“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 14: The Torrid Sex Life of a Freshman

Rest assured this title was required in my contract with Wuhan Wet Market Publishing. It is misleading. It is salacious. It is supposed to sell copies. The contract did not state the contents of the chapter though!

It could be the lack of torrid lust was rooted in my respect for the opposite sex. Don’t make any moves lest one be accused of a rapist. I was part of the “Me Too” movement before it even existed. Harvey Weinstein could have saved himself long prison sentences if he had my respect for women.

There were a few memorable ladies. The 6 foot 5 Amazonian with a twin sister was an initial foray but with me at 6’3 we drew too much attention. She had the grip of a mechanic and the mannerisms too! She eventually gravitated to a Sumo wrestler exchange student.

Then there was what a nasty friend called “The Toad”. Part Cree Indian a great kisser but at 19 wanting badly to get married. SHIVER!

OK the attempt to befriend a film society tough bird. Someone took pity and finally told me I was wasting my time as she was a lesbian.

Then a good-hearted soul but her looks killed that.

Is there any point in going on?

I forgot about Sethi though. Returning home to my Four Season’s Presidential Suite one Saturday night there was an Indian wedding occurring in the Duplessis Ballroom. Hoping for some Indian food that was superlative I snuck into the room but the wedding was so huge no one noticed and questioned me. While ordering a Harvey Wallbanger at the bar the play-by-play commentator for Punjabi Hockey Night in Canada recognized me as the hero that had beaten Ken Dryden for a hattrick in that Indian National Hockey Team Montreal Canadians game. A group of young men paraded me around on their shoulders singing the Indian National Anthem. Unfortunately I was deposited at the head table unable to make an escape. My eyes locked with a beautiful Indian goddess with piercing green eyes. Reena was her name. One problem though that she was the bride! We had a dance and the temptations were enormous but being so damn decent this was simply not the time to deflower India’s most beautiful woman. A fool I was. Her mother-in-law set her wedding dress on fire later that night and poor Reena succumbed to massive burns. Mother-in-law was royally pissed at the “meagre” dowry so sought revenge. She received a life sentence and a cell in Tanguay Prison in Laval. Given my sweet pea Mina was confined to the Douglas Psychiatric Institution I knew me and women were a bad mix as far as romance unfolded. People seemed to die as a result of my romantic involvement.

RKS Film “Apostles”

Doesn’t this sound wretched? “Apostles” is Scud’s 8th film. Why would director Danny Cheng refer to himself as Scud a faulty Iraqi missile! Is he playing with us?

“Apostles” is one of those “artsy films” if you throw my way, I am free to interpret it in artsy ways and never be wrong! As an old Bachelor of Arts student, the engineering students called us when they were behaving “artsy fartsy” which was a sight better than the schizophrenic fascists they were!

Interpretation 1

“Apostles” is a sensitive intellectualized exploration by young men and their master about the quintessential nature of what dying is. Through mutual bonding exercises each of the 12 young male apostles realises what death is. The dialogue is heavily laced with Greek philosophy and myth imparting a deeply personal view of death. The dark photography emphasises the murky and philosophically clouded topic of death.

Interpretation 2

“Apostles” is a deeply disturbing and relevant study of the manipulation of youth by a charismatic leader that draws in the young, confused minds with sinister and self destructive poison and is but an attempt to explain the Jim Jones Guyana Jungle tragedy where individual thought is hijacked by an evil charismatic leader. This film is not a study on the philosophy of death but is death itself.

Interpretation 3

“Apostles” is a LGBTQ farcical romp full of pubic hair and butts. It is a spoof on philosophy where young men fornicate, grunt and groan then after realising the venerable master is simply filming them for a porno-snuff movie they get the hell out quick before they are snuffed. You can sense a “Life of Brian “ ending.

“Apostles” is available on DVD and VOD on December 13.

You can watch the trailer here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRnaVnkKoUA

RKS Wine: Wines of Chile: Pérez Cruz Chaski 2018 Petit Verdot

Chile’s Pérez Cruz has been hitting a very high average of late. I was first attracted to their wines at Drink Chile 2022 in Toronto in early November. I focused solely on Carmenère from 7 producers and Perez Cruz 2020 Limited Edition ($19.95) came out on top spot. Subsequent to that their Grenache and Cabernet Franc were top quality. Then there is the Pérez Cruz 2018 Chaski Petit Verdot?

Petit Verdot is almost always used as a blender valued for its colour, structure and violet scent. On a rare occasion it appears as a single varietal as it does with this Pérez Cruz. Can they continue their winning streak?

It is a very late ripening grape and needs heat.

The Chaski has an aroma full of rich dark fruit particularly blackberry. But three cheers none of the fruit is overripe as there is nothing worse, (other than a spoilt wine) than a stewed red wine. On the palate blackberry, licorice, coal, dark chocolate, cassis and a peppery finish. A fine winemaking effort but a baby that needs until 2024 to really strut its stuff and really roll forward like a Ukrainian tank. The Russian one got stuck in the mud. Squirrel a few away and consume by 2029.

(Pérez Cruz Chaski 2018 Petit Verdot, Sustainable, DO Valle de Maipo Andes, Pérez Cruz, Chile, $29.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 25644, 750 mL,14.5%, RKS Wine Rating 91/100)

RKS Literature: “The Zeal of the French Revolution”

“No previous political upheaval however violent, had aroused such passionate enthusiasm for the ideal the French Revolution set before it was not merely a change in the French social system but nothing short of a regeneration of the whole human race. It created an atmosphere of missionary fervor and indeed assumed all the aspects of a religious revival-much to the consternation of contemporary observers. It would be perhaps truer to say that it developed into a species of religion, if a singularly imperfect one since it was without a god, without a ritual or promise of a future life. Nevertheless, this strange religion has, like Islam, overrun the whole world with its apostles, militants and martyrs. “

“The Old Regime and the French Revolution” Alexis de Tocqueville 1856

RKS Literature: The Crumbling and Viciously Desperate Iranian Theocracy and the French Revolution

“The Church was hated not because its priests claimed to regulate the affairs of the other world but because they were landed proprietors, lords of manors, tithe owners, and played a leading part in secular affairs not because there was no room for the Church in the New World that was in the making but because it occupied the most powerful most privileged position in the old order that was now to be swept away.”

“The Old Regime and the French Revolution” Alexis de Tocqueville 1858

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous” : Chapter 13: My Espionage Opportunity

The Vietnam War ended some 5 years ago but that did not prevent all sorts of political disturbances from rocking the campus grounds of McGill University. The United Mutations were mobilizing support for mutants of the world. The Marxist Leninists the exploitation of students and workers, Hillel fighting against Palestinian terrorism, the Palestinians griping about the occupation of their land by the Israelis, the faculty wanting increased wages and so forth.

Marxism was a convenient if not a simplistic description of class power but in practice it had been a flop with the top party bosses replacing the old bourgeoisie. This was a fact ignored by the Marxist Leninists half of whom I expected were stoolies for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police yes those spiffy red uniforms and neat hats loved by elderly grandmothers and naïve school children the same clan that supported the English monarchy. The RCMP could be seen snapping photographs of demonstrators at McGill. Canada’s KGB! The RCMP knew my volunteerism with the United Mutations but figured I was a just a rich boy with a guilty conscience. So one day while having a cappuccino at my favourite joint just below the Four Seasons a rather hefty bald man in a Gestapo vintage leather coat sidled up to me and right off the bat offered me a well paid position as a stoolie for the RCMP with its “University Intelligence” unit. A bonus was paid for each communist ratted on. Love that free enterprise encouraging productivity. My cooperation would ensure that there would be no problems with my student visa. It was explained to me by this Pompy Blackhead since I was so wealthy I would be more than eager to turn in “revolutionaries”. And I was not affiliated with any of these groups which made me virginal target for recruitment. Thinking quickly, I volunteered I supported the Untouchable Freedom Movement in India and gave Mr. Blackhead all assurances this group operated within a democratic framework. The coup de grace was saying to Mr. Blackhead many in India considered the UFM to be a communist organization. He took the bait of doubt and scuttled away.

OK so I have made Wuhan Wet Market Publishing very pleased with espionage and yes they want something salacious next either sex or murder or even better if it was both.

RKS Wine: Perez Cruz 2019 Limited Edition Cabernet Franc

The Perez Cruz 2019 Limited Edition Cabernet Franc was fermented in stainless steel and aged 14 months in oak. Cabernet Franc is one of Ontario’s signature grapes so is Chile muscling in on Ontario’s territory?

Upon opening the bottle the aroma of the wine exudes some barnyard which in small amounts can add charm but in excess can be fatal. Thank goodness the barnyard subsides with some aeration being replaced with some well integrated oak. Some high-strung red cherry peacefully co-exists with loganberry and chocolate covered cherries. Canadians may remember Lowney’s Chocolate covered cherries and in this wine that memory is invoked. When those boxes of Christmas chocolates from Purdy’s in Vancouver were passed around I always went for the chocolate covered cherries! The wine’s tannins are firm unlike most Ontario Cabernet Francs. The palate presents black cherry with much lesser notes of cranberry. At 14.5% alcohol and with its tannins this is an excellent wine to have with food. I would suggest bone in grilled chicken breasts coated with a stout and Peruvian Merken spice and served with grilled asparagus brushed with EVOO and just a bit of sesame seed oil.

This is a medium bodied wine with an equal finish. I see it as still in its youth and will get in stride by mid 2023 and cruise into a wall by 2025. By the way this Cabernet Franc has more hair on its chest than what one might expect from its Ontario cousins.

I would keep my palate on the alert for how the acids in the wine develop. They are lurking on the edges here.

(Pérez Cruz Limited Edition Cabernet Franc, DO Maipo Andes, $19.95, Vitivinícola Pérez Cruz, Helquén-Paine, Chile, $19.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 10591, 750 mL, 14.5%, RKS Wine Rating 89/100).

“The Penniless Pensioner: Misaligned, Maligned but Marvellous”: Chapter 12: My Moment of Fame Thanks to Food Poisoning! Me the Bombay Blaster!

Fame, like food poisoning, can strike when you are least expecting it. I was invited to the United Mutations box at the Montreal Forum to see a special event being a hockey match between the Montreal Canadians and the Indian National Hockey Team. All the Indian team were Canadians save for the goalie who was also a star cricket player in Delhi. The United Mutations were heavily involved with Untouchable Rights in India.

We noticed many of the Indian players vomiting all over the ice during warmups. The team had eaten at Tandoori Palace on Laurentian Boulevard near their hotel The Motel St. Pierre. The curried eggplant was the common denominator amongst the stricken. The team was short 7 players. Since most of our intramural McGill Hockey team had been invited to the United Mutations box we sprung into action and volunteered our services. The Indian team had huge revenue expectations from the match as it was being broadcasted nationally in India and Canada. It required that revenue to fund hockey development in India. So while the Zamboni was cleaning the ice of all the vomit we suited up as best we could with what equipment we could find in the dressing room.

You can only imagine the massacre that awaited us! The Indian national team and its substitutes from the Punjabi Pundits was defeated 24-3. Yes a defeat but I scored a hattrick against perhaps the best goalie in the world Ken Dryden who by the way was at McGill Law School and had seen the Punjabi Pundits play a match. As a hockey player I was full of knobbly knees but laser fast zig zagging erratically so much so the Montreal Canadians team was baffled. Ken Dryden said he was disoriented by my bizarre movements and fooled by the weakness of my wrist shot which he equated with the treacherous knuckle ball in baseball. I was also injured by a Chris Chelios frustration slash to the face necessitating 15 stitches. The blood spilled on the ice causing a riot in Bombay with the Canadian consulate being riddled with bags of urine.

My performance was a point of Indian national pride to the extent I was awarded the Nehru Prize for Valor! We had a fantastic meal with the Montreal Canadians at Ruby Foos on Decarie Boulevard after the match. Mr. Dryden presented me with my hattrick puck and gave me a big hug. What a classy guy! The Canadians also supplied us with the best hockey equipment and a $20,000 cash grant for our expenses. We might need this as some 42 hockey teams invited us to play in tournaments. Throughout the sports world I was referred to as the Bombay Blaster and to those who hated Indians it was the Bombay Bastard. I also received a coaching offer from the Kashmiri Crunchers of the Opiate Minor Hockey League. And yes RKS Films in Bombay was planning a movie on the Punjabi Pundits “Indian Conquerors of the World”.

RKS Tea Meister: Genuine Tea’s Organic Sakura Rose

I was recently in St. Davids Ontario in Niagara wine country. I was there to review the Woodbourne Inn. They feature the “double breakfast” which starts with organic juice, tea or coffee and a fresh baked pastry. Out of my usual routine I decided to try an Organic Sakura Rose tea from Genuine Tea in Toronto. I order most teas from Tea Squared or David’s Teas so Genuine Tea was a new player on the block for me.

So for my first breakfast a pot of Sakura Rose tea it was. It is organic green tea (steamed Sencha) with organic rose petals and jasmine petals. I love my jasmine tea so why not see what rose petals do to the tea. So with my organic pear juice and pastry for the Woodbourne first breakfast I savoured Sakura Rose. The blend here was perfect as no element overpowered the other. It was a lightly flavoured tea. On the nose apricot and applesauce dominated with lesser notes of baked apple, orange marmalade and a hint of cinnamon. The apple sauce and marmalade notes carried onto the palate with a twist of rose petal Turkish delight. The finish was medium length and tannins were barely noticeable.

Sakura Rose was perfectly blended and suited the Cinnamon French Toast topped with tangerine infused with lavender, maple syrup and pa pa cream.

Should you be headed to the Niagara region and are intrigued about the multiple breakfasts prepared by a top-notch chef take a look at my review of The Woodbourne Inn  at https://a-little-birdie-told-me.ca/2022/11/07/rks-hotels-the-woodbourne-inn-at-st-davids-niagara-on-the-lake-just-like-home/

You can order at https://www.genuinetea.ca/ at $9.95 for 50 grams.

RKS Tea Meister Rating of Genuine Tea’s Sakura Rose Tea 91/100.

RKS Wine: Perez Cruz Grenache 2020: This Will Be Chile’s Year: Scotty Beam Me Down to Chile!

There has been an astounding jump in the price of most wines of late here in Ontario. It could be due to the LCBO thinking it is the holiday season so people are willing to spend more being in the “festive spirit”. Are you feeling festive enough to spend $383.95 on a Dom Pérignon Brut Rosé Vintage Champagne 2008? I do make it a point to chat with LCBO customers and eavesdrop on a conversation or two. The bleachers are in a state of shock. Entry level California Cabernet Sauvignon that was $20 has now jumped to $26. What has held firm are Chilean wines and in the upcoming release there are 11 of them all under the $26 range. The quality is high and the price compelling. My prediction is that here in Ontario it will be Chile’s year if pricing remains firm. Not to be crude but Chile move in for the kill!

Now to the Grenache there is 10% Syrah and 5% Mourvèdre.

Perez Cruz is a winery to keep an eye on. Its wines are sold at a reasonable price and so far the quality is impressive. Just to be sure we try a 2020 Grenache from Perez Cruz. That tell tale very Grenache well ripened strawberry rules the aroma sphere. It is also brimming with bright high toned red cherry and some chocolate covered red cherry. On the palate beautiful hyper cherries somewhat hammered down and tempered by cactus pear and a tad of beets. 

Really gripping traction on the palate with a very long finish. Easily mistaken for a flippant lightweight but take the burka off and this is a very serious and compelling wine. So far Perez Cruz has amazed this palate. Scotty please beam me down to Perez Cruz in Chile! These guys need a Dr. Bones probe!

While Grenache wines usually have a more serious and ponderous composition this Perez Cruz wants to dance all night at a fiesta with its cousins from Valpolicella and Cabernet Franc.

(Perez Cruz 2020 Grenache, D.O. Valle Maipo, $17.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 25645, 750 mL, 14.5%, RKS Wine Rating 91/100).