RKS Wine: The Penniless Pensioner is Rolling in Dough; Are South African Wines Beneath Him?

We last left the Penniless Pensioner stewing over his impending marriage to “converted lesbian” Celine Serpent.

Well he phoned me gleefully the other night saying his Panamanian bank accounts had been unfrozen and cash was rolling his way. He bought a small house in the Leaside area of Toronto and drives a new Volvo S 60. He says that as an old rich man he should be driving a Porsche with a “real woman” at his side….preferably twenty years younger and much better looking than him. The ageing rich man syndrome.

I admit I see his newfound wealth as tenuous knowing that Canada Revenue Agency is cracking down on offshore accounts. The fact that he acted as counsel for Bernie Madoff on certain transactions make the amount of money in the Panamanian bank accounts stink a bit.

In any case to celebrate his new house purchase he is hosting an open house barbeque and he has already bought a few cases of South African wine saying that this is where the bargains are. Could I try a couple of the wines and give him my opinion? It will be a catered affair by Toronto’s “The Butler” with the main BBQ fare being wild Coho salmon from British Columbia and beef tenderloin both served with a fresh green salad and baked potatoes and grilled corn.

PP wants something versatile that will be pre-BBQ and served with BBQ.

He chose a Mulderbosch Cabernet Sauvignon Rosé as a farewell to summer and a good match for the salmon. It is mid-pink in colour with a slight orange tinge to it. It has rather a riveting nose of strawberry and raspberry. It has a solid texture to it and it teeters on being a full- bodied rosé. On the palate there is tangerine, strawberry with a smattering of watermelon and sweet red grapefruit. It has a moderate finish.

It will suit the grilled salmon to a tee and is also a great sipper. Gone are the days of me blowing absurd amounts of money on wine PP says. He thanks me for showing him that there can be winners in the bargain bin and at $13.95 this is a winner. I can only hope PP will be a winner with the Canada Revenue Agency when and if that time comes.

As for Celine Serpent she will be attending the open house. It is obvious by the way PP is talking about her he is pining for her!

(Mulderbosch Cabernet Sauvignon Rosé 2020, WO Coastal Region, Mulderbosch, Stellenbosch, South Africa, $13.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 999821, 750 mL, 12.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

We move to a M.A.N. Family Wines Syrah from the Coastal region of South Africa. On the nose I might venture to say it has characteristics of a warm climate Syrah. On the nose a bit of that hallmark earthy South African funk. There is smoke, black cherry, blackberry, dates and smoked meat. On the palate it has mild tannins so makes it a great sipper. On the palate it has a low tannic threshold. Rather smooth but not anemic. There are notes of choke cherry, cassis, red plum and date squares. Short finish. I wish for more tannins to stand up to rare tenderloin but as we move to above rare beef where tannins are less important to break down the protein in the beef the wine will excel. So whilst a good sipper it limps in as a match for the beef. PP makes a statement that “Forgive them as they know not about wine”.

(M.A.N. Family Wines Skaapveld Syrah 2019, Coastal Region, M.A.N. Vintners, South Africa, $14.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 71332, 750 mL, 13.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 89/100).

As the night progresses and the alcohol is being drained by guests I see in the corner of the backyard Celine Serpent hurling a glass of Syrah in PP’s face staining his Harry Rosen shirt. Oh my! And to add fire to the awkwardness the poop on PP’s new Volvo does not look like racoon poop!

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :“So *ing Cold on My Training Day” (April 3, 2021)

Yes up at 4:45 a.m. with my West Highland Terrier, a senior, barking for a “piddle” in the backyard. As the alarm was set for 05:45 for a 7 a.m. start no sense in getting back to bed so a shave and a change into a warm outfit with three sweaters as it is bloody cold. Minus 9 overnight so the green of the course is topped by a white layer.

I pour some tea into a vacuum container and head out to meet G an experienced Marshall at this busy Toronto golf course. G is to train me.

We zip out for a quick 18-hole tour with a do and don’t lesson and reams of paperwork. I thought I had retired from doing billion dollar deals as a lawyer. Here I have a bunch of paperwork 75% of which I barely understand but I suppose I will have to master the bureaucracy somehow without any practical experience.

I have three sweaters on and I am so cold with the wind chill factor in zipping around with a cart I am shivering and by God a shot of vodka might be just the thing!

Yet there is a severe alcohol policy at the course. Ask the patron who has brought his own booze on the course to dump it and hand over to me so he or she can pick up on their way out. Belligerent and insulting responses then call the clubhouse who can have Toronto by-law enforcement officers sent to deal with it. And you as a Marshall say keep on drinking your own liquor boys and the police will be waiting for you at the parking lot. And you’ll be stuck for hours before you get in your car when you are sobered up. Cannabis? Leave them alone. Golf course booze has a big fluorescent label tied around the can so you can detect if its smuggled or golf cart course supplied. But there are many tricks of concealment and when you see a Marshall coming cover it with a towel. I suppose at $2.45 a can at the Beer Store is cheaper than $6 golf cart beer plus tip. Alcohol consumption a matter of profit over safety?

Under no circumstances touch a golfer. If so you are fired. Like the feeling of being a eunuch in a harem?

Always be polite. “It would be great if you could speed up just a bit.” As a golfer you can be fuming about the idiots ahead of you. As a Marshall there are no idiots. Actually there are but you can’t say that just smile and be a happy Marshall.

All your interactions with golfers are written down whether it be a friendly greeting or urging.

A Marshall is a diplomat pleading with the 90% decent human beings and puzzling how to deal with 10% dicks who according to G will be dicks forever. Unfortunately as we have seen in American politics there are too many diehard dicks.

So being untrained and full of support for golfers I have been dealing with for 25 years as a golfer they say take it easy. We like your initiative today.

Just don’t be a Judge Judy they say…the accountants that seem to be the ruling caste of golf Marshalls.

Speaking of caste the golfers are 96% male and 70% white. A few Chinese and Koreans and one women in the morning crowd. The golfing crowd is a throwback to the 1960’s. However there are a slew of teen golfers who take advantage of a special annual junior rate. Even Rodney Dangerfield could get respect from these polite youngsters! For some reason the fall weather swells the number of Korean golfers.

Due to a frost delay of three hours and 45 minutes my training is 15 minutes. Have I been thrown to the wolves?

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” :Reggie Says Thank You and Good-Bye

As a 15-year-old dog telling you my story about the first three years of my life has made me realize how lucky and happy I am. There has been sadness and tragedy in my life but that’s life isn’t it. Telling you my story has been like being on an emotional rollercoaster. It has exhausted me.

One lesson you may wish to take away is that however humble your beginnings you can rise to incredible heights if you try. Of course not every person or dog will succeed and again that’s life isn’t it?

What have I learnt is that humans can be both cruel and compassionate. As a dog I say there is hope for you humans yet!

I have also been a testament that horrible situations can be blessings. If I had not been injured by that Rottenwhiler dog in Cairo I never would have been rescued by Snookie’s Society and brought to Toronto.

I have discovered a unified spirituality amongst humans although stupidly most of them fail to realize that. I often said I prayed to Allah however after meeting religious leaders and seeing my favourite BBC documentaries humans from a “primitive society” in the deep Amazonian rain forest and humans from “advanced societies” are looking beyond themselves for answers about why they are on earth. If only you humans would take the time to REALLY LISTEN TO EACH OTHER the world would be a better place.  

As a closing comment I am puzzled why so many dogs are badly treated? What bad have they done to humans except wanting to be loved and cared. What price is it to cuddle and take care of a creature that really can’t take care of itself. Why in Egypt do they shoot and poison street dogs? Who is the animal the dog or the human?

I don’t want to say good-bye on a sad note. I have enjoyed taking my journey with you dear readers. At 15 I am in the twilight of my years and look forward to travelling to the land beyond to meet with my first master Anwar and my dearest friends Dillie the Westie and Karim another Snookie’s dog. Look out world beyond the Rat Pack is coming! And remember NEVER EVER MESS WITH A STREET DOG FROM CAIRO!

I may be back with more stories after I rest up a bit.

God bless!

Poetry Corner: “Do you Remember Those Fascist Days?”

 Do You Remember Those Fascist Days?

If you have seen as many World War Two Films
as I have
you may have found the fascination by those nasty Nazis
always asking for identity papers as obsessive and overbearing!
oh by the way do you have your vaccination certificates and photo identification?
and the health workers who refuse vaccination are sent to re-education camps
is this what my Uncle Bill who at 22 died in France shot down by a German pilot died for
as Remembrance Day is coming soon think about it

Robert K. Stephen

“My Life as a Golf Marshall” :What Does a Golf Marshall Do?

A golf Marshall is a golf course ambassador meaning in many cases a job description is impossible as it means handling whatever can come up. Primarily it is moving the game along. It’s called keeping pace. In the ideal world there is an interval between foursomes teeing off every 10 minutes so the space should be always 10 minutes between golfers with no jam ups or bottlenecks throughout the entire 18 holes. But this rarely happens and why? Most golfers should be playing ready golf which means playing individually and not congregating waiting for each golfer to hit and then dispersing for their own shot. It is fine to walk together down the fairway for a bit of time but at some point golfers should head for the ball they strike for their next hit. Not always done particularly by juniors. Then there is the golfer hunting for their lost ball or looking for other’s lost balls. And then there can be the golfer taking five practice swings and duffing the ball. Inconsiderate and rude golfers are the bane of the Marshall who has to be polite and say speed it up or walk to the next hole or leave the course. On the other hand as etiquette courses are not mandatory the laggard golfer may be blissfully ignorant.

So it is a diplomatic game where you feel like saying “You are not a particularly good golfer. You should be playing at a pitch and putt and why the * are you taking more time than a professional golfer to hit your ball. Hit the * ball”. No you are a diplomat saying please, please can you help me and keep pace. If you can’t politely enforce pace you have no career as a Marshall. Sorry “career” is a bad choice of words.

Then you may have to ferry a late golfer to his/her group. You may need to take bandages and ice to a golfer that has scraped a bodily extremity on a rough edge of a golf cart or ferry an elderly golfer up to their car.

Be ready for just about anything. Be patient. Be compassionate. Be even tempered. Do not be overbearing. Be Mother Theresa. Blessed be those who are rude, selfish and ignorant.

Before I go a Marshall loves those who play ready golf in a true Scottish tradition. Walk up to the ball, select a club based on intuition and experience without a viewfinder gauging distance. HIT THE BALL. ONE PRACTICE SWING. PUTT WITHOUT ANY PRACTICE STROKES. MOVE QUICKLY TO THE NEXT HOLE. The Marshall’s dream is seeing golfers are ready golfers.

CREW 2019 Riesling: A Unique Lake Erie North Shore Perspective

I have been to Colchester Ridge Estate Winery (CREW) a few times. It was a rather rustic winery then but things have changed and perhaps it is time to revisit and catch up with progress.

I have had a soft spot for CREW Riesling as I find it more Germanic in style than many of the the Vinho Verde type Niagara Rieslings. You’ve heard my opinion on that before so I best steer clear of a further discussion!

The wine has a light gold colour. Aromas of guava, lime, pineapple and tangerine. On the palate it is just on the edge of off dry. The label says expect racy acidity? That is puzzling as I find it lacking in acidity let alone racy acidity. But I’ll take a softer and slightly sweeter Riesling any day and in my opinion that is what CREW is delivering here. On the palate it is smooth with notes of kiwi, Orri tangerine and honey crisp apples. The finish is short.

The wine is great for sipping but I recall reviewing it a few years ago thinking it would match a grilled cheese sandwich with Gruyere Cheese. I will stick with that but it hit me suddenly this would be a match for Sheppard’s Pie! The back label says pair with brie, sushi, tuna poke and perch tacos. I will not argue with that. But boy would I like to try a perch taco!

Before you act like a deer in the headlights blinded by the praise for Niagara Riesling give this one a try. By the way CREW makes a wickedly delicious Cabernet Franc!

(CREW 2019 Riesling VQA Lake Erie North Shore, Colchester Ridge Estate Winery, Harrow, Ontario, $16.95, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 483834, $16.95, 750 mL, 11.5%, Robert K. Stephen A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 90/100).

“Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” :Wrapping Up Public Appearances For Reggie and Bob: Time For a Rest!

Quite literally Bob and I have been ripping up the globe promoting the Disney animated film “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog” and his book of the same name. I am worried a bit about Bob as he looks tired and often speaks in an exhausted monotone. The travel, stress and too many hotel rooms are taking a toll on him. I am only 3 or so and have more energy and I can sleep anywhere. Bob has one last contractual commitment to appear on an American show “Dr. Phil”.

Bob and I fly into Los Angeles the day before the taping of the show. We have an early dinner with some Disney executives and are asleep by 10 p.m. The Disney limo comes at 9 in the morning to take us to Dr. Phil’s set. Dr. Phil greets us and I receive a Dr. Phil bowl full of water while Bob has some jasmine tea. Dr. Phil briefs Bob about the questions he will ask which are rather similar to all the other questions we’ve been asked on “The View”, “The Fifth Estate”, “Oprah” and the many other television shows we have been on. Bob says he has a special announcement to make and asks Dr. Phil to get Christine Gill from Snookie’s Society on the line as well as Mr. Gordon Lightfoot and Drake. They are to speak to a national audience. What has Bob got up his sleeve?

Dr. Phil asks the usual questions and then asks Bob what was in his heart when he wrote “Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog”. Bob comes to life and there is a sparkle in his eye. “My heart was stolen by Reggie that day we ran into him by fate at Sherwood Park in Toronto. My wife Fay and my dog Dylan really warmed up to Reggie and he even shook my hand. There was something special about him. I am not a Buddhist but they believe in auspicious connections meaning what seems random is really destiny. I am not boasting but Reggie has done a great deal to make the world better by being Reggie! A street dog from Cairo has been blessed by the Pope and is a friend of many political leaders. I mean Reggie got the Iranians and Americans talking about nuclear issues because Reggie is seen as a friend to Islam and Christianity. The world was headed to madness and Reggie helped set it on course. This Reggie is my 4th dog but like all the others he has taught me about life and how precious it is.”

The audience goes wild and gives us a standing ovation. Dr. Phil says that he has a big surprise for us which he’d like to launch into before we tell him our surprise. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! It is President Biden on a video feed. He says hello to the nation and explains what I have done for international relations and announces that Iran and Israel have established diplomatic relations because Americans who release a film about a Muslim dog in such a positive light deserve to be trusted. President Biden says in my honour he will pass an executive order establishing “Rescue Dog Awareness Week”. He then waves at me and says we’ll see you at Camp David next summer.

Dr. Phil looks a bit dazed. Bob then says he will establish “Reggie’s Dogs” dedicated to helping rescue dogs throughout the world. He will fund it initially with twenty million dollars. Then Mr. Gordon Lightfoot (with Bosco) and Drake appear on a video feed saying they are chipping in a million dollars each to Reggie’s Dogs.

Then there is Christine Gill from Snookie’s Society on a video feed. She looks puzzled but breaks into a big grin when Bob announces he is giving a $2 million grant to them. Snookie’s Society is an all-volunteer based non-profit rescue organization based in Toronto and Vancouver specializing in small breed dogs of late from Egypt and China. Snookie’s saved my life paying for my medical care in Cairo and flying me to Toronto. Snookie’s relies on the generosity of donors to realize their mission of safeguarding, rescuing, medically treating, spaying/neutering and finding forever homes for the dogs that enter its rescuing arms. The dogs come from local and international street abandonment, puppy mills, local shelters and facilities including dogs scheduled for euthanasia. Their rescue is 100% foster based, meaning its dogs are placed in the home of a loving volunteer foster family. The dogs are evaluated, medically cared for, loved and receive basic training skills to aid in the transition to their forever home. They have been operating for 19 years and started as a project in a humanities class. You can find more about them at http:/www.snookiessociety.com

Christine is speechless for a minute or so and in a wobbly voice thanks Bob for establishing “Reggie’s Dogs”. She waves to me and in a faltering voice thanks me for being Reggie and doing for rescue dogs what no dog has ever done before. Bob whispers in my ear that when we return to Toronto he will ask Christine to become CEO of Reggie’s Dogs!

The audience goes wild as Dr. Phil signs off. I hear my late master Anwar laughing with joy and Karim my late Snookie’s Society Cairo street dog friend barking from the land beyond. And Dillie the Westie is barking in front of the television set in Toronto for sure!

A voice in my head says, “WELL REGGIE YOU HAVE REALLY DONE IT NOW!” I give a howl of joy and the audience cheers.

RKS Films: “The Witches of the Orient” (Les Sorcières de L’ Orient)

The film “The Witches of the Orient” is not some horror movie but rather a documentary about the Japanese women’s volleyball team that won a gold medal in the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.

The team was the Nichibo Kaizuka volleyball team. Kaizuka is located 30 minutes south of Osaka. The team were all textile factory workers that worked during the day and trained after work. They were the best volleyball team in Japan and lost the final game at the 1960 Rio volleyball championship. But they gathered steam shortly after that defeat with a three-month European tour where the Europeans seemed so gigantic but height bowed to heart and the Japanese team crushed all competitors to the point they were almost magical and hence seen and described as “witches” which can be seen as a insult but as witches have magical powers the team was not offended.

So why such success? Relentless training under a coach named Daimatsu referred to as the “demon” in the Japanese press. He drove these young ladies with a relentless training schedule. Brutal, punishing and painful. Is this because he had some renown in Japan as surviving in the Burmese jungle in World War 2 for months commanding a group of soldiers that all survived their ordeal. Yes I went to a school in Montreal where there were World War 2 vets who must have seen horror like Daimatsu and these guys were relentless when it came to coaching sports teams and gymnastics. In fact our gym teacher was not Mr. Gibb but Major Gibb.

Daimatsu may have been emotionally damaged and he transferred his survival ordeal in molding a team that could not be defeated. Well the demon coach took these ladies to a gold medal in 1964 Tokyo. You can see the emotion gushing out after the gold medal match. Exhaustion and tears flowing like rivers. These ladies were like salmon dying after spawning.

We see some of the surviving team members piecing together their stories with archival footage and animation. A compelling story. Were they nothing more than machines at the textile factory they worked in? Are they symbolic of today’s Olympic athletes more machine than human?

And isn’t it interesting that none of the team members, now in their 70’s, express joy and happiness about their feat. They all seemed to teat it as their duty. So you may see this as an inspiring film but it can also be seen as unspoken criticism of the creation of super beings to compete against other super machines.

I don’t feel like a fish ready to snatch the bait on this film as a positive portrayal of Olympic athletes. It may be a more subtle criticism about the fanaticism of the Olympic games. You may need to read between the lines on this film.

It is a Franco-Japanese production directed by Julien Faraut who also directed “John McEnroe: In the Realm of Perfection”. The next screening will be on September 27th at the Kay Meek Centre in Vancouver which will be Virtual and In-Cinema. Keep your eye peeled for further screenings in Canada and abroad.

Japanese with English subtitles.

RKS Wine: Is There Such Thing as a Golfer’s Wine?

If you are a golfer you’ll recognize the name “Callaway” as a manufacturer of golf equipment and golf balls.

I work at a golf course a couple of days a week as a Marshall and the golf cart lady does good business with beer but there is no wine in her cart.

So with a chuckle I see a bottle of Callaway Cabernet Sauvignon from California! Is it worth a bogey, par, birdie or eagle? The winery was founded by the late Ely Callaway…the real Callaway guy!

The wine’s label says it is California wine meaning all the grapes must come from California so as a vintner you better know your growers!

On the nose blackberry, woodsmoke and black cherry. So as far as aromatics go it gets a par. On the palate it is not particularly infused with tannins. I see little evidence of Cabernet Sauvignon here but this might be cleared up by the LCBO website saying there is also Zinfandel and Petit Sirah so in reality it is a Cabernet Sauvignon blend! There is some spiciness to the wine which is more a characteristic of Zinfandel than Cabernet Sauvignon. It was aged in 90% American oak and 10% in French oak. It must be older American oak as the oak is very quiet in this wine. It is a bit sweet more than the 3 grams per litre as described in the LCBO website. The sweetness robs the wine of its fruit.

A clumsy effort. Is this why I slice Callaway golf balls! And at one point I used Callaway golf clubs until 15 years ago I had custom clubs made for me. I hold the old Callaway’s and they are about as good as this wine. Overall a double bogie.

(Callaway Cellar Selection 2018 California Cabernet Sauvignon, Callaway,  McFarland, California, $17, Liquor Control Board of Ontario # 17804, A Little Birdie Told Me So Rating 84/100).

Photo: Lutz Fullgraf

My Life as a Golf Marshall; The Last of a Dying Breed

Introduction

We can thank artificial intelligence for supposedly making our lives easier. That could be true but at what cost? Will the grocery clerk be completely replaced by self check out? Will hotel check-ins be handled by machines? Will passenger agents at airports be eliminated by machines? I attended a management session years ago and big shot bank executive slammed the brick-and-mortar concept for banks and praised online banking to no end. Bricks and mortar are expensive and paying human beings is expensive. Anyone in a branch was a “service hog”. His view was frankly anti-human and pro-profit for “The Senior Management Team” of the bank!

Well the Golf Marshall is going the way of the dodo bird. Generally speaking if they are paid at all they are either volunteers or poorly paid. Most often they are retirees looking for the advantages of free golf. They love golf and many revel in the opportunity to talk golf with the golfers and teach etiquette to the juniors on the course who have no concept that checking their phones on the green before putting is a flagrant violation of etiquette.

They are there as ambassadors and polite enforcers and they are real live human beings but they are an endangered breed in the mania to reduce costs hence increase profits. In many courses they are already extinct replaced by “pace clocks” on the course and GPS units clipped onto golf bags tracking and spying continually on golfers’ every move. I am sure speakers will soon be installed on golf courses in Big Brother fashion barking orders to speed up.

Who is going to tell the golfer about the nasty geese on the third hole and the terrible slopes on the green begging to suck your golf ball in? Who is going to comfort the frustrated golfer having a bad day? Who is there to give a golf ball to a delighted young golfer?

I applied for the job as a Marshall after 33 years as a corporate lawyer negotiating multi billon dollar deals but now I am lord and master of anyone from stoners to senior executives where my negotiation skills are somewhat neutered and I am resigned to polite begging. The power of gentle persuasion.