I am uncertain how many of you know me. You will soon be able to read more about me in the Final Cut of my autobiography “The Penniless Pensioner”. Rest assured I am not a crotchety Mr. Otto or Mr. Wilson character timidly nibbling on a can of cat food with toasted stale reduced Wonder Bread although some may say my brief stint with Bernie Madoff may have created a few truly penniless pensioners. But I was acquitted!
My pedigree is a man of adventure including scoring goals in a Canadian hockey game against Ken Dryden, running a Napoli narcotics operation, having my beautiful wife Lola murdered in a Campanian hit, hanging out with John and Oko and staging a Romanian hit or two for starters. And that huge Russian drone purchase I sabotaged. But until I am revived you are stuck with some of my thoughts on wine and this case full of haunting memories of Lola my murdered wife.
My dear departed Lola!
Aroma: Just the right amount of oak has imparted a toasty aroma and in fact almost creating a creamy aroma. A variety of rich black fruits so well melded together it is difficult to describe them individually. Can we throw out a compliment and say well blended!
Palate: Heaps more black fruit particularly black cherry and cherry liqueur but all said and done a bit harsh and diffuse which needs a bit more time to smooth out.
Personality: Reminds me of a loyal follower of mine when I was a Campanian narcotic Don Peniless. Simple, strong and unswervingly loyal but a bit intellectually deficient.
Food Match: With my beloved Napoli pizza and only Napoli and never Roma!!
Breakfast at Hotel Tivoli was described as “lavish” on the hotel’s website. We have had some breakfasts in Portugal that were lavish and this buffet breakfast is tasty especially the fried eggs and baked beans. We wouldn’t however call this buffet breakfast as lavish. There are so many Brits here who simply must have their eggs, beans and toast for brekkie which taste delicious after a night at the many British and Irish pubs. Look for pasty people with beans and toast on their plates that then head to the pub and you have the life of a Brit tourist! No doubt McDonalds will be here soon. The breakfast room is a large factory feeding huge amounts of people. We managed to snag a table by the window with the crowds beginning to thin out. Lots of fresh fruit, whole wheat breads and a good selection of Portuguese cheeses. Strange though the coffee comes from machines you must go to and press a button for the type of coffee you want.
In the car drove to Cabo do Säo Viconte the End of The World so called as it is the most southwestern part of Europe jutting out into the Atlantic so people in earlier days thought they were at the end of the world. There was a tremendous scenic lookout where you saw cliffs leading to Sagres, the Sagres fort, and the Sagres lighthouse. A beautiful, deserted beach below. The lighthouse emits the most powerful beam of light in all of Europe. A very steep cliff and below very rough and crashing surf. Not part of the guidebook was a tourist urinating between two garbage cans at the far end of the parking lot. There was a food truck selling rather disappointing “home cooked fare” to a large group of rather “rotund” German tourists. There was also a burger wagon, a donut wagon, a bratwurst wagon and a nut wagon. Another stall sold sweaters. So much for rustic as most of the vendors accepted American Express cards. Wonderful tawdry and commercial views in the parking lot. I perpetuated this touristic circus by purchasing almonds, dried apricots, almond covered figs and honey from an old, grizzled farmer. Superb dried apricots. Next stop was the Fortaleza do Sagres with a gigantic compass in its front. A legacy of Henry the Navigator. There was a very rustic and simple chapel. And a sushi shop near the gift shop! On our return trip stopped at a ceramic factory with innumerable rows of merchandise. We bought a few ceramic bowls but our limited luggage space kept our purchases minimal.
Stopped at a small market where I bought some shaving cream and a couple of toothbrushes. There was a large lineup to purchase lottery tickets. A massive jackpot of 77 million Euros to the winner. Once back at the Tivoli Fotini had a bath and Andrew and I hit the beach. We managed to secure a table at Gilberto’s where we could not get into last night. We started off with clams while I had the octopus stew in a battered tinpot while Andrew and Fotini split a Cataplana. We walked the streets after dinner and many of the shops are high end unlike the tawdry tourist shops at Nazare. You hear many languages spoken on the streets but still there are plenty of Portuguese tourists as well.
Nicole Kidman Productions Ltd. has sent a corporate jet to take Bob, Fay, Dylan the Westie, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot with our friend Bosco and Martin Malivoire to Los Angeles but our friend President Biden has asked us to stop at Dulles International in Washington to take a quick tour to the White House and to “catch up”. We land at 16:00 hours and 4 limousines with Canadian flags are on the tarmac to take us all to the White House. There are Canadian flags flapping on the limousine and we have a United States Navy escort. And oh yeah Joe has placed NY Giant and Washington Redskins flags on our cars as well.
As we drive up Jill and Joe and their German Shepard Commander are outside to welcome us. Joe picks me up and gives me a hug. I don’t give out hugs freely but for Joe I relent. President Biden says he has something special waiting for us? We are ushered into the White House Dining Room where tea awaits us but Joe motions to me and Bob he would like to speak to us in private and so we go into his Oval Office and meet with Mr. Sneeky Peet the head of the CIA who is most anxious to hear about our North Korean trip. Bob fills him in and remarks Kim is a friendly fellow but the North Koreans we encountered seemed terrified of their “Supreme Leader”. Joe tells us the message that we delivered from Kim to Joe is that North Korea will stop all ballistic missile tests if the United States promises to deliver massive food aid to the starving North Koreans in a most discrete fashion. Joe is delighted and has responded to Kim saying he agrees provided consumption of Dog Meat ceases immediately. Wait until The Mookster hears about that! Joe thanks me for my role in safeguarding world peace. Joe has Bob taken to our tea and pulls me aside and laughing heartily says to me he really enjoyed his intelligence reports about me and Dylan the Westie cornering a journalist in Darwin when we were shooting the film with Nicole. The journalist mockingly mentioned my relationship with “Sleepy Joe” and that set Dylan the Westie and I off the deep-end cornering the journalist and growling like mighty Egyptian pharaoh guards and Scottish warriors. Joe said he loved our grit! The poor journalist was so frightened he peed in his pants and that is what made the headlines.
So we go back for tea and Dylan the Westie, Bosco and I have some raw carrots and jasmine tea and Joe raps on a tea cup and asks for our attention. Photographers from the White House jump into the room and President Biden gives a short speech about how Reggie, Dylan the Westie, Bob and Fay have done so much for the American people in Iran and North Korea that he is bestowing upon us a Presidential Medal of Freedom! Joe and Jill hug Bob and Fay and we get a huge pat or two on the head. As a parting gift we dogs receive a doggie bed with a huge Presidential seal on it and a t-shirt with “Team Biden” on it. Joe has heard about a possible deal we have in the works with Kim to launch a chain of North Korean ramen noodle restaurants with Kim. “Noodles for Peace” chuckles Joe. Off we go to Dulles to resume our tip to LAX but not before Mr. Gordon Lightfoot played “Paco a Girl’s Best Friend” to the Bidens and which the nation will see and hear in their evening newscast.
After breakfast checkout and off south to Lagos in the Algarve. We were last there in 1978. A five-hour drive on a new toll motorway at 160 kms/hour. No traffic to speak of and the police are on strike so let er rip. Checked into The Tivoli Hotel. We have a patio overlooking the Atlantic and the main street is about 5 minutes away. When heading back to the hotel find the “Caima” store then turn right once you hit all the beer cans. Had a glass of wine then headed to the beach where I had a swim some 26 years ago. The Atlantic was invigorating or freezing cold if you like. Lots of coves and cliffs reddish in colour. The water was both green and blue. Lagos used to be a small fishing village but now is a mini Miami Beach with high rise hotels and crammed full of Brits with plenty of pubs. Why leave home to drink in a pub.
Returned to hotel and we all had showers before heading out to dinner. Found a great looking local seafood restaurant with a line up and Fotini said by my facial expressions even if we managed to get a table the staff would urinate in our food. That fish in that banged up pot looked incredible. We managed to find a “taberna” which certainly not a traditional tavern but with glitzy waitresses and cool jazz music. My sea bass was excellent served in a light tomato sauce and perfectly prepared fries. Fotini had rather pedestrian squid rings. This is a highly developed and commercial location bustling with parsimonious French in their campers and loads of Brits. There are many Portuguese tourists as well and the original village with its charming winding streets. We were fortunate to have stayed here in a much different time!
Needless to say, Bob, Fay, Dylan the Westie and I were floored when we received a call at lunchtime from Nicole Kidman in Los Angeles. “A Dog Saved My Life” is nominated for the best picture, Nicole Kidman for best actress, Mr. Gordon Lightfoot for best song, Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog-Russell Crowe for best actor and Dylan the Westie-Rick Mercer for Best Supporting Actor. Martin Malivoire was nominated for best special effects. To put it politely we are knocked on our ass big time in sheer delight. 30 minutes later Mr. Gordon Lightfoot is pounding on our door and we let him in. We all do a crazy dance like maniacs in the kitchen. We are going to Los Angeles!!!! Some of us could be kissing Oscar’s bald head with billions watching. Nicole insists that we all stay at her Malibu home prior to the ceremony with her husband Keith Urban, their oodle Julian and that includes Bosco and Mr. Gordon Lightfoot. We are going to party like it is 1971!
The film grossed a relatively small 275 million USD but received high critical praise. Tubby Tubeman’s review from the New York Grimes was a crucial in warming up the United States critics and audiences.
“Tubby Tubeman
“A Dog Saved My Life” delivers an enchanting and heart-warming story about a dog named Paco (Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog) that saves Alice Springs (Nicole Kidman) from moral and spiritual destruction and perhaps even death.
In what could be a maudlin storyline Kidman soars above the mundane delivering a performance beautifully tinged by angst and desperation and in effect is saved in both body and spirit by mixed breed Paco a street dog from the Dominican Republic. It may be difficult to not have tears rolling down your face several times during the film. Her chemistry with Paco is a laser beam of trust and hope. This may be Kidman’s best performance ever. You’ll be eyes wide open watching this film.
Reggie the Egyptian Rescue Dog makes his first appearance on the big screen although you know he has been featured in two animated Disney films and on an ABC sitcom. He has hobnobbed with high political and religious figures including being very close friends with Joe and Jill Biden. His world maturity and savvy is evident in the film as his every move seems a reflection of Kidman’s mood. Watching those two is nothing short of a massive treat that at times both breaks your heart and makes you want to cheer. Russell Crowe as the voice of Paco is measured and he picks up his voice beautifully to match with Paco’s predicament.
Dylan the Westie plays a small 10- minute role for what originally was to be a thirty second performance but director Darren Mann on intuition films added an extra 9 extra minutes to Dylan the Westie’s performance as he said he was captivated by both the wisdom and empathy in Dylan the Westie’s eyes. He is an old dog. He delivers a performance of an experienced actor as a wise Dominican street dog that takes Paco under his wing and gives him moral guidance not as we humans might expect it to be in but in a rather innovative and doglike fashion if such is possible.
Canadian veteran songster Gordon Lightfoot’s moody but very catchy song “Paco A Girl’s Best Friend” lifts this rather quirky film to the highest heights possible. Martin Malivoire adds some seamless and stunning special effects throughout the film including an unforgettable sea crocodile fight between Paco and the reptile. Malivoire quite frankly insured this film would be a massive success given his spectacular special effects work.
I never thought one of these ‘dog is man’s best friend” films would sweep me off my feet but I am knocked on the ground moaning, “GIVE ME A SEQUEL!”
Dylan the Westie has previously won a Nobel Peace Prize for Literature which he shared with his master Bob but may I dare say he may be on the podium again along with Crowe to receive a best supporting actor award at this year’s Academy Awards”.
Had our usual late breakfast including for me two omelets. The poor waiter seemed not to understand our omelet order as Andrew’s omelet came with mushrooms which he did not want or order. To avoid wastage being good Canadians I ended up eating my omelet and Andrew’s. Cholesterol attack!
A rather late start as we headed to Evora and once on the A2 toll road we were cooking. Parked outside the city walls of Evora and walked into the town in 41-degree heat! It is dry heat so bearable but can’t say enjoyable. The streets of Evora were quiet. Had a bottle of water and headed off to Roman ruins. The heat is slowing us down and chugged lots of water. Stopped for lunch and had a regional speciality of chicken and also a shrimp pie. We had a bathroom break before leaving the restaurant and Andrew saw a rather intoxicated man so wobbly he missed the urinal and sprayed all over the floor. The break did us well and we charged ahead seeing Roman ruins with a few pillars here and there. Rather overrated considering the Parthenon. We visited a church near the ruins that contained a pile of bones in the cellar below. Creepy. A very modern Pousada nearby which is rather strange for us as the ones we have been staying in have been ancient convents or monasteries. We wandered back to our Meagne in the vicious heat and the auto’s air conditioning felt great. We chugged on back to Estoril a two-hour trip. About 20 kms from Lisbon we noticed a huge brown cloud in the distance smoke from the forest fires raging in Portugal. We received a message from Jose our Portuguese diplomat friend. We arranged for dinner at 19:45. I had bought a bottle of Champagne and we had dinner in his condo overlooking the ocean. Great to see him and his Dutch wife Anns. We had a wonderful seafood meal of shrimp, crab, octopus with great Portuguese wine. Jose knows his wines and has taught me much about wine! We sat overlooking the ocean drinking champagne and nibbling on Azorean cheese.
2August2006: Amsterdam After 30 Years: Pig Slop on Air Transat
My experience with Ontario Merlot has not been impressive. However jazz it up with some oak and it can work a bit of magic. The label on this Colio Estate Winery 2020 Reserve Merlot states, “ …and the smooth silky finish bestowed on the wine by skilled oak aging.” Their website fails to describe the origin of the oak, whether it was new or old and in what percentage and how long it was aged.
Aroma: Black cherry, blackberry, raspberry and just a bit of cranberry.
Palate: Tannic. A slight bit of sweetness. Harsh and certainly no “smooth silky finish”! Merlot when done well has a certain amount of “Ocean’s Eleven” lushness. Can’t find that here and I refuse to bow to terroir on this. I would suggest decanting for an hour or cross your fingers and age for a couple of years to calm it down. Let’s not give up!
Personality: Rough and ill mannered. Perhaps a short stint in reform school can help.
Food Match: A Friday night wine…you know what I mean…wink nod…is this Merlot a goer? Monty Python to the rescue.
Cellarbility: Why not risk giving this Merlot a rest in the cellar and try in 2025?
Price: $19.95CDN (Ontario).
Comments from the peanut gallery: Many an Ontario Merlot is tasteless but not here. It has some character and perhaps with a bit of age some hope.
Breakfast buffet service at the Palacio Hotel has been exceptional but today they could not keep up with replenishing the scrambled eggs and bacon. The fruit is plentiful and top rate. The peaches and oranges from the Algarve are superb. We headed off to Sintra after breakfast but this time along the coastal road that steadily climbed. The tourist literature described the road as hazardous. Narrow with many hairpin turns but a spectacular view of the Atlantic coast below. We must have climbed some 2,000 feet up through lush forest. Once you arrive at Sintra up you go further on a narrow winding road to Castelo dos Mouras and the Palacio Nacional. As we climbed to Palacio Nacional there was a huge traffic jam. A bus full of Spanish tourists had parked at an angle blocking the traffic. A huge group of men was attempting to lift up the bus and move it over so the traffic could pass. The were successful and we moved on.
The Palacio Nacional was the summer residence of the Portuguese monarchy and it commands a spectacular view of the coast. It is a blend of Moorish and baroque architecture. Comparable to Fontainebleau in France. As common in Portugal a heavy use of tiles. A beautiful cloister by the entrance. The ceilings are awesome. Through the mountains we drove home. Andrew and I had a swim at the Palacio and hunted dinner to eat in room. We had a fish and squid bash watched a few music videos and then off to bed.
Aroma: Big juicy local strawberries which have not suffered the indignity of too long a voyage. Some raspberry and blackberry thrown in for good measure.
Palate: If this was George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” this would be Boxer. The good natured and simplistic horse. Solid and muscular with sour cherry, pepper and cassis. Long and spicy finish. Some acidity but not out of hand and manages to well suit the blend.
Personality: Honest and straightforward. Don’t think of me as Bitcoin but rather cold hard cash! Unlike Squealer in “Animal Farm” I am mum on the price you paid for me.
Food Match: Moules in a tomato-cilantro based sauce perhaps with some Chorizo included. Over rice.
Cellarbility: Consume by 2025-year end.
Price: $ 13.95 (CDN) Ontario.
RKS 2024 Wine Rating: 86/100.
(Château Grand Escalion 2020, AOP Costières de Nîmes, Gabriel,Mefre, Gigondas, France, 750 mL, 14.5%).
After our sumptuous feast with Kim and his sister we return to our hotel. It has been searched in our absence. Bob leashes us up and takes us for a walk. There are no people on the streets. There is no pee mail in this town of Pyongyang. Could it be all the dogs, a symbol of bourgeoisie decadence, have been confiscated and turned into “hot dog pot” to avoid mass starvation of the toiling masses? We are tailed by a rather fat Korean man in a Gestapo like black leather coat who perhaps has been helping himself to too many dog dishes. For the heck of it we run here and there and lose the fat fellow. Hopefully he is not executed tomorrow.
Kim has provided us with a “guide” who will drive us for our two-week tour of North Korea. Joe Biden had said this would happen. The guide is there to protect us against making any errors like mentioning any criticism of Kim’s leadership or showing any disrespect to the infinite amount of monuments erected in his honour. Dylan the Westie was about to pee in front of a monument erected to honour Kim but the guide pulled him away just in time as if he had peed where he wanted he may have just been executed.
We had a wonderful tour of North Korea including a tour of the DMZ where we were cheered by North Korean troops. I loved Tejhu Island and for green tea Boseong which is incredible.
Bob has travelled years ago in the Iron Curtain countries under communist rule. He said he was free to travel in Romania, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Yugoslavia and Hungary without being harassed by the security apparatus. Bob said he mingled freely with the citizens of these countries and a few had the courage to whisper, “We are capitalists.”
Although here in North Korea Bob notices the citizens would like to meet us but with our guide they have a reticence that is unnatural. They look emaciated and haggard yet every night we eat at a “Comrades Buffet” which are a series of restaurants for communist party members and there is no dog on the menu but lots of pork and chicken with Russian beer and wine.
Horsemeat bulgogi a Favorite dish at the Comrades Buffet restaurants. The horsemeat is exported from Canada
We feel like we are in a cocoon detached from reality. After two weeks of an incredible tour we are back in Pyongyang for our last night with Kim and a dinner of epic proportions. Kim and Bob retire to a viewing room to see the Grey Cup 2021 that we attended and of course Kim who loves a show sees Dylan the Westie and I romping around the field and says in 2022 he wants to attend a Grey Cup game. A closet Canadian Football League fan! Bob says he will try and arrange it.
Kim attaches an envelope to my collar addressed to Joe Biden before we go. We hug and are given many gifts by Kim. He says he hopes to see us at the next Grey Cup game and Bob says if you come stay with us in Toronto. Kim bobs his head up and down and says good-bye and adds you are like our people and are not filthy capitalist roaders. If we seek to ease world tensions let us do it with your Prime Minister Trudeau as a peace broker with the American capitalists.
This is getting a bit complicated for me. The media portrays Kim as a wild maniac butcher. Is he a nice man as I think he is? Perhaps the fate of the Koreas rests with an invitation to the upcoming Grey Cup Game?
We have our breakfast and head out to the airport to our private jet for the trip home. Kim has loaded several kilos of the best North Korean green tea, kimchi, North Korean beer and special on-board dinners of beef ribs. Thank goodness there is no hot dog pot!
North Korean threats against this cutie The Mookster?
Now just before we boarded the plane up roars a Zil Limo with Kim Yo Jong exiting and pulls Bob aside for a walk along the runway. She has a pistol butt sticking out of her belt. Hopefully Bob is not going to be executed! As we lift off Bob tells us Kim Yo Jong welcomed us for our constructive visit that will lead to eternal solidarity between Canada and North Korea. She had “good vibes” about dealing with Canadians and complimented Prime Minister Trudeau for invoking the War Measures Act against those “fascist Freedom Convoy truckers”. That is real power she said and if only Trudeau would realize it should be permanent. She also said, or warned, to be most careful with the North Korean traitor The Mookster. If he continued to advocate liberation of dogs destined for luncheon hot pot specials in North Korea we are going to stick a very “special umbrella” in his leg!
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