The golfer, (we will discuss Mr. Lunch later) who pleaded me to take him to his car for his medicine a.k.a. his lunch told me an awful story about Sven. Mr. Lunch was on the green on a par three and Sven let one fly from the tee box which is a no no. You never tee off on a par three with golfers on the green. Mr. Lunch was hit on the neck by Sven’s shot and went down seeing stars in his eyes and experiencing numbness in his hands. Was this a case of permanent paralysis? It didn’t bother Sven who not only failed to apologize but asked to play through while the golfer he injured lay prostrate on the ground. An A + dickhead.
RKS Wine: Enough of those Wimpy Rosés
I try not to impose too many of my dislikes upon your taste buds as if you like a certain style of wine good for you and enjoy it as long as it is well made and without flaws. I suppose what I am saying honour your preferences and don’t let a wine writer bully you into drinking what that wine writer likes! You are your own best critic.
You know I have a beef against most Niagara Riesling as being over acidic and tart but best not let me get started on that. I am also increasingly tired of Brut and Extra Brut sparklers. What about Sec or Demi-Sec? What on earth goes on in the heads of LCBO buyers.
For years I avoided most rosé wine as it seemed like a pink white wine if that makes sense. Then I had a dark rosé from Spain which I think was Vina Aljibes which was a robust pinkie full of red fruit and power. Then another dark rose Rebecca’s Rosé from Kacaba in Niagara was fantastic. So I have gone to the dark side of pink or at least a pink with personality and power. Sounds like a Pink Floyd album!
I selected a Mas des Bressades from Costières de Nîmes for Mas Bressades rarely makes a delicate wine. It looks darker in the bottle than in the glass. On the nose fairly forceful notes of raspberry, cherry and watermelon. On the palate there is some good traction to this copper-colored wine. I would venture to say the grapes must be in pebbly soil as there is some raspy minerality to it. You might say this is an unremarkable wine because nothing grabs your tastebuds initially but in the finish a mini explosion of all manner of red fruits. And the acidity is very muted making it a great sipping wine. I can think it would suit grilled octopus very well or a salad with local tomatoes and if I knew the local cheeses it strikes me a good match for semi-soft goat cheeses. As for meat and poultry you’d have to fly me to Southern France so I could sit in a local restaurant near the winery to give you a food pairing. Although I do not think it would be a match for beef or lamb it might quench the fire of some spicey meat like sausages. So locally here in Canada I’d go with hot Italian sausage or most Indian food..
Although I’d prefer a darker rosé this one does have personality and power.
A perfectly crafted wine.
(Mas Des Bressades 2020 Cuvée Tradition, Costières de Nîmes AOP, Cyril Marès, Manduel, France, $ 17.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 950576 ,750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).
“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :“Your Marshalling Style”
There is nothing like marshalling that often draws out the extrovert out of the introvert. Most golfers are devout adherents to the sport and love chatting about all things golf. Having the golfers know you are marshalling to keep the flow steady is important and I think it generates more respect than herding them like naughty sheep. So it is the role of a Marshall to be a diplomat and if you like that style it requires a bit of being a conversationalist, confidant , encourager and strategist . Now does this Marshall chit chat distract the golfer? I don’t think so. After awhile you begin to recognize regulars and establish a deeper relationship with them.
Yet there are the silent Marshall types that watch, fill a chart and about the only time they engage with golfers is to tell them to speed things up. Well that makes the Marshall seem more authoritarian and distant and may lead towards hostility towards an authoritarian figure. One golfer approached me and said,” You are the first Marshall that has spoken to me in 15 years!” That is a good sign. I take the time to chit chat with almost all the golfers I encounter. We exchange stories and I hope to convey the feeling I am “with them”. I really do not accept my own golfing experience of having old men Marshalls only saying pick up your pace. I rather resent them as not understanding that it is not me at fault but some distant foursome ahead of my group. My position is I am on your team and I’ll chase down the laggards and will return to all of you behind the laggards to tell you I have asked them to pick up their game. The Marshall should realise their job is customer service and not the laying down of the law.
What I have heard and experienced a “dickhead Marshall” and there are many at private clubs and this may be because the shit they take from “entitled” and wealthy golfers. There is one club just outside of Toronto where the Chief Marshall (from the Caribbean) was called a shoeshine boy by a “dickhead golfer”. In a public club more diplomatic Marshalling is required. Quite frankly playing the heavy tough Marshall in a public course amounts to asking for termination. Let me put it this way if you are a “dickhead” golfer go ahead and humiliate a Marshall if it makes you feel powerful but in the end you are making a fool of yourself. If you are “dickhead Marshall” do so at your peril. The only people that love a “dickhead” are the “dickheads” themselves!
“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :Back on Track After the Great COVID Lockdown
Rather stupidly golf courses were closed due to the Great Ontario Lockdown that started on April 17th and lasted until May 22. The closure of my golf course was just that and the golf course was open as a park but somewhat quiet on the weekdays. As a park there was more crowding and lack of social distancing than had the golf course been open for golfers. The ignorance of the politico medico elite frightens me. They are off base with golf courses so how can we trust their medical “expertise”? We took advantage of this taking our dog on long walks at least three times a week. In addition to being good exercise for man and beast it enabled me to get to know the holes better. A golfer walks from one to eighteen in a linear fashion but a Marshall may zig zag to and fro so it is a good idea to know your holes, shortcuts and vantage points!
Getting up for the summer shift means being at the golf course at 6 for my 7-12 shift. I am not a morning person so I am making a sacrifice for what? Certainly not the money which is less than what you would make as a bus boy in a restaurant. It is the free golf. Yes for each shift you work you get 18 free holes at my golf course and you are inked in without the hassle of making any bookings.
Golfers were in a rip- roaring good mood when the course re-opened. Being imprisoned is no fun for human beings. I mean nary a single complaint was heard. And the divorce from the golf course certainly made for a bounty of bad shots. Golf can be humiliating sport. It can be cruel. Last year I recall making some super shots but they seemed to be attracted ever so slightly to tree branches. An inch here and there that’s all I needed to self-destruct. My last shot of the year was out of a sand trap over some impossibly high trees but I cleared them ending up three inches from the cup. I believe that to be one of golf’s greatest shots.
Happy golfers basking in the delight of their addiction is a Marshall’s dream. And strangely the golf course on this Victoria Day long week-end was somewhat quiet due to the threat of rain showers which must have frightened off 50 or 60 people, The flow was perfect. No waits or jam ups and since summer weather is coming a Marshall starting in the morning need not dress in gloves and a winter coat so this Marshall and all golfers had a happy day. Even those shots that infuriate golfers today resulted in laughter and not curses. How long is this happy buzz going to last?
RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner in Naples: I am worried!
After his engagement with Celine Serpent seemed to implode PP seems to have become a bit unhinged. He was put on tranquilizers by his therapist. And I receive an e-mail from him saying he is in Naples negotiating some cheese importation deal. I hope he knows who he is dealing with as when last in Naples the Mafia was big on counterfeit cheese and illegal dumping of garbage which you could see in the countryside here and there. PP narrowly managed a takedown in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme and his offshore Panamanian bank accounts are sure bait for the Canada Revenue Agency to accuse him of tax fraud.
Well, while having dinner at Naples’s down home and perhaps best restaurant Umberto’s he had some Il Poggio Taburno Falanghina Del Sannio and asked if I could review it and let the good people of Canada know about it. He said Luca Maroni rated it a 95 and James Suckling a 92. So the next day a couple of men in silk suits driving a Maserati dropped off a case of the wine “for my troubles”. I got the impression if I didn’t like it I might suffer some fractures to my legs…..just a joke they laughed.
So under no pressure at all I try this Campanian wine. It is grown in volcanic soils so I am expecting something special!
It is light gold in colour. Very direct and clean in your face aromas of guava, lime, lemon and pineapple. This cleanliness is an advantage of wine fermented and aged in stainless steel. On the palate equally clean with precise minerality all clear as a bell. On the palate green apple and pear. There is nothing fancy or flashy about the wine. The best I can describe it would be clean and pure. Unlike red wines grown in volcanic soil there are no coal or petrol notes to the wine.
It has a short finish.
I rub my legs. I think they will remain intact but what about PP all alone in Napoli? I feel he is a little fish in a very big pond!
Speaking of fish this would be great for simply grilled white ocean fish or a plate of deep-fried Campanian vegetables or calamari.
(Il Poggio Taburno Falanghina del Sannio 2018 DOP. Il,Poggio di Fusco Carmine, Torrecuso, Italy, $16.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 17695, 750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 92/100)
RKS Films: “Fire Music: The Story of Free Jazz”
Growing up as a teen in Montreal I remember walking through Alexis Nihon Plaza in downtown Montreal and hearing Led Zeppelin 2 blasting from a record store. Was that in 1969? I just had to buy it and arguably isn’t that one of the best rock albums of all time? Yes I loved them and Cream, Hendrix, Joplin and the Allman Brothers.
I was NEVER LOST IN ROCK! Despite all the great rock in the late 1960’s and 1970’s I was a bit of an outcast listening to classical music and jazz and enjoying it. But the jazz was traditional if I can use that word. Stan Getz, Sonny Rollins, Mingus and loads of classical jazz musicians. As a reviewer of jazz and blues performances I had an opportunity to see many of the greats long gone into the world beyond while so many of my cohorts were listening to rock.
Even beyond that after moving to Toronto I continued to listen to jazz and classical while rock had long died especially with the biggest traitor of all Rod Stewart going disco after a great run with the Jeff Beck Band. He disgusts me and I look forward to him writing theme music for Harlequin Romance films.
I can’t remember all the jazz concerts I reviewed in Montreal but if I could recount all the names you might say I was a very lucky man and I will not disagree.
So after listening to jazz for 40 years I watch “Free Music: The Story of Free Jazz” and I feel lost. What is this type of music? I can throw a bunch of names that play this genre of jazz and am left with a headache with discordant and maniacal jazz. So jarring I almost said no more so I stopped the film after 35 minutes and went to bed yesterday to continue tonight.
Of course, as a reviewer I will not snow you and say truthfully, I can’t identify with this style of avant- garde “free jazz”. I have never heard of the many avant-garde musicians in this film. It is not my fault as my radio stations have failed me sadly perhaps looking for a more comfortable style of jazz. I have never heard any Ornette Coleman, Cecil Taylor, Prince Lasha, Eric Dolphy, Don Cherry, Sam Rivers or Sun Ra on my local jazz station. Quite frankly the music is a cacophony and may lead to a migraine headache as one commentator suggests. But a bright light went off in my head as there is a clip of Gato Barbieri, an Argentinian saxophonist I saw live in that jazz club in Montreal, was it Sunrise? He had a slightly wild saxophone that must have tinges of free jazz! Note that wild his playing was on the film “Last Tango in Paris”.
I must admit that is not my style of music but as an historical trail, of “free jazz” it is a must for I am sure are a bunch of jazz ignoramuses.
Free jazz may be what Picasso or Miro was to art or Jimmy Hendrix to rock but it is a journey should you take if you are interested in jazz and what the mainstream has missed. You might not like the music but the fact you may not have been exposed to it reeks of jazz propaganda control.
Although the film is 84 minutes in length it spans 20 or so years jam packed with archival footage and cinematography that takes you back to a 1970 Mahogany Rush concert in Montreal with a light show!
A film by Tom Surgal and executive producers Ron Mann and Peter Afterman.
A thorough look at a largely ignored genre of jazz.
You can see trailer here https://vimeo.com/ondemand/firemusicfilmca/596149413
Theatrical releases in Canada are:STARTS Sept 29: HOT DOCS (Toronto, ON) In-Cinema
STARTS Sept 30: HOT DOCS (Toronto, ON) Virtual
STARTS Oct 8: WINNIPEG CINEMATHEQUE (Winnipeg, MB) In-Cinema
STARTS Oct 15: FIRST ONTARIO PLACE PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE (St. Catharines, ON) In-Cinema
STARTS Oct 22: VANCITY (Vancouver, BC) In-Cine
“Mutantism on the March” : Chapter 101 The Laflirte Kidnapping: Different Strokes for Different Folks
When René Hecklevesque heard about the kidnapping of Quebec Minister Laflirte he collapsed and had to be helped to a chair. Some idiotic Orangemen had thrown a wrench into the fine machinery of his plot, as after the Laflirte kidnapping the population of Quebec welcomed its occupation by the conquering Canadian army. If the army could rescue one of its own kidnapped from les maudits Anglais their presence wasn’t that unbearable. Hecklevesque could hardly draw but a small crowd to his speeches. Some of the audience even heckled him labelling him a troublemaker who had caused this Quebec grief. What a fickle group of fools they were. In public they were brave freedom fighters but when it came to the test they preferred their American cars and Californian wine! It was only the hardcore MSQ members that still backed Hecklevesque but they lacked the power to galvanize the entire province of Quebec into action. Masses were needed to overthrow the old status quo! Oh the tides of electoral politics were cruel! What options were open to Hecklevesque? If Laflirte were executed it would crush him and ruin his fragile popularity. Quebecers would view his execution as a great tragedy and would feel more comfortable in their own misery than in attacking and rampaging against Americans as who wanted to listen to ranting politicians in time of sorrow? His priceless momentum would be lost and he’d lose his chance at assembling a conquering army. His agreement with U.S. President Affliction would be useless as the masses were in no mood to attack Americans and their property. They were so engrossed in the two kidnappings drama. The population had observed and tasted the consequences of a failed nationalist power play. They would be more cautious in the future. Hecklevesque (aka Jiber) was growing impatient.
There was one person who couldn’t be happier with the current state of affairs and that was Montreal mayor Droolpoop. What a windfall the War Pretension Act had been. Almost all members of the opposition parties in the upcoming municipal election had been arrested! And they would stay there, along with thousands of other without bail and no trial dates being set! Droolpoop was now the established and trusted politician. The probability of a clean sweep in the municipal elections loomed. It could only increase his bargaining power in his bid to bring the 1976 summer Olympics to Montreal.
Montenez, Eno Ergot and Squid were warned by the Montreal police to keep neutral or else be locked up. Other than the warning they were left unmolested. All of them relaxed thinking that the Jiber had overplayed his hand. They thought the Jiber had been responsible for the Dentalfloss kidnapping but it did not make sense that he would kidnap Laflirte under the guise of the Son’s of Westmount and risk a backlash from the public. Jiber had wanted to invoke an aura of repression and have the population rally around his soothsayer image and it worked as the Canadian army streamed into Quebec but this new kidnaping of a Quebec government minister shattered the fantasy of an easy Quebec split from Canada. The population hoped that Laflirte would be rescued by the Canadian army. No body was fighting them. Their loud talk disappeared as they looked down the barres of rifles.
Quebec was in a state of shock as the body of Laflirte had been recovered from the trunk of a pink Cadillac in the parking lot of Lower Canada College in NDG. Quebecers were rightfully steamed up and the only reason a pogrom was not razing Westmount was the presence of the Canadian army so revenge would have to wait until the army left Quebec. There was so much Anglo bashing in the population there was no desire to attack the Americans. Jiber would simply have to make the best of a bad situation. If only the FLQ would release Dentalfloss it would show that the French had more compassion than the English and perhaps this would rally the population against the Americans and the English to regain the honour and dignity of a murdered leader. So Jiber ordered his men to release Dentalfloss but holy shit he died minutes before the call choking on a Kentucky Fried Chicken bone . Now the Quebecers would perceive their own just as bad as the English. The elusive army would have to wait. Not everyone was as fortunate as Montreal mayor Droolpoop who had won a majority of city council seats. Jiber toyed with becoming a food supplier of tainted horsemeat. Back to the drawing board.
“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :COVID and its Effects on Golf
The great lockdowns and enforced segregation of masses of society and the inability to travel and socialize has created a newfound interest in golf or is it the only outlet and escape and chance to interact with humanity in a socially distanced fashion? Perhaps all the above but it has created a huge volume to deal with where in the course I Marshall at 78 foursomes are hunted eagerly online by 500 people every day. And many of these golfers were former golfers and rusty and there are the dreaded newbies clogging up time and patience. The sheer volume makes Marshalling potentially stressful with hot pressure to limit 18-hole time to 4:20 hours virtually impossible on the week-ends where the drinkers and inexperienced dominate. In the courses that still have Marshalls the week-end pressure is, for many Marshalls, simply not worth the “free golf “as management bears down and places assembly line pressure on Marshalls many of whom were highly paid professionals making as Marshalls nothing or less than the toilet cleaners of the porta potties on the golf course. Are we talking slave labour?
At my course golf carts are hosed down but not sanitized and for the summer period unpaid students were washing the carts as part of their “community volunteer hours”. Something not quite right there. And there was no disinfecting at all. Something not quite right there. Even the towels used to dry the carts after they were hosed off (and not thoroughly cleaned) were soppy and dirty more germ spreaders which would no doubt cause the politico medico elite ruling the province a bird!
By the way at least 25% of the weekday golfers are “working from home”.
“Mutantism on the March” :Chapter 100: The Canadian Army Rolls into Quebec: The Son’s of Westmount Strike!
Immediately after the War Pretension Act was passed the Canadian army rolled into Quebec in a show of overwhelming force. Other units were placed on alert throughout the country. Canada in peril! The pimply faced beer swilling youngsters from The Atlantic provinces were proud to be patrolling the streets of Montreal and Quebec City beating up “suspects” and arresting them without warrants. It was more fun than sitting on the base and cracking “frog” jokes. The presence of the army calmed the knee shaking Quebec Anglos and thrilled Hecklevesque who now had an enemy at the doorstep to verify his warnings of a hostile Canada. The Quebec government led by Poorassa played into his nationalist hands by refusing to criticize the occupation of Quebec. In fact they supported it! Hecklevesque was to use their support against them by pointing out to the population how weak they were by refusing to assert themselves against the traitors. In public he chastised the army but of course privately it was the best thing that could have happened. The CDQ and the mutants were equally vocal in their outrage calling it, “the most hypocritical action of federal politicians who profess a belief in the concept of rights and civil liberties”.
Matters became more confused wen yet another kidnapping was announced. The Quebec Minister of Communications, Pierre Laflirte was abducted as he left his favourite Michigan Red Hot frankfurter restaurant Chez Lafleur in Montreal’s Ville St. Pierre. The kidnappers called themselves the “Son’s of Westmount For Freedom” (SWF) and threatened to execute Laflirte unless the FLQ released Dentalfloss. In a communique dispatched to Montreal’s English radio stations the SWF outlined its demands;
“The Son’s of Westmount for Freedom
We have abducted Minister Laflirte and will execute him unless our sole demand is met. Release Dentalfloss from the hands of the French-Canadian Marxists. We English have endured enough discrimination. We have resorted to such drastic action to protect the English community in Montreal. The kidnapping of Her Majesty’s Royal government’s servant illustrates how law and order has broken down. We have taken the law into our own hands to save Canada from anarchism. So what if the Canadian army has been dispatched to Quebec. What can we expect from Prime Minister Fauxdo a Quebecer? His roots render impartiality impossible. Latin blood obstructs rational decisions. Release Dentalfloss you commie thugs or else!
Long live the Queen
Long live the Commonwealth
Long live a free and united Canada
Long live a free and democratic Quebec united within the bonds of Confederation.”
“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :Your Intelligence Network
You have several sources of intelligence open to you as a Marshall.
- The Starter: The Starter has the first real view of the skills and attitudes of golfers. Are they angry or argumentative? Are they abusive? Are they hackers? Do they reek of alcohol or cannabis? I often start my rounds on the first hole chatting up golfers. This may be your first and best intel source. It is not Afghanistan but a week-end at a municipal golf course may be close to combat.
- The Golfers: Many golfers blame delays on the group immediately ahead of them which is incorrect 90% of the time. On a shift I had there was a back up developing on the third hole but I caught up with the offenders on the 12th hole who were running late by 25 minutes. Chasing down the source is time consuming. The more experienced golfers have the ability to see beyond the party ahead of them. They can be your ally in identifying the culprits.
- The Cart Lady: These are the ladies who zoom around the course selling beer and other alcoholic beverages and food. They can tip you off who may be pickled or getting to that point. You can also look in the garbage cans and see how many beer cans are not being sold by the cart lady but smuggled in. Most golf courses prohibit bringing in your own alcohol.
- The Reputation: If you have been around long enough you will recognize what to watch out for. There are names that say to you I have encountered this foursome before. It could be Mr. that took swing with a golf club at A Marshall. It could be the perpetual laggards that are so slow they run 25 minutes slow time and time again.
- You: Once you identify a gap of a hole ahead of a group of golfers. You have identified the criminals!
- The Marshall You Are Replacing: If you are replacing a Marshall that Marshall will give you the low down on the slow, abusive and clueless as to etiquette.
A Bird's Eye View of Fashion, Food, Travel, Culture, Beverage and Curiosity 