“U Po Kyin’s earliest memory, back in the eighties, was of standing, a naked pot-bellied child, watching the British troops march victorious into Mandalay. He remembered the terror he had felt of those columns of great beef-fed men, red faced and red-coated; and the long rifles over their shoulders, and the heavy, rhythmic tramp of their boots. He had taken to his heels after watching them for a few minutes. In his childish way he had grasped that his own people were no match for this race of giants. To fight on the side of the British, to become a parasite upon them had been his ruling ambition as a child.”
“The types he saw all round him, especially the older men, made him squirm. That was what it meant to worship the money-god! To settle down, to Make Good, to sell your soul for a villa and an aspidistra! To turn into the little bowler-hatted sneak-Strube’s ‘little man’-the little docile cit who slips home by the six-fifteen to a supper of cottage pie and stewed tin pears, half an hour’s listening-in to the BBC symphony concert and perhaps a spot of licit sexual intercourse if his wife ‘feels in the mood’. “
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
“What he realized, and more clearly as time went on, was that money-worship has been elevated into a religion. Perhaps it is the only real religion -the only really felt religion-that is left to us. Money is what God used to be. Good and evil have no meaning any longer except failure and success. Hence the profoundly significant phrase to make good. The decalogue has been reduced to two commandments. One for the employers-the elect, the money- priesthood as it were- “Thou shalt make money”; the other for the employed-the slaves and underlings-“Thou shalt not lose thy job”
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
GEORGE TOWN GAZETTE EXCLUSIVE! SIR REGINALD NICOMSHIRE ESCAPES SERIOUS MAULING BY MALAY TIGER: REMARKABLE ACT OF BRAVERY BY WEST HIGHLAND TERRIER
George Town, Malaysia: by Don “Tiny Bubbles” Ho
Earlier this morning at Taman Negara National Park Sir Reginald Nicomshire, Singaporean shipping magnate and philanthropist, was attacked by a Malay Tiger in the heart of the Park.
Nicomshire was with a group of passengers on the Eastern & Oriental Express chartered to celebrate Nicomshire’s 80th birthday.
A convoy of jeeps met the train at the Park entrance and took passengers on a tour of a section of the Park. Nicomshire left the jeep with a few other occupants to meet the call of nature. He was accompanied by a seven kilo West Highland Terrier, Cuddlecakes. Shortly after leaving the jeep loud snarls were heard in the bush accompanied by a terrified scream. Nicmshire was about to be attacked by a slinking Malay Tiger. Nicomshire, unharmed, ran terrified like hell back to the jeep but further squeals and snarls were heard as if a fight was in progress. Armed guides ventured into the jungle and retrieved Cuddlecakes bleeding profusely from a cut above his ear but conscious. The guides surmised by a blood trail the tiger had been injured and fled into the jungle.
Site of the attack at Taman Negara National Park
Cuddlecakes was attended to by Park veterinarians where 6 stitches were required to close the wound. Somewhat groggy Cuddlecakes was escorted back to the train where he is resting and recuperating.
Cuddlecakes with protective cone after injuries suffered in his epic battle with a ferocious Malay Tiger
Park guides blame Nicomshire for eating a Wagyu beef sandwich after his urination which attracted the tiger. There are an estimated 200 Malay Tigers in Malaysia and are occasionally seen in the Park. The Malay Tiger has been driven out of their habitat by mining and logging activities. As the Park senior guide remarked there is nothing like beef juice to attract a hungry tiger especially during the present mating season.
Nicomshire noted Cuddlecakes was named Singapore Westie of the Year this year and is the most intelligent and perceptive West Highland Terrier he has encountered. Nicomshire expressed gratitude for Cuddlecakes saving his life.
The Eastern & Oriental Express chugged off.
The Malay Tiger is emblazoned on both the coat of arms of Malaysia and on the train’s emblem.
We will be covering the arrival of Cuddlecakes in Georgetown tomorrow afternoon.
“Even at the third-rate schools to which Gordon was sent nearly all the boys were richer than himself. They soon found out his poverty, of course, and gave him hell because of it. Probably the greatest cruelty one can inflict on a child is to send it to school among children richer than itself. A child conscious of poverty will suffer snobbish agonies such as a grown-up person can scarcely even imagine.
The times that Gordon dreaded most of all were when his parents came down to see him. Gordon, in those days still a believer, used actually to pray that his parents wouldn’t come down to school. His father especially, was the kind of father you couldn’t help being ashamed of; a cadaverous, despondent man, with a bad stoop his clothes dismally shabby and hopelessly out of date. He carried with him an atmosphere of failure, worry and boredom.”
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
“On the second floor lived Lorenheim, a dark meagre lizard-like creature of uncertain age and race who made about thirty-five shillings a week by touting vacuum cleaners. Gordon always went hurriedly past Lorenheim’s door. Lorenheim was one of those people who have not a single friend in the world and who are devoured by lust for company. His loneliness was so deadly that if you so much slowed you pace outside his door he was liable to pounce on you and half drag, half wheedle you in to listen to interminable paranoic tales of girls he had seduced and employers he had scored off. And his room was more cold and squalid than even a lodging house bedroom had any right to be. There were always half-eaten bits of bread and margarine everywhere.”
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
“He was really horribly fat. He filled his trousers as though he had been melted and then poured into them. But of course, like other fat people, he never admitted to being fat. No fat person ever uses the word ‘fat’ if there is any way of avoiding it. ‘Stout’ is the word they use-or better still, ‘robust’. A fat man is never so happy as when he is describing himself as ‘robust’.”
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
The Singapore Times Exclusive: THE ABDUCTION OF RORY DYLAN STEPHEN: DINNER TIME ON THE EASTERN & ORIENTAL EXPRESS
There are two dining cars on the Eastern & Oriental Express. All tables have large scenic windows. I recall the sun setting in the Malaysian jungle as absolutely spectacular.
Fine dining par excellence. I had never seen such opulence both in décor, table settings and presentation of food. Bobby Jr. complimented himself on the selection of wines served with each course. Bobby Jr. had hired the Penny Pensioner, a famous wine writer and adventurer to select the wines. I have a scant knowledge of wine but Bobby Jr. just couldn’t stop talking about the 1982 Chateau Latour with the Wagyu beef.
I was sitting in a special chair beside Sir Nicomshire who hand fed me several strips of the Wagyu and was overjoyed as I hungrily gobbled this incredible beef along with a carrot and small bowl of rice with some delicious Pol Pot Cambodian spring water. Many compliments were directed to me from nearby tables about my impeccable table manners and good looks! As Nicomshire said, “West Highland Terriers are beautiful dogs but Cuddlecakes is exceptionally beyond perfection.”
Madame Fong joined our table for dessert and by her broad smile I could see my relationship with Nicomshire was precisely where she wanted it. Over coffee she patted Nicomshire on the back and said, “Let’s discuss my proposition tomorrow.”
You know that suspicious couple I saw smelling of gunpowder and drinking Budweiser beer at the Piano Bar they continued their bizarre behaviour, at least from my Westie perception, by eating hamburgers with French fries lathered in ketchup. Where are these people from and why are they perpetually staring at Madame Fong and Sir Reginald Nicomshire.
Nicomshire seemed to be fading fast after the three bourbons with his coffee and “retired” to his Presidential cabin early with his tittering much younger lady friend.
Quite frankly I was exhausted and feeling a little off centre with the lurching and jerking of the train. It has a narrow British gauge so you feel the bumps and turns more than you would on a North American train.
The observation car and bar had been transformed into a dance floor. Bobby Jr. met up with Amira his Malaysian girlfriend. The music was so loud it hurt my ears and that keener Amira picked up on that and escorted me back to our State Cabin where Keith had made up our beds and left a radio on with some easy going jazz. Amira said she’d return in an hour as the train would be stopping to pick up fresh fruit and juices for breakfast service and I could do my “business” then.
After my pit stop Amira set me on my bed and I fell into a deep sleep dreaming of our stop tomorrow at Taman Negara National Park a jungle sanctuary for the rare Malay tiger!
“Money, once again; all is money. All human relationships must be purchased with money. If you have no money, men won’t care for you, women won’t love you; won’t, that is, care for you or love you the last little bit that matters. And how right they are after all! For, moneyless you are unlovable.”
George Orwell, “Keep the Aspidistra Flying”, 1936.
“He had listened to the various offers. People tried to beat him down, to minimize the value of this splendid prize, this pit that had been completely renovated and refitted, where only a lack of ready cash was preventing production. He would be jolly lucky to recoup a sufficient sum to pay off his creditors. For two whole days he had wrangled with the two board directors who had descended on Montsou, infuriated by the calm manner in which they were taking advantage of his difficulties. Étienne saw only too well how one man’s misfortune became another man’s gain, and once more it discouraged him deeply to think of the invincible power wielded by the sheer weight of capital, so strong in adversity that it grew fat on the defeat of others, gobbling up the small fry who fell by the wayside.”
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