RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine: Sue-Ann Staff Estate Winery 2018 Mountain Bell Merlot: Will This Tariff Free Merlot Lighthizer Up Your Life?

Getting sick and tired of the Trump Confusion show? And you thought Sleepy Joe was losing it? Tired of that rich overly fruity Washington State (or for that matter Washington D.C.) then think Ontario Merlot. You won’t have to think of Howard Outoflucknik when you consume it as its tariff free.

Aroma: Hints of a “tight Merlot” in that fruit is not gushing over the olfactory senses like a certain White House Press Secretary. Most American Merlot (of which we will steadfastly avoid until Trump departs or we become the 51st state) exhibit more fruit on the brain like Moron Tusk wielding a chain saw. Consider the black cherry, blueberry and cassis its friendship and full warmth not restrained by tariff threats lending a foul and bitter taste when taken seriously but this is Niagara Merlot folks good enough for Governor Trudeau to serve at his inauguration dinner where Tusk will be carving the roast beast with a gold plated chainsaw while balancing one of his 61 children on his shoulders.

Palate: Clearly a muscle Merlot disciplined and firm like the Canadian population fighting the cork taint morality of MAGA legions. Black cherry and firm tannins.

Personality: I am a wine with great integrity and backbone like a certain Canadian politician who showed it a little bit late in the game.

Food Match: A good old Canadian Pot Roast made with a good cut of beef trump roast.

Cellarbility: Perhaps keep in a cool damp cellar keeping company with thousands of imprisoned election stealers in the United States or captured Greenlander politicians.

Price: $32 CDN.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine Rating: 91/100. Natalie MacLean 90.

(Sue-Ann Staff 2018 Mountain Bell Merlot, VQA Niagara Peninsula, Sue-Ann Staff Winery, St. Catharines, Ontario, 750 mL,12.5%).

Canadian Province of Newfoundland and Labrador to Remove All U.S Liquor from Retail Shelves

Dr. Andrew Furey the Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador made the following statement on 4March2025: “Now, more than ever, we should be supporting local and Canadian-made products where possible. We will be removing U.S. products from Newfoundland and Labrador Liquor Corporation shelves, and reviewing and stopping immediately, where possible, procurement from the U.S.”

LCBO to stop selling U.S products in response to U.S. tariffs on Canadian goods (Press Release)


March 4, 2025 – TORONTO – As part of Ontario’s response strategy to U.S. tariffs, the government of Ontario has directed LCBO to take operational steps to implement restrictions on all U.S. beverage alcohol sales and related imports into Ontario, effective immediately.

LCBO has ceased the purchase of all U.S. products, retail customers are no longer able to purchase U.S. products on lcbo.com and the LCBO app, and wholesale customers, including grocery and convenience stores, bars, restaurants, and other retailers, are no longer able to place orders of U.S. products online.

Furthermore, spirits, wine, cider, beer, ready-to-drink coolers/cocktails, and non-alcoholic products produced in the U.S. will no longer be available in our retail stores or LCBO Convenience Outlets.

Our in-store teams can help customers find alternative products from our extensive selection of products from Ontario, Canada, and around the world.

LCBO is the importer of record for all U.S. alcohol products into Ontario, with annual sales of up to $965 million. We currently list more than 3,600 products from 35 U.S. states. U.S. products will not be purchased by LCBO until the LCBO is directed to resume normal business.  

Canadian Province of New Brunswick Removes American Alcohol from the NB Liquor Shelves

As previously stated by New Brunswick Premier Susan Holt on 3March2025 it was confirmed today by the Premier no American liquor will be stocked on NB Liquor shelves.

Rude Awakening for United States Wines and Spirits at one of The Largest Buyers of Liquor in the World: The LCBO Greets Trumpian Tariffs

The Liquor Control Board of Ontario is busily removing all American alcohol from its shelves.

Canadian Province of Manitoba Removes All American Alcohol Off Liquor Store Shelves

As announced today by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew effective immediately in response to President Donald Trump’s tariffs the Manitoba government has issued a directive to stop the sale of American alcohol products at Manitoba liquor marts and no further American alcohol will be ordered.

By executive order, as opposed to the legislative process, President Trump’s tariffs on all Canadian goods entering the United States will be 25% and 10% on oil and gas products.

Canadian Province of British Columbia to Remove United States Red State Liquor From its Shelves Immediately

In a statement today the Premier of British Columbia David Eby announced his government’s response to President Donald Trump’s 25% tariff on all Canadian goods entering the United States with the exception of oil and gas products which will be subject to a 10% tariff.

This is a partial ban only applying to “red sate” liquor i.e. Those states that awarded electoral college votes to Trump in the last election.

Premier Eby stated, “We didn’t ask for this fight the president has brought to Canada and to British Columbia. I’ll tell you this — we’re not going to shrink from it.  

Effective immediately, BC Liquor Stores will be pulling all red-state liquor products off the shelf and will not order any more.”

Canadian Province of Nova Scotia Removes All United States Alcohol from the Shelves of the Nova Scotia Liquor Corp Immediately

On 4March2025 Nova Scotia Premier Tim Houston announced effective immediately that the government will direct the Nova Scotia Liquor Corp to remove all alcohol from the United States from their shelves stating that the first time this was done it was considered an effective response and hurt American producers who rely on Canadian markets. There are more than 400 products involved including beer, wine and spirits. These products represent 7% of the NSLC’s number of alcohol listings.

The action of the Government of Nova Scotia is a result of Trumpian Tariffs imposing a 25% tariff on all Canadian goods entering the United States with the exception for oil and gas products which will be subject to a 10% tariff.

Premier Houston remarked, “Donald Trump is a short sighted man who wields his power just for the sake of it, not having any consideration for the destructive impact of his decisions on both Canadians and Americans.”

American Pediatric Society Lambasts Elon Musk as a “Baby Dangler”: Creamstone, Arkansas: 5March2025: Spoof News Services

In a keynote address at the American Pediatric Society’s annual conference in Creamstone, Arkansas Melinda Gatehead, Rector of the ABS, lambasted Special Advisor Elon Musk for his shameless “baby dangling” and based on a vote of the board of directors of the APS awarded Musk with the uncoveted “L’Enfant Terrible” Award bestowed each year on the individual recklessly endangering the physical or mental health of American children. The first “winner” of the award was the late Michael Jackson in 2002 for his baby dangling out of hotel window.

Gatehead addressed the APS members supping on Kansas American grain fed beef, Maine potatoes, creamed Minnesota rutabaga and Vermont Apple Crisp with California Gallo Blush wine as follows, “Elon Musk, which we refer to as Baby Dangler Musk, used his child (or was it an actor) shamelessly at an Oval Office meeting with President Trump recently. American pediatricians strongly disagree with using children as props in political messaging. Mr. Musk may know a thing or two about automobiles but as for raising children his battery is dead.”

Mr. Musk, busily decimating American families through vicious job cuts based on non-existent fraud and corruption claims, was unable for comment.

The United States Bans the Sale of All Portuguese Wines: Toenail Fungus Juice a Threat to Americans: Spoof News Services: Porto, Portugal: 4March2025

The President of the United States today banned all sales of Portuguese wine in the United States of America by executive order 1,234.

White House Press Secretary Bleacha Blondie advised the nation, “ On the basis of extensive testing undertaken by Bobblehead Kennedy our Secretary of Poor Health in his basement, the only testing facilities available in the United States due to the cleaning up of corruption and fraud resulting in the shutdown of all CDC laboratories in our country, unacceptable amounts of toenail fungus have been discovered in chemical analysis of all samples of Portuguese wine.

President Trump informed of this contamination of wine referred to it as “Wart Wine” as he correctly named Covid-19 as Kung Flu banned the sale of this filthy stuff to Make America Pure Again.

The New Republican Guard under the brave management of The Shame Boys and the Oath Breakers has obtained secret video of Portuguese citizens stomping on grapes with unwashed feet in big cement vats a universal practice in Portugal where donkeys are the chief method of transportation in a primitive country and sanitary standards are non-existent.

“Drink American Wine” President Trump commands! “Make California Great Again.”

Gustavo Franchesina of the Portuguese Wine Export Association responded in language that Spoof can’t repeat but we can say in the gentlest terms he was displeased.

Further details and reaction from the Portuguese government will follow.