The Return of the Penniless Pensioner: Chapter 11: A Dictator Grooms America: Take Centre Stage and The Cult of Personality

Once upon a time President Oran Crapaud was a middling entrepreneur specializing in bankruptcy and screwing countless suppliers by pulling the plug on what he had started through declarations of bankruptcy. Whatever he could hawk he did whether it be ties, hotels, golf courses or promoting Miss America contests.

Somehow, he landed a television show: No not a wholesome “Bedtime for Bonzo” but “Humiliation of Your Subordinates” where the United States had the opportunity to witness a cruel and savage man denigrating and humiliating contestants. For some reason the audience lapped up his crudeness perhaps thinking it was an act. Was it really?

Crapaud trademarked bombastic crudeness and never looked back. Eating BBQ dog with North Korean luminaries, insulting anyone that challenged him in any way, inciting mobs to go on destructive rampages, threatening countries with annexation, making outrageous suggestions as to a Kung Flu cure, waving upside down Bibles, having affairs with movie stars, committing criminal acts, making outrageous claims of persecution and so forth and so on. An alien might have called him irrational and politely put “well off centre” but he was in the spotlight and many Americans have an unhealthy obsession for entertainers and he basked in its warm light. Crapaud became a performance artist a real John Wayne of the political world. Bigger than life and worshipped by many and treated as a buffoon by others.

If Crapaud’s goal was to continually frolic in the limelight he certainly accomplished that. Divert the masses with a theatre of the absurd and they wouldn’t have time to realize his cult of personality was simply a smokescreen for his ultimate goal of dictatorship.  The unavoidable reality about Crapaud is that his fame was grounded in negativity.

Spoof News Services: Ebola Virus Threatens Florida: Canadian First Grader at Toronto Blue Jays Training Camp in Dunedin Florida Arrested and Deported to Guantanamo Bay: Dunedin, Florida: 18February2025

Grade one student, Amy Pickenbobber, from Guelph, Ontario was arrested at the ballpark and escorted to the “Deportee Express” Super Galaxy U.S. military cargo plane earlier this week. Pickenbobber was last observed clutching her stuffed animal “Mr. Monkey” shouting, “Mommy, the bastards are taking me!”

Pickenbobber is the youngest child of Horst and Getrude Pickenbobber who were attending the Toronto Blue Jays training camp in Dunedin Florida when several Blue Jays players and fans died writhing in pools of blood they had vomited up. MAGA patriot squads arrested Pickenbobber because as their squadron leader Buzz Wispybeard said, “The little Canuck brat was wearing a Canadian flag on her sweater and on her Barbie knapsack. This is disrespectful to our flag and we suspect she is ground zero for this outbreak. We will quarantine and interrogate her at Guantanamo Bay and get to the bottom of this.”

As Spoof reported on 10February2025 it was the Albanian health authorities that notified the United States of an Ebola outbreak in the Undemocratic Republic of Congo. The Center for Disease Control was in the midst of fraud and corruption “rightsizing” spearheaded by Presidential Superadviser Moron Tusk with no senior management remaining in place to co-ordinate a response to an impending global health threat so the Albanians helped out a friendly neighbour by giving the United States a head’s up.

To date 865 residents of Dunedin have perished in a horrible blood gushing writhing way. The Governor of Florida Ron de Senseless addressed the media and said in part,” This Blue Jayosis reminds me of Kung Flu. Both were thrust upon the United States by foreigners. If Canada was the 51st state it would benefit from the United States health care system and the Pickenbobber brat would not have caused all this fuss. If you or your loved ones are stricken with Blue Jayosis take two aspirin with your Ozempic have a hot bath and go to bed early. There is nothing to worry about.”

Spoof notes that in terms of rankings of national health care systems the United States ranks 37th just below Jamaica.

Spoof News Services: Mysterious Chinese Delegation Appears in Saudi Arabian Talks: Canada, Ukraine and Taiwan are the Christmas Turkey: Riyadh, Saudi Arabia:18February2025

Spoof New Services has unearthed possible devious super power back-room dealings at the supposed Ukraine peace talks in Saudi Arabia today.

Spoof reporters noticed an unmarked airplane arriving at Riyadh International Aerodrome the day prior to the scheduled meeting between Ricky Rubblehead the Secretary of Foreign Affairs of the United States and Urgent Lavratory Foreign Minister of the Russian Federation. Forty-six serious looking “Chinese individuals” departed the unmarked plane and were greeted by the assistant to the assistant of the Grand Secretary of Foreign Affairs of Saudi Arabia.

Subsequent to the arrival of these “Chinese individuals” Spoof contacted the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Saudi Arabia and queried as to whether this was an official delegation from the People’s Republic of China (PRC). The Ministry denied any presence of Chinese governmental officials stating they were “businessmen intending to establish a chain of fast-food Chinese restaurants in the Kingdom “Bok Choy For All”.

Spoof has been contacted by a “whistle-blower” confirming the “Chinese individuals” are an official delegation from the PRC. Spoof’s source indicated there is a distinct possibility Ukraine, Canada and Taiwan will be placed under the “protection” of the United States, Russia and China. The source added consider the situation akin to a Christmas turkey being carved.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine: A Pinot Noir from Prince Edward County

We try a 2020 Redtail Pinot Noir from Hubbs Creek Vineyard from Prince Edward County, Ontario aka The County.

Hubbs Creek Vineyard is a small family-owned vineyard planted over 15 years ago in the small town of Hillier, Ontario. The Pinot Noir was aged in Burgundian oak for 18 months.

Aroma: Strawberry, raspberry, red cherry and a sliver of milk chocolate.

Palate: Brick orange on the edges indicates some age. Lightly tannic giving some traction and a moniker of rough elegance. Not effusive with its fruit though. A bit tart. Short finish.

Personality: I like to describe myself as having a rough elegance perhaps the roughness imparted by the stony and calcareous soil lying on a fragmented limestone bedrock.

Food Match: Mushroom Bourguignon.

Cellarbility: Drink by 2027-year end.

Price: $27 CDN.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine Rating: 90/100. Sara d’Amato 91.

(Redtail 2020 Hubbs Creek Vineyard Pinot Noir, VQA Prince Edward County, Redtail Vineyards Consecon, Ontario, 750 mL, 12.2%).

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Film: “Anacoreta”: A Movie About Attempting to Make a Horror Movie

“Anacoreta” is a movie about attempting to make an experimental horror movie. I can’t discern any horror or mockumentary flavour to it. I attended the 65th Annual Thessaloniki International Film Festival in Thessaloniki, Greece in early November 2024 and watched 23 movies and posted reviews on 20 of them in 10 days. Three of the films were about making a movie about making a movie. The standout was Christos Massalas’ “Killerwood”. Its excellence was based on never knowing what was scripted by the director making the film and what was real. A fine line of thrilling uncertainty.

In “Anacoreta” unsuccessful film director Jeremy (Jeremy Schuetze) motors off to his late grandfather’s cabin in the beautiful mountains of British Columbia with actress- girlfriend Antonia (Antonia Thomas), brother Matt (Matt Visser) and his girlfriend Jesse (Jesse Stanley) with a goal of making an experimental horror movie and a cameraman and soundman accompany them.

Jeremy attempts the injection of a mood of horror amongst the “cast” by planting a dead cat in the freezer and the like incurring the displeasure of his brother and the ladies. Given the attempts at fear induction any possible horror appears implausible.

The issue with the film is knowing what is supposedly real is probably scripted. It is a tiresome endeavor trying to make the distinction and should there be any attempt at real horror its genuineness is heavily if not completely discounted by the knowledge the film is about making a film as opposed to a pure horror film.

Another take is “Anacoreta” is a chronicled snapshot and a bickering disaster on the life of an unsuccessful film director who lacks the respect of his brother and their girlfriends. A sad story of a director failing miserably making a horror movie. Hoping not to confuse you may I suggest you watch this snail-paced Canadian film directed by Jeremy Schuetze.

21February2025 VOD/Digital release.

RKS 2025 Canadian Film Rating 59/100.

Spoof News Services: The United States Bans the Sale of Canadian Maple Syrup: Washington: 17February2025

Susan Malaka Secretary of Agriculture of the United States just fresh off a 16February2025 ban of Canadian Ice-wine announced today effective immediately the criminalization of the possession of and trafficking of Canadian maple syrup. American citizens may return any Canadian maple syrup in their possession under the terms of an amnesty also announced today by the Department of Homeland Paranoia.

Ms. Malaka, at a conference of New Golden Age corn farmers in Des Moines Iowa announced the criminalization of possession and even more severe penalties for trafficking of Canadian maple syrup. Malaka stated, “President Trump recently announced he expansion of the American oil and gas production with an inspiring DRILL BABY DRILL. I am following his footsteps and saying CORN SYRUP BABY! The prevalence of corn syrup in American food is making Americans obese and our pharma industry can only strengthen by letting Americans eat and fully enjoy food laced with corn syrup then reducing the resulting obesity with Uh Oh Ozempic!”

The Return of the Penny Pensioner: Chapter 10: A Dictator Grooms America: Consolidate Domestic Power by Sowing Confusion

President Oran Crapaud of the United States of America has a confusion strategy domestically and internationally.

Crapaud slashed and burned Big America Government Bureaucracy (BAGB). Terminate, intimidate and browbeat BAGB reminiscing to the time when Crapaud postulates America was great. Greatness harks back to the time prior to BAGB. Who cares if BAGB was born in the time of Roosevelt’s New Deal a “deal” to neuter a popular uprising by the impoverished and dispossessed. Crapaud, with the intellectual ability that restricts him to reading the back of his favourite cereal box, Breakfast of Champions, fails to realize the harm his slash and burn policy may be the reason for his downfall as a reduction in governmental services may swell discontent. Crapaud is clever enough to have his storm troopers like Moron Tusk to do his dirty work distancing himself from unpleasant results.

For example, “reductions” at the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) restrict the ability of the United States to detect health threats to its citizens. Could this be a contributing reason for the outbreak of Ebola in Dunedin, Florida at the Toronto Blue Jays baseball training camp?

Could the “reductions” at the Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) particularly the mass terminations of air traffic controllers have been responsible for the Golden Age Airlines crash at the Burlington Vermont Airport killing all 98 passengers and crew aboard?

Can the dismantling of United States Foreign Aid Agency (USAID) be responsible for the starvation of some 4 million people throughout the globe and the rise to power of despots with an agenda of desperation much of it distinctly anti-American?

And the slash and burn at the CIA, FBI and DEA has possibly contributed to a 567% increase in fentanyl gushing into the USA from, the People’s Republic of China? Wasn’t the reduction of fentanyl deaths Crapaud’s big smokescreen for a power grab?

Resultant domestic confusion expands the power vacuum which Crapaud will “manage” to his advantage…of course.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine: Steve Byfield at it Again with a Tight Assed 2021 Cadence Red

Virtual winemaker Steve Byfield is at it again with another Cadence Red a blend of Merlot (37%), Cabernet Franc (36%), Cabernet Sauvignon (20%) and Malbec (5%). 122 cases produced.

Aroma: Tightly structured demanding at least one more year in the bottle to fuitify a bit more.  Black fruit is to be noticed here particularly blackberry, black cherry, figs, cinnamon with a bit of earthiness on the edges.

Palate: Firmly structured almost tightly wound. Moderate tannins. Hesitatingly rich with raspberry, blueberry, date, pomegranate and some milk chocolate. Super well integrated oak and acidity. Moderate peppery finish. Requires an hour minimum to breathe and open up.

Personality: Tight assed, dignified and needs to be coaxed with food.

Food Match: If you have the patience to craft a Mushroom Wellington it is.

Cellarbility: It will gain points on the fruit meter through to the end of 2027 perhaps to the extent it will evolve into a Niagara classic red blend.

Price: $26 CDN.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Wine Rating: 91/100.

(Nyarai Cellars 2021 Cadence, VQA Niagara Peninsula, Nyarai Cellars, Vinted at West Avenue Cider House, Freelton, Ontario, 750 mL 13%).

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Film: “Sweet Summer Pow Pow”: Two Generations Barely Able to Politic to Peace in “Love Story” Indigenous Style

Jinny (Tatyana Rose Baptiste) is a 17-year-old from the County Lake nation in British Columbia. Jinny suffers under the despotic but well intended iron fist of her mother Cara (Tanis Paranteau). Cara, now the chief of the County Lake nation, was not always a paradigm of respectability as Jinny notes she spent time in her youth in the flophouses of East Vancouver.

Jinny dreams of becoming a modern dancer but to please her nagging Cruella De Vil mother participates in the summer Pow Wow circuit in the province before she departs to a university pre-law programme in Toronto completely preprogrammed by Cara.

True to the teen romance genre of film she falls in love with Riley (Joshua Odjick) from the nearby White Bluff Reserve. While Jinny has a modern dance dream Riley’s is designing a line of aboriginal clothing.

The romance intensifies but so does Cara’s interference in the relationship making it abundantly clear will result in a failed relationship, children and a job at a clothing store in the mall.

At times the film descends into a maudlin teen romance with pockets of stiff acting, weak writing and cheaply filmed in the car shots with the exterior view from the car window like one might expect in a 1940’s movie. But the conflict scenes between Jinny and Cara and Riley and Miles (Trevor Carroll) a decrepit and violent alcoholic father are spot on.

Will true love interject itself into parent child conflicts?  Will Jinny obediently trundle off to Toronto university pre-law saying adieu to Riley heading to designing fame in Vancouver?

The final Pow Wow dance scene is a watermark in the portrayal of aboriginal themed film focusing on extra-reserve life and culture so admirably accomplished in the Canadian television series “Tales from the Rez”, “Jason” and the film “The Great Salish Heist”. Aboriginal themed productions have lunged beyond stereotypical and morose to a new more inspiring and optimistic bent.

Lisa C. Ravensbergen as Nora and Graham Greene as the one liner Pow Wow MC absolutely shine. Young Tyler Peters as Sawyer is a talent to watch. What a natural!

Directed by Darrell Dennis.

RKS 2025 CANADIAN Film Rating 76/100.

The Return of the Penniless Pensioner: Chapter Nine: A Dictator Grooms America: The Power of Non-Ideology

Most political movements are glued and powered by a cohesive and extensive ideology. The Crapaud ideology can be written on a yellow stickie.

Crapaudism is based on manufactured anger manipulated to attract and pander to his base. Anger, often theatrical, is directed towards what inflames his base.

On the opening pages of a very slim book of Crapaudism is xenophobia as what could be more patriotic than despising what is not “American”. It is intertwined with mythical concepts of “America Being Great Again” or reversion to a “Golden Age”

Although the soul of America was built on immigration it is now an evil full of child molesters, drug dealers, terrorists and best be accomplished by closing the borders to the unwashed hordes. Send the armed forces to the borders of the United States and threaten Mexico and Canada to do the same. It is not a question of a well-deserved reform of a shattered United States immigration system but the elimination of it

Crapaudism thrives on exaggeration. For example, tariff threats have been levied on Canada for facilitating the flow of fentanyl into the United States increasing crime and death there. Yet the facts are there are far more drugs and guns flowing into Canada from the United States than drugs flowing into the United States from Canada.

And speaking of factual manipulation of Crapaudism this is the fuel that flames the fires of the uneducated and the educated benefitting from Crapaudism. A recent survey of Trump supporters reveals that 68% of those polled do not know where Canada is on the map

Crapaudism is fueled by the cult of personality and martyrdom. Crapaud portrays himself as a martyr hounded by numerous prosecutors and citizens out “to get him”. Just a regular guy minding his business attacked by enemies vindictively crucifying him from everything from sexual dalliances with Cloudy Daniels to his obsession with Georgia Fried Chicken.

Then there are the attack dogs substrata heroes like border czar Tom Wholesome, the cowboy hatted Secretary of Homeland Paranoia Cristal “Yee Haw” Numbhead, Moron Tusk as chief slasher aka Special Adviser and Rob Bubblehead Jr. as health czar. Bigger than life and yes there are more flamboyant actors in the Crapaud misadministration than Ronald Reguns could have dreamt of.

No need to continue. Ideology requires thinking, Crapuadism requires acting enabling the spotlight to focus on the frightening and sometimes hilarious mouth of Oran Crapaud the President of the United States. A “strongman” and I’m not talking physical strength.

The most insidious and dangerous tenet of Crapaudism is that when he protects America he is “above the law” worthy of a mighty salute from Moron Tusk!