my invitation has moved into my Bay of Naples villa cooking like a maniac when I visit and sending me jams and cookies.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by recounting my adventures and the people I have met, loved and hated. I am sickened by the death of my friend John Lennon and the American fascination with guns although I feel justified in gunning down Cyclops but doesn’t every killer have justification? God will determine my fate for my brutal act of retribution.

Lumbago Pictures in Mumbai has purchased first rights to this book in anticipation of making it either a serious movie or a Bollywood film with dancing and singing.

My next adventure? I have given some thought to describing my recent activities with the Riesling Liberation Front or my career in an investment management megacorp. Stay tuned.

With all my love, gratitude and respect I remain The Penniless Pensioner!

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 51: Revolt at the Mugless Mental Hospital in Montreal

Squid whisked me away from Dorval International Airport in Montreal to downtown Montreal in his silver Studebaker. I took my usual suite at the Ritz-Carlton on Sherbrooke Street. After unpacking we went to Thursdays on Crescent Street for a quick Martini and then to an old favourite Greek restaurant of mine on Park Avenue called “Hesso”. After our grilled Porgy with a side of Vleta (greens) Squid explained the goings on at the Mugless Mental Hospital.

The Mugless was the psychiatric wing of the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal. The Royal Victoria Hospital was the teaching hospital for McGill medical students. It so happened that the United Mutations discovered McGill University accepted three sizeable donations from an anonymous donor for Mugless Mental Hospital “research”. Very noble and altruistic donor!

A disturbing trend of mysterious deaths by suicide struck the Mugless. There was no rush by public authorities nor the Mugless to investigate this alarming trend but the United Mutations, champions of detainees at psychiatric institutes, lent its ears to a deep throat in the admissions department of the Mugless who revealed the donations were from an American non-profit organization, “The Mental Relief Fund”. It wasn’t long before United Mutations forensic accountants traced the Mental Relief Fund to three high ranking bureaucrats at the CIA. Through investigative reporting the media was on the scent of blood. A mid-level sous chef at the Mugless claimed that he was instructed to put white powder from capsules into the food for specific inmates. Poison? The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ordered autopsies of deceased inmates over the period from when The Mental Relief Fund’s initial donation to the most recent Mugless patient death.

Squid had an inside track to the autopsy reports all of which except for 6 noted the presence of significant amounts of LSD in the tissues of the deceased. The United Mutations made the autopsy finding known to Mugless patients before they were broadcast nationally. Squid explained the autopsy results sparking a multi-day riot at the Mugless. The institute was trashed and all staff fled in fear of their lives. Large groups of inmates boarded buses chartered by the United Mutations and held demonstrations at the US consulate in Montreal, Toronto and the US embassy in Ottawa. Molotov cocktails were thrown which were answered by teargas. Then the petrol hit the fire. A United Mutations sympathizer at the CIA revealed the Mugless was administering LSD to certain inmates in a test to determine if it could be a debilitating chemical warfare weapon! An enormous civil unrest event tore through the streets of Montreal. The Mugless was set ablaze, McDonald’s restaurants were vandalized and American tourists threatened. Montreal was ablaze!

Mugless patient numbed out by LSD overseen by the CIA

Squid asked if I would co-ordinate bail teams to liberate incarcerated Mugless patients and get to work on launching a class action lawsuit against yet determined defendants.

I agreed despite my inexperience with class action lawsuits and explained such to Squid who simply said he trusted me utterly and completely.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version):Chapter 54: Meeting with Bernie Maggot and Fleece-Em Investment Management Company

The Greyhound Montreal to New York midnight bus is always a bizarre experience. Invariably Mennonites or Amish are denied entry into the United States. Then that rest stop at Saratoga Springs in New York is like a trip back to a 1950’s diner and the apple pie is almost worth the trip!

I arrived in Port Authority in New York at 08:00 hours and grabbed a taxi to my unit at the Dakota. I ran into Yoko Ono in the elevator and we gave each other a big hug. I didn’t much like her when John was alive but I have warmed up to her lately. I was invited to High Tea the following day with Yoko and that crazy painter friend of hers Kusama something or other?

After a quick shower and putting on the tie and suit I headed over to Bernie Maggot’s office at Bamboozle Towers on Madison Avenue. Maggot was a real dandy in the way he dressed very wealthy, eccentric and just a tad flashy. He later told me his dress style gave some comfort to his wealthy Hollywood clients.

I found Bernie Maggot’s dog in the office a bit over the top.

We had a lunch of octopus curry and seaweed salad. Maggot made it clear on my reputation alone I had the job of general counsel for Fleece-Em Investment Management Company. Maggot had researched me well and knew my sizeable net wealth which he found comforting as if the rich can’t trust the rich he said the world would be going from hell to a handbasket. His previous General Counsel Johnny Beluga had “fallen out of a window” while on holidays to Russia and had met his demise. The Russian police had said a toxicology report revealed he had consumed enough vodka to kill elephant. Strange thing was Beluga was a teetotaller.

My job as General Counsel at Fleece-Em Investment Management Company was to run the corporation to the letter of the law. I had Sally Marigold and Faizal Faizal as my two junior lawyers. The salary was attractive and the work straightforward. Maggot made it clear I was to have no client interaction and was not to act as counsel or give any advice to Fleece-Em Investment Management Company’s fund management subsidiary Desfool & Charlatan High Net Worth Fund Management (Panama) Inc.

Maggot struck me as a nervous man who kept looking out his office window to the Manhattan streets below. He had a nervous flinch and a very guilty look when a police siren sounded below. It was wonderful to have a job dealing with “my kind” for once. No drug dealers, mutants, mental hospital patients and veterans many of whom needed a good shower and lots of deodorant. I was working in a pristine corporate environment clean as a whistle and not a hint of contamination! Oh the sweet virtues of Megacorp!

I had a distinct feeling a new chapter in my life was commencing.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 53: Back to New York to Work with Bernie Maggot

These class actions arising from the “disturbances” at the Queen Fairy Hospital for Veterans and the Mugless Mental Hospital took two years to settle. The biggest victory was against the United States Government aka CIA for conducting covert LSD experimentation on certain Mugless patients. Could LSD be used to effectively interrogate “enemies of the state”. The judgment was for $120 million USD divided amongst 24 patients. There was also the judgement against McGill University for facilitating the LSD experimentation and that amounted to $1 with 46 million in punitive damages as the Mugless was part of McGill’s Faculty of Medicine.  The class action against the Montreal Police Force for excessive violence in suppressing the revolts was a $6 million. The Government of Canada settled for $1 and a contractual promise to bring up the standard of care at the Mugless and Queen Fairy based on measurable KPI’s (key performance indicators), including a ban on hot dogs ever being served to patients and the installation of a lawn bowling court at the Queen Fairy Hospital for Veterans.

Patients at the Mugless Mental Hospital celebrating their class action victories enabling improved care and damages award for CIA LSD experiments on them

Aside from being totally exhausted there was a restlessness setting in. Yes I was doing society a good turn in bringing to account authorities abusing their power and neglecting their duties. I started giving thought to my wealth and perhaps it was time to move into the social circles dictated by my station in life. In one of my calls with Don Lupara, the father of my assassinated sweetheart Ginevra, mentioned that one of his “moneymen” Bernie Maggot in Manhattan was looking for an accomplished lawyer to assist him running his investment management business catering to high-net-worth clients. I mean the creme da la crème had accounts with him and they were raking in fabulous returns.

I called Maggot and arranged a meeting with him in his ritzy offices in mid-town Manhattan. I had my condo at the Dakota waiting for me and the bad memories of the shooting of my friend John Lennon unfortunately were lurking but not as painful as they used to be.

It was off on the midnight bus from Montreal to New York’s Port Authority.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 52: Revolt at the Queen Fairy Hospital for Veterans in Montreal

Not far from the idyllic suburb of Hampstead in Montreal one can find the ageing Queen Fairy Hospital for Veterans. Those Quebec soldiers severely injured in conflicts where Canada was at war were “housed” in the Queen Fairy. Conditions were rather grim with lack of comprehensive physical and psychiatric care. For the past year patients had been complaining about the “stink” of tomato sauce permeating the hospital. It was everywhere they said. It stuck to your clothes and clung to your skin. Due to budget cuts by the Canadian Veteran’s Affairs department the existing kitchen staff were terminated and replaced with cheaper Cuban labour. Cheap they were but skilled they were not. It was hot dogs in tomato sauce over blackened potatoes 4 nights a week accounting for the horrific and ubiquitous tomato stink permeating the hospital air. Lunches were downsized to baloney sandwiches and Kraft Dinner. Fresh fruit was replaced by canned fruit and salads were a thing of the past. Bingo and shuffleboard programmes were canceled. The patient committee sent a strongly worded complaint letter to Pierre Malade the Minister for Veteran’s Affairs in Ottawa. Malade’s response was that the patients were well taken care of. He emphasized Canada would never forget the brave soldiers who “saved democracy” time and time again and if there were any complaints they were manufactured by a bunch of “shell shocked ingratiates”.

Upset Afghani veteran upset by the pervasive smell of tomato sauce and rancid hothorse dogs

Patients rose up in fury setting the hospital on fire and running amok on the hospital grounds. The entire world was shocked to see television footage of half starved and malnourished veterans being beaten by Montreal equestrian police officers. One poor wheelchair bound Korean War was beaten to a bloody pulp. Camera crews managed to enter the kitchen and found out the hot dogs were actually expired “Belgian Hot Dogs” made not with mechanically rendered beef parts but rather with rancid horse meat intended for use by the Ahunstic Dog Food plant.

Again Squid, longstanding a friend with these war veterans, asked me to sue the pants off the Canadian government if they did not improve conditions at the Queen Fairy. Legal action was also to be taken against the brutality of the Montreal police force.

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 50: Revolt of the Mutants in Montreal: Hijacked by the Sons of Westmount

During packing up in Naples to go to some undetermined destination I received a telephone call from Squid in Montreal. As you may recall Squid was the top man with the United Mutations and I had worked for the United Mutations in New York drafting the Charter of Mutant Rights. You may also further recall it was in New York I had met Ginevra. Sigh.

I don’t really understand the United Mutations. I know they stand for all oppressed mutants in the world. There are body mutants that are missing limbs or are deformed in some way and there are mind mutants categorised as having some form of mental illness. There are also political mutants oppressed by undemocratic forces. Well the body and mind mutants at the Mugless Mental Institute and the Queen Fairy Veterans Hospital had apparently gone on some sort of rampage and Squid needed my legal expertise to deal with the problem as many of the Montreal Mutants had been arrested and Squid asked if I could bail them out. Not exactly up my alley.

My flight from Naples to Montreal was far from uneventful. Over the Atlantic 5 men in kilts hijacked the airplane proclaiming themselves the “Sons of Westmount”. They were tanked up, fittingly, on Johnny Walker Scotch Whisky and were passing huge quantities of gastric gas caused by too much haggis. For a moment I thought I was on an Air India Delhi Belly flight and it wasn’t pleasant.

The Sons of Westmount were hijacking to draw attention to their cause which was freedom from damn Quebec nationalists who wanted to tear the Province of Quebec away from the loving grip of the British monarchy. I certainly supported their cause but not their methods. Holding innocent passengers hostage is a cowardly way to make a political point. Their idol and rallying call was the memory of James Dentalfloss kidnapped and later executed by Freedom Quebec a rowdy and dangerous group of thugs seeking the independence of Quebec from Canada. They had no demands at hand other a few placards stating, “Long Live the Queen” and “Anglophone Power”.

Come to think of it this was a publicity stunt more than a hijacking. They simply shouted out slogans and downed so much scotch from the duty-free cart they were all passed out when the plane landed in Montreal. The police carted them away and all passengers received a coupon for a free pizza next time they were in Naples. Alitalia break the bank hospitality.

A Sons of Westmount hijacker in disguise

Squid was at Dorval Airport in his silver Studebaker. What was going on with the patients at the Mugless Mental Institute and the veterans at the Queen Fairy Veterans Hospital?

The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous (The Final Version): Chapter 49: Good-Bye Naples, Good-Bye Scampia and Good-Bye Don Lupara….for the time being

Seven hours after departing Bucharest I was at my seaside home on the Bay of Naples. Don Lupara called me inviting me to dinner at the “compound” the following day. Perhaps it was my imagination but the scent of Ginevra still lingered in the house that was to be the home of Ginevra and our child. I took a long walk on the beach mostly crying and yelling curses at the ocean at that now crispified Cyclops. I had everything. Cyclops tore it away. I went to pick up a couple of pizzas and a bottle of Piedirossa red wine then turned on the television to watch an unending number of stories chronicling drug gang violence and this was a time that Naples was supposedly at peace!

Don Lupara’s boys came to pick me up and off we sped to the family compound. Malvagia, Lupara’s wife, the sweet old bird she was, gave me a bone crushing hug remarking how thin I was and that I should eat lots of Neapolitan cuisine to fatten up. For Neapolitans food is medicine and it is so irresistible even the terminally ill find it difficult to resist. I hadn’t eaten much in Romania so I was starving and ate like a maniac puffing Malvagia up with pride as she insisted upon preparing all meals despite the fact Lupara could afford Michelin starred chefs! Malvagia’s stuffed veal cutlets could accomplish world peace.

After our feast I waddled over to Don Lupara’s library for grappa and coffee. Nothing like grappa and coffee to clear the mind. Here I was in the room with a vicious killer that executed two teenagers before my eyes yet I loved him like a father. All who loved Ginevra I loved. Isn’t that despicable? Was I equally despicable for terminating Cyclops?

Don Lupara was stooped and in state of exhaustion. With tears rolling down his eyes he thanked me for “disposing of” Cyclops the murdering dog that killed Ginevra. He asked about the fear in Cyclops’ eyes before I pulled the trigger. He had laughed at me and dared me to pull the trigger but I told Don Lupara he had shitted his pants. He showed me Ginevra’s six shooter pistol framed on the wall saying we must never forget.

Don Lupara offered me his business but I refused. He chuckled and said that ordinarily he would have been insulted and killed me but Ginevra would haunt him if he did. After many more grappa’s and tears we said good-bye and in a strange ritual we cut our arms and mixed our bloody limbs together. We were blood brothers…Neapolitan blood brothers to the end and beyond into immortality. My seaside home was mine he said and ordered me to visit every year which on Ginevra’s memory I agreed.

I will miss Malvagia. Her cuisine was always son comforting.

I returned to my villa and cried myself to sleep. I knew that any more involvement in this Scampian narcotic business would come to no good. Time had come to leave Naples, Scampia and Don Lupara. It was back to a mental hospital for me but not as a patient.