“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :COVID and Golf

While this is my first stint as Marshall at this club this is its second season operating within COVID.

Business has always been booming at this club but it has hit maximum booming during COVID as venues for team sports have been mostly closed this outdoor individual sport is drawing out ex-golfers out of their confinement and boredom. The result is there are many less than proficient golfers on the links slowing the pace for more experienced golfers. In fact they are referred to as “COVID Golfers” with less than glowing acceptance by the slim cadre of good golfers. I suppose “good golfers” in a recreational sense are those that routinely break 90 over 18 holes.

In Ontario a government shutdown closed golf courses from April 17 to May 22 of 2021 despite the recommendation of the Ontario Heath Table medico-elite to keep courses opened. More Ontario Conservative government mishandling of COVID. Well they did reopen before staged re-opening of the economy due to public pressure. Golf is a passion of thousands of Ontarians and mess with passion you are in trouble in both love and politics. One must admit there was political pressure to open golf courses two weeks early on April 1st then closing them on April 17! People are in the open, tee offs are spaced further apart to create less jam-ups, only 4 people are allowed in the pro-shop at anytime , masking is mandatory in enclosed spaces, food concessions were closed to name a few COVID “safety measures”.

In short COVID has increased demand for golf and golfers are so happy to be back after the April 17th closure they seem more patient as so many are happy to be out in the fresh air and lest we forget the cart girl s out selling beer and food. A travelling restaurant not restricted to take out.

Now as the economy opened the miserable excuse for a restaurant opened at my club. Golfers became more impatient, carts continued to remain improperly sanitized, flags could not be lifted on the greens and ball washers remained covered up. The competition remained intense for the 84 foursomes with 500 people daily vying for them.

In short COVID brought the bedbugs out of the mattress. It could be the beginning the revitalization of golf in Canada. Could there be a very long hesitancy for the jam packed crowds of spectators at sporting events, movie theatres, restaurants and airplanes? Give it a year or two fear of the Contagion will be but a memory to rear its head for the next generation?

“Mutantism on The March” :Chapter 104 Garth Reseudo the Panarchist

Garth Reseudo, the well liked Zorollian panarchist, was rather enjoying Montreal. The Canadians were a friendly lot and much more reserved and cautious than the Americans. They were slow to lose their temper and that made them the true fibre of panarchism.

Gandhi had appealed to Reseudo who read his books during his Washington stay. He agreed that one had to alter the heart and soul of one’s enemies before any true victory could be claimed. If you changed the heart of your oppressor, you changed their system. Gandhi failed in that he directed protest against the symbols of British imperialism and not the actual workings of the colonial system. The structures of class rule should have been altered not simply its symbols. Gandhi had laboured to construct an organization of passive resistance but the fault of that is that once one has created a strict organization with a myriad of rules there was bound to be a power structure even if Babu himself was against it. There would always be a director telling the masses to be at point A or point B at a certain time. There was no general and sincere spirit of the masses. That spirit was manufactured for them. Reseudo believed the individual to be the centre of any movement and not the masses as a directed entity. Masses should rise organically and spontaneously. In that fashion there would be no need for lawyers and leaders and repression control. Each individual should find contentment and reward in his or her space of anarchism, not anarchism of the violent Spanish Civil War kind but an anarchism born of the soul’s search for freedom. What else but anarchism could bring about freedom? Socialism led to an inevitable deterioration of freedom to the dictates of the dictatorship of the party. Fascism with its idiotic incorrect interpretation of history and brutality was designed to create a collective iron will and trample the individual. Liberalism was a thinly veiled excuse for economic exploitation hiding under the falsehood of the free individual will.

For his political views Reseudo had been exiled from his native Zorollia. Redbeard could not tolerate any resistance even if it was weak and weird. And what a surprise to learn from Montenez Eno Ergot, Redbeard’s nephew, was in Montreal and totally liberated from his corrupt ways and eager to topple Uncle Redbeard! In fact Ergot asked Reseudo to join him and help topple Redbeard but Reseudo made it clear his role was to be that of a panarchist leader. It was high time both Ergot and Reseudo return to their native Zorollia and take care of business.

RKS Wines: Peller Estates 2018 Meritage

While in Niagara-on-the-Lake last week I tried a Peller Estates 2019 Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon.

Ontario Cabernet Sauvignon limps rather badly except perhaps those from Lake Erie North Shore. The Peller Cabernet Sauvignon was virtually lifeless and lacking character. I suppose you can say this proves my point.

Now how about the Peller Estates 2018 Private Reserve Meritage. The label disappoints by not giving the varietals (nor their percentage) in the red blend but they are Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Cabernet Franc. Ontario excels in Cabernet Franc.

On the nose there is vibrant black cherry, rhubarb, cactus pear and a slight infusion of milk chocolate. On the palate I do not receive a vibrant and cheery cherry nod but rather a serious and stiff meeting with gentle tannins. On the palate it is cherry in a straitjacket, Santa Rosa Plums, white pepper and dates. But all of the palate is wound up tightly like a job candidate in a third and final interview. It has a short finish. While the Cabernet Franc and Merlot do their job that laggard Cabernet Sauvignon makes a wine that could be great simply decent.

Drink by the end of 2022. Pair with a lamb burger or Manchego cheese.

(Peller Estates Private Reserve Meritage 2018, VQA Niagara Peninsula, Peller Estates, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, $26.95 (Available at the Winery only at this point), 750 mL, 12.8%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 88/100).

“My Life as a Golf Marshall”: Mindfulness and Golf; Do You Need a Golf Cart Buddha?

If you are a student of mindfulness or practice it is an important feature of mindfulness of being in the moment in a non-judgemental fashion. In fact each shot you take is in the moment and after that shot that moment is gone. What sense is there in beating yourself up over some terrible past moments. Past moments are done and they can never be repeated. Focus on the present and enjoy the wonderful foliage or the cold beer you are drinking. There is nothing wrong in a cool-headed fashion trying to dissect what went wrong and trying to fix it so it does not happen again.

I encounter many upset and angry golfers so wrapped up about bad shots they are clouded about the next shot. I explain the importance of being in the present moment and remarkably they say I never really thought about that. Thanks!

So I view my job not as solely being a quasi authoritarian figure but an enabler to overcome pain and self criticism and therefor to focus on the upcoming present moment.

Now part of forgetting about that last bad shot or series of last bad shots is to accept them as having happened perhaps with some humour or if needed some self compassion. If you analyze the game of golf it seems simplistic. Just keeping the ball straight. However, if you could only do this seemingly simple task you’d be part of the PGA or LPGA. So realize and accept you are not a professional golfer and when things go bad accept them and move on. You can’t change the shot that has happened. Keep on getting fussed you’ll be a dog chasing its tail instead of swaggering on a straight path!

Perhaps in a perfect world you need me as “Golf Cart Buddha”. Before the game in our cart we do 5 minutes of yoga. Then 5 minutes of stretching yoga and finish off with a 5-minute meditation to calm the mind and body. I then play 18 with you and make mindfulness curative observations. Stay tuned. Coming next year.

There is no need to toss your golf clubs in the pond!

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” : My Third Breast

Yes this is a strange but true story about me. I was playing with a foursome comprised of work buddies. I made the mistake of being 10 yards ahead of one of the foursome. He was not a very good golfer but in any case, a wicked and almost impossible slice hit me in the middle of the chest. Such nasty and burning pain. By the next day I had a third breast and it was black and blue. So off to the doctor who had a chuckle he quickly stopped and apologized saying as a medical student he had studied a man who had his face destroyed by a golf ball. I realized just how lucky I had been. Golfers beware! Don’t think It can’t happen to you.

“Mutantism on The March ” :Chapter 103: Low Life Moralist Scum

Matters were not going well for President Affliction of the United Sates meaning the planned takeover of Quebec by the United States was becoming more of a dream than a reality. Once Affliction had been held in high esteem by Jiber (aka Hecklevesque) but like most earthlings he had tripped up with rumours of his impeachment swirling about in the media. So it looked like Jiber’s deal with Affliction was off and it was unlikely a blatant crook like Affliction would replace him….at least for awhile.

Jiber had not seen much of his father as he had been a bastard child and kept under the radar with his father doling out chunks of gold to his mother to keep her quiet and avoid a scandal. Despite being rejected by his father he admired his ideals and was mortified by his father’s assassination and vowed to avenge his death. These lousy moralists with their good cheer and optimism. There should be no place for their creaturism and pacifist dribble. He hated them and remembered as a child throwing rocks at them. Brutality, violence and power should be the cornerstone of society. Keep those slacker parasites in line and drub out them and their expensive and whining demands. If only they had read the writings of his father they would have seen the truth. His father’s literary efforts had provided a valuable service for likeminded people in search of power and the wealth it brought. In his father’s first and last book “My Struggle With Assorted Scum” there was a brilliant passage ridiculing the moralists;

“Moralism poses a distinct danger to our beloved fatherland Zortixia. This weak and soulless philosophy operates solely in the sphere of pacifism and that is its danger. It dulls the mind and lulls its creative capacities. Can you see the implications of this philosophy in wartime? Once creaturism is set in motion it is virtually unstoppable. Its spirit of co-operation weakens the fighting instinct of our planet creating a pool of weakling’s incapable of confrontation. It is only the fight and struggle for survival that sharpens the wit and develops the body. Creaturism rejects this train of thought as violent. It fosters a spirit of decadent and deceptive placidity. It strangles the will for survival. There have always been alien spies on our planet and they take stock of our weaknesses. If our present creaturist leaders are not overthrown we shall soon be a conquered planet and that is the weakness of creaturism in that it fails to see reality staring it in the face that being very few planets in the galaxy accept this treacherous philosophy. If these other planets invade our current weakling government would not stand a chance. We would have the likes of Montenez to thank for our slavery. You may have been brainwashed into thinking we live in peaceful times but that simply is not the case. Let me remind you that all it takes is one invading planet and we face subjugation. We must be prepared to resist such attacks and learn the cleansing power of struggle and violence. This is the sole manner that a planet can retain a semblance of freedom and dignity. Are we to fight for survival when we are attacked by enemies of the fatherland or politely surrender? The choice is yours! “

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :So What is a Bad Day For a Golf Marshall?

What is it they say about fascists? They like law and order except perhaps for The Donald who likes confusion and divisiveness! I am not a fascist but I have Mussolini moments on the golf course. Order, order and more order please. But unlike the modern-day Chinese government I simply can’t send golf etiquette offenders to re-education camps. In today’s politically correct world a negative word from a golf Marshall requires the golf Marshall to be sent to a re-education camp or more likely his or her termination.

My bad day reeks of disorder. How can it be that golfers are set apart by ten minutes for tee-off times but on the third hole they are running 20 minutes behind schedule! Laggards? Incompetents? Rude buggers? Ignorant? Selfish? Today I saw a horrific painful incident of a golfer taking four minutes to set up for a shot which he put in the creek on the first hole. It was a slow day but my soul tells me to say, “Speed it up Jack. Are you so blind to your rudeness and incompetence? And if you have to deal with la la heads you must approach them sooner or later and say you are twenty minutes slow so can you please speed it up. You would like to say that you are a stupid, ignorant and selfish prick so just hit the bloody ball. But as Marshalls are diplomats that supress and butter up the offenders who quite frankly have no thoughts other than themselves. So golfers are the problem. Or is it a system that refuses to make golf etiquette a mandatory course for golfers? One feels as a Marshall they have just signed a non-aggression pact with Hitler.

Then there is the call from the pro-shop about their problems which are always more important than your problems. Chase down a phantom single for an hour while jam ups are occurring because your search for them is more important than golf course reality according to the pro-shop. A Marshall has a better overall picture of the course than someone in the pro-shop responding to complaints. But as golf course management goes Marshalls are the lumpen proletarian. Often the pro-shop passes on valuable intelligence but often it is a call from a golfer complaining about a delay that causes them to lose their perspective. And it is how the message is conveyed to a Marshall from the pro-shop. “Get you ass out there and fix the problem.” This is not what you like to hear. One might prefer, “Looks like we have a back up on the 5th hole can you check it out as soon as you can please.”

Then there are the elements to deal with. Early spring and late fall can be viciously cold as you are zipping about in a golf cart experiencing wind chills. And the frost delays that can back up start times for three hours riling up golfers and stressing out starters and the pro-shop staff. You can dress for thirty below but even that can’t protect you from the bone chilling cold!

Then there are the puffed-up golfers who feel they have paid green fees and are entitled to do as they wish. Selfish twits.

So a bad day involves selfish and ignorant golfers, a pro-shop staff that is more concerned with the calls they receive from unhappy golfers instead of listening to a Marshall that has complete control and perspective. A Golf Marshall as a peon in a golf factory?

To top it off are the groups of complaining golfers that only think of the group ahead of them that is causing delay whereas it could be golfers many holes ahead of them which I must hunt down and politely plead to speed it up because you selfish and stupid pricks are 30 minutes behind schedule!

I suppose then a bad day is one as a Marshall that forces you to be polite and respectful to golfers that are so ignorant, selfish and self important that they simply can’t see the reality a Marshall can! Guess what you need a thick skin for a job as a golf Marshall!

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” : Tales From The Edge :Bap…. Right in the Eye!

A golfer related to me a potentially fatal story with a happy ending. He was playing with a golfer who set up behind the tee box instead of being aligned with it. Well as golf goes shots go to and fro in a crazy way and his big drive hit the ceramic post on the tee box and popped him the eye and down he went “like a sack of potatoes”. A rescue posse was sent and lots of ice later he continued his game! This reminds me of the time I was hit in the chest by a nasty slice by someone in my foursome. A crazy angle and an “impossible slice” which as it turned out was not so impossible. Such pain! A valuable learning experience. Stand behind the hitter lest you be hit. 15 inches of difference and my face may have been shattered. I went to a doctor the next day and he had a chuckle at my third breast and apologized profusely telling me at medical school he had studied a golfer hit in the face by a golf ball. His face was ruined. Golfers take care!

RKS Wine: Are Margaret River Wines from Western Australia Lighter?

I remember clearly one of my early wine instructors waxed about how much lighter the wines of the Margaret River in Western Australia were in comparison to those of McLaren Vale and Barossa. But he was also the guy that said any wine goes with turkey on the assumption that the diners were pickled by the time the turkey arrived! Oh the dangers of generalizations!

Well no harm in giving an Ebony Cabernet Shiraz from Deep Woods Estate on the Margaret River a try.

The wine has a black cherry colour and is just about purple. The nose suggests a big wine with a heavy hitting aroma of blackberry and blueberry leading the way. Subsidiary aromas of chocolate and a touch of vanilla. On the palate the tannins are minimal and there is a deft hit of chocolate covered cherries on the finish. The palate is full of cassis and blueberry pie with a mid length finish. At 5.95 grams of residual sugar per litre there is a tad of sweetness to the wine.

Drink by the end of 2022 and it would suit lamb and beef quite well or Eggplant Parmesan.

Is it lighter than a McLaren Vale or Barossa red wine? I would say yes despite the fact its nose suggests a heavy hitter wine. However one wine does not deserve such a generalization. So we’ll keep an eye peeled for some more Margaret River wines. It is well made with a deft use of oak.

By the way I would not suggest this wine with your turkey!

(Deep Woods Margaret River Ebony 2017 Cabernet Shiraz, Deep Woods Estate, Yallingup, Western Australia, $19.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 18839, 14,5%, 750 mL, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 92/100).

“My Life as a Golf Marshall”: So What is a Good Day as a Golf Marshall?

Perfect days are rare for a Golf Marshall! On a rare occasion I start my horrific week-end shift by cruising out in my golf cart and feel the warmth of Synchronicity! By this I mean everything is flowing beautifully! The spacing and pace is like some ballet. I have an overall picture of the entire course humming like an assembly line. No glitches. No gaps. It is a rare beauty to see and experience. The evils of hackers and the etiquette starved somehow do not exist. This beauty is rarely experienced. For example today with rain reducing golfers by 60% there is a foursome that is 20 minutes behind. Unbelievable but true!

So a perfect day is rare indeed and what gets my throttle going is a manageable problem of slow, stupid, inconsiderate or simply ignorant golfers. I am a manager at a fish processing plant. Get that assembly line flowing. Intoxicated, stoned and laggards are my challenges but I can’t fire any of them. Only encourage in a sweet and sappy voice to help me. A castrated manager! Of course, if matters get bad the golfers can phone the pro shop and complain and then my phone rings and shit I have a problem. So and so golfer knows a contact in the pro shop I then hear about it and am expected to solve a jam up despite the fact I may be working on a jam up at the opposite end of the course. It’s who you know isn’t it!

Yes I circle back and let the suffering golfers know I am working on the problem and they are appreciative of that. I say to myself isn’t amazing a newbie like me has not been fired! But at least I know customer service which is the same whether you are working on multi billion dollar financing deals or dealing with a bunch of irritable and even stoned or pickled golfers. Going back to H. Rap Brown in the nasty 1960’s in his seminal “Die Nigger Die” I am a servant stating “Yessum” and “Please Sir”.

But many a golfer will look at me and say thank you for helping me make their day better. That makes me feel like I have made their golfing experience better. That I care about them instead of a lurking and spying Marshall that says speed it up and limits golfer contact to that.

I simply want respect and I strive to give that respect to the “offenders” and the “complainers”. If I can get that and management only focuses on the problems, I think they disrespect me as one who has the best overall picture of what is going on! As Aretha Franklin song goes RESPECT!